I need help. I have an almost 18 year old who has completed her schooling who refuses to look for work or contribute in any way in the household. However she expects for me to buy everything she wants.
She does nothing but sleep all day and social media all night. She is not entitled to any payments from Centrelink due to our income for several more years so I am stuck paying for everything. That wouldn’t be so bad if she was actually halfway nice but if asked to do a simple task like emptying the dishwasher she simply says no.
How do I either make her understand she has to get a job and start to support herself as she is now an adult when all she has to do is say no
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8 Replies
You stop paying for stuff! Sorry but she doesn’t get new clothes, she doesn’t get her washing done for her. She doesn’t get the wifi password. She doesn’t get her phone paid for or new shoes, or entertainment.
She is 18, she will throw a massive tantrum, she will be bloody annoying and revolting until she gets the message you aren’t giving in.
Theres several signs of depression there, I would get her to a Dr or head space. She might be feeling a bit lost now school is over and has no direction in her life. Try and get her interested in doing an online course, she would be too late for Tafe. I know its hard when they act like a 3 year old but you really do need to treat her like an adult hopefully she will start acting like one. Just try and get her mental health sorted first and get her excited about something.
Sounds like she may be depressed :(
Tough love mama, tough love!
Aside from meals and toiletries, stop paying for stuff. Don't buy her clothes, make up, pay her phone bill, give her money to go out. I wouldn't even drive her anywhere that's not essential or do her washing!
You'll also need to make sure all the family is on board, make sure Dad, grandparents, older siblings etc all understand what you're trying to achieve so they don't help enable her. The main thing is making staying home doing nothing less appealing!
I would also sit down with her and try and make a short term plan.
Perhaps you could suggest if she wants to go to uni/TAFE full time you're willing to financially support her while she lives at home.
If not, make it clear she needs to get a part time job until she knows what she wants to do with her future. Doing nothing isn't an option.
Hell no! You don't pay for anything she needs to get a job, she has been relying on you just giving in and paying for it all as you have obviously been doing. Talk with your husband, work out what you both expect of her and then sit with her and lay down the ground rules let her know how its going to be. Have a listen to Dave ramsey on this exact situation. You are enabling her..
Put her out.
pretty simple..... stop paying for everything.
She is never going to learn the value of working. You've made her entitled, it's your job to undo it. Tough love. NO MORE MONEY. Don't pay for her phone, any extra food, no more clothes, no money for a night out... NOTHING. SIMPLE. We do not need anymore entitled spoilt brats in this world
Change the wifi password and cut off her phone (assuming you pay for that too)