My husband and I have been together for 13 years. We have two young children.
Every time we argue he basically tells us how much he dislikes us all and how we just use him. We are all selfish and only care about ourselves. I should add our children are only 6 &8.
He has been to doctors to deal with his emotions but I just see the same cycle repeat itself over and although he is aware of it and apologises he doesn't change.
Is it better to just walk away now and save myself and our children having to deal with that whenever he gets emotional or is it worth fighting for?
He is a good person, husband and dad but when he gets upset I can't stand having our children deal with it anymore.
Worth fighting for?
Worth fighting for?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour
5 Replies
For it to work out, he would need to be part of the solution and realise it's not ok to continue the cycle or to say those things again, ever.
Psych could help him and you both work through it.
He feels used, and like you are being selfish. Does he have grounds to say this? Is it true? Although it’s probably not, I thought it’s worth checking.
If he isn’t being truthful and just throwing hurtful words around in the heat of a moment, time after time, regardless if you pull him up, seek help, talk to him ect ect ect, he probably isn’t going to change. And it isn’t worth fighting for.
I think it is important I mention the first paragraph for the simple reason that my FIL is a lot like this. It’s a bit different in his situation but he is the only financial contribution to that household and his wife is lazy and selfish, and often makes him do everything for himself at home despite working long hours while she sits at home doing nothing (her kids are school age and beyond so no excuse to why she can’t do house hold chores or even go out and get a job). For the most part, he shits his mouth, works, comes home and does everything as well.. but when he is at the end of his tether, he explodes and tells them all how lazy, selfish they are. He isn’t dealing with things in a healthy manner but I can see his cycle and why it happens. His wife can’t.
I hope this isn’t your situation but just another perspective
Thank you for your reply.
We both work full time and we both share the household cleaning although I must admit he usually takes charge of outdoors and i take charge when it comes to the children getting ready and taking them where they need to go.
He really has no reason to claim we are using him but he reckons everyone uses him and honestly he thinks most people are assholes yet can't even look in the mirror at himself.
In that case maybe he is using you.. as a door mat and place to air frustrations and take things out in when he can’t handlenit himself.
You deserve better
Ask yourself if he shows other traits of mental health issues. I feel like my family use me (we also both work) and I can compartmentalise it as either part of my depressive states or something else (not yet brave enough to speak to me GP) so it doesn't come to yelling at them how I feel. I still feel it though. Maybe he's looking in the wrong place for answers to the symptom without examining the cause.