So I just hit a new parenting low. Getting things out to make toddlers (2.5yrs) lunch when I turn around and see her hands on my youngests (7.5mths) neck for the 3456th time today. I literally blow a fuse and slam down the cucumber I'm holding onto the kitchen table. It smashes into a thousand pieces as it ricochets everywhere. I'm screaming 'stop' to my toddler and yelling at my partner 'I can't do this, I can't do this'
The baby starts crying and is covered in cucumber. The toddler just starts eating tiny bits of cucumber off the kitchen floor, like world war 3 hasn't just happened.
I'm actually laughing a little as I write this, for it sounds somewhat funny. Except for the part where I think how would my partner handle life with the children if I died?
It’s zero to one hundred kind of fury. I’m not normally like this.
Is anyone else finding parenting two children this hard? Is this normal or am I not coping? I don’t know, as I feel like I should be handling this so much better than what I am.
My partner is on holidays so it’s not like I haven’t had extra support. I’m terified of when they go back to work.
We are fairly new to the area we live in and so I don’t have support here which is compounding things. I am trying to make mummy friends but it’s so hard to even hold down a conversation at a play group when you have two.
The constant of breastfeeding I am finding harder this time round as it fuels the jealousy of my toddler.
I’m am so spread thin trying to show them both an abundance of love, so they both feel happy and equal.
I’ve been pregnant/and or breast feeding for 4yrs straight and I am just done in.
But the guilt, the guilt is so immense as this is what myself and my partner dreamed of and for various reasons really had to ‘create our family’.
And now I hate it, and wake with a dread of the many hrs ahead of me.
Excuse the crude term but ‘same shit, different day’
I feel like I’m losing my mind....
Everyone says the first couple of years are tough and then it gets easier, but I just want to know is this normal? And does it really get easier, and if so when?
Thanks for listening...
The cucumber incident...am I over reacting?
The cucumber incident...am I over reacting?
Posted in:
Kids
13 Replies
I read the title and thought a cucumber incident would be sexual hahahahaah!!!
I don't blame you for feeling done. I would be feeling a bit "groundhog day" at this point, too. It also sounds like you need a break and potentially to address your mental health/engage in some self care.
I have anxiety and if I'm having a bad day I'm like that; zero to one hundred in the blink of an eye. The smallest things can make me snap - stuff that wouldn't bother me normally or seems strange to others. I find it's also worse if I'm sleep deprived. I know with two little ones it is unlikely you're getting awesome sleep. I would suggest checking in with a doctor and mentioning how you're feeling.
Can you book Miss 2 into daycare one or two days per week to give you a break?
It would be hard with two still so little, especially with one who has no impulse control and the other unable to defend themself. It will get better. I promise xxxx
It all depends on support. Why are you losing your mind and where is your partner? Go out of the house. Sleep in. Enjoy breakfast out. Breaks help you enjoy life. Partner needs to step in more.
A lot of people have had a cucumber incident. Mine was a burrito and if was also all over the ceiling 😂
My mum is the most chill person ever and she threw a whole cake at the wall once hahaha.
My sister flung a burrito too actually. Maybe throwing food runs in the family🤔😂
Anyway my point is, everyone relates to totally losing your shit. Its a good sign that your cup is full and completely overflowing and its time to change it up a bit. Think about how you spend your days and see where you can fit some sanity timw in for yourself. Whether its strapping the kids in the pram and going for a walk each morning, or taking uo a hobby, or leaving he kiddos with your partner and going for a walk/coffee/drive on your own.
I felt pretty lonely and crap when i moved to a new town with kids around the same age as you but once rhey started preschool and school it got a whole lot better as i was getting out and meeting new parents and making connections with other mums. It will get better. Xxx
I was about to say I'm pretty sure we've all had a cucumber moment in our time 🤣
I can remember my mum pitching a hairbrush across the kitchen, breaking it clean in half. I was about 12 at the time and was like "damn, what the hell's her problem?". I grew up and had my own kids and suddenly I was like "ah, I finally understand". My nan, who is also the most level headed woman told me about when she threw a bowl of Weet-Bix across the room, she came back in to the room after she calmed down to find her teenagers wide eyed and wiping Weet-Bix off the ceiling 🤣🤣
My own cucumber moment I slammed the shower door shut so hard I not only broke it but I jammed myself in. Hilarious now, as will your cucumber story be one day but in that moment i don't think I have ever been more irate and angry.
You're right in the thick of it right now with 2 babies, it really does get easier though. It won't get easier over night but soon enough you'll be getting more sleep, your kids will become more independent and just day to day life does become more manageable.
In the meantime, you need to prioritise at least half an hour a day just for yourself, go for a walk, jump in the car and go for a coffee or even just drive, take a bath, go to the supermarket by yourself. It helps, it really does!
This was fairly normal for me when my two were babies. Still happened now they are toddlers/small kids.
Just try take some time out whenever you can. Even if it’s just something you enjoy at home when they nap or when your partner is home. That always helps me as I don’t have the friends ect
My mum is so laid back and I remember when she smashed a wooden spoon so hard on the bench that it shattered into a million splinters and we still talk about it now, nearly 40 years later! My cucumber incident happened just after I had my second baby, I threw a plastic cup in the sink but it skidded around the rim and shot back at me which made me angrier so I threw it at the wall and it cracked in half.
We all have our limits! Kids are stressful and trying to keep your shit together and make everyone happy is hard, near on impossible. Don’t be too hard on yourself!
If you’re thinking about how they’d cope if you died often seek help but honestly the “shit losing” moment sounds pretty normal to me, we’ve all been there. You do sound like you need some time out though, go have a bath or take a walk and leave the kids with your partner for a couple of hours to recharge. I found breastfeeding my second easier if I got the toddler occupied with something first. Read her a book or set her up with a plate, some bread and a bread and butter knife to make her own sandwich (smooth peanut butter is great if you have no allergy issues because you can put a dollop in the middle of the bread and it’s easy to spread), sit outside on the grass with her and give her some paint and paper (make finger paint with flour/water and a couple of drops of food colouring and you don’t have to worry about them eating it) or blow bubbles for her to chase, all stuff you can do with 0-1 hands. Shake up the routine, find a friend to walk with for some adult conversation, check out your local council’s website to find some free community activities like story time at a local library.
I have 4 high functioning autistic kids aged 4, 6, 9 and 10. I have cucumber moments too. Usually when I'm tired and hangry because I've been too focused on the kids and neglected me. You are not alone.
Things that help me have been taking the kids out for a walk every day, dumping the kids on someone else once a year (usually hubby) to have a mum vacation, eating good food regularly, and talking with my GP. Also giving myself a break from the mum guilt, I can't be perfect, sometimes putting a movie on to get some downtime is for everyone's health and safety.
Is there anyway you can get out without the kids once a week to just sit and have a coffee for half an hour? My youngest was in kindy last year and I found going for coffee by myself was very beneficial to my mental health.
Best of luck and big hugs!
I could have written this myself. Except for the cucumber bit..
I have a one year old and 3 year old and am going through everything you mentioned. Sometimes I feel like I’m going absolutely crazy and dread having another day with the kids on my own. It is just relentless.
I’ve been told maybe I have post natal depression that’s gone undiagnosed but I figure this is just motherhood?
I just don’t know. But to know I’m not the only mum who feels like this sure does help. Let’s hope it passes soon mumma!
GP. Mental health care plan. Get hubby to do more parenting/domestic work. Go out on your own. Join a club or activity. Take a walk, grab a cofffee, go see a movie. Make non mummy friends. Get a cleaner, put kids in care once or twice a week. And ffs do not feel guilty! I bet hubs walks out the door with no guilt. You don’t have to do everything, be everything.
I have an only child and didn’t start enjoying motherhood till he was 3. The newborn and toddler stage was just too exhausting. I had to get out of the house twice a day to stay sane. You need to find ways to have more time to yourself, whether it’s through partner, family and friends giving you a day off and/ or putting them in day care. Don’t feel guilty you need time for you it’s important.
What was hubby doing during the meltdown? He’s home on holidays so why wasn’t he doing something to occupy the kids while lunch was being made?
It is so important to do something just for you every day. I ended my marriage when my youngest was 3 1/2 months old. Soon after I was diagnosed with PND. During counseling I was asked what I did just for me every single day. At the time it was nothing unless the kids went to their father for a few hours. One of them always showered with me. Except for the days the toddler was at day care, I couldn’t even go to the toilet on my own. Even then the baby would cry because he couldn’t see me. We were living with my parents at the time so I started with them watching the boys for 10 minutes so I could shower and dress uninterrupted. Now the boys are older and with both in high school this year, I can tell them to go away because I need a break for half hour (or longer) and they’ll usually leave me alone.
If you can afford it, put the kids in day care two days each. Do it so they both attend one day together so you get a day just for you, then they each have a day there on their own so you get one on one time with the other. I did this with mine when the youngest was able to start (he has additional needs and couldn’t start until nearly 2).
Get hubby to do something with the kids each day, say bath and bed, so you get some downtime just for you. Yes, he might work hard and possibly long hours, but he will have multiple times throughout his work day where he can choose not to interact with anyone (commute to/from work, lunch, morning/afternoon tea breaks, toilet breaks). When do you get even 10 minutes where you don’t have to interact with anyone? If your two are like mine were, I could probably count on one hand the number of times they were both down for a nap at the same time.