Ladies I need some advice..
My eldest is 2 yrs 9 months. He has never been an amazing sleeper, never horrific either, somewhere in the middle & always a bit up & down.. you know - you find something that works then there’s teething, a holiday etc & it all goes bum up?!
But the last few months have been really hard. He just doesn’t want to go to bed. We have dinner & bath not always in the same order.. then a bit of playtime, I give the time countdowns so it’s not a shock, then we have books & into bed. Usually head in for books around 8pm. It used to be earlier but slowly drifted later before it got hard. He used to want us to stay in the room & it was easiest for hubby or myself to sit there for 10mins while he drifted off, then we started to stand at the door. I thought if he just wants a bit of reassurance as he fell asleep then that was fine. This no longer works. We sit there & he plays, talks, stands up etc. (he’s in a cot) & you just end up in there forever.. If we leave he just screams.. I also have a 5 month old who is usually asleep by then in the next room so we can’t really just let him scream, plus it’s pretty distressing to all. He is old enough to talk to about it, he can’t give us any reason for crying, or not wanting to be in his bed. We’ve explained that his friends are in bed now, he needs rest so he can have energy to play tomorrow, go to swimming lessons etc. but it doesn’t seem to help. We’ve been calm & reassuring & tried being really firm but nothing works. He’s never been attached to a comforter but chooses a teddy most nights to cuddle. He still has a day sleep, anywhere from 45mins -2.5 hrs.. I believe he still needs this as he gets so cranky, sooky, naughty later in the day & will fall asleep randomly at 4 or 5pm.. We’ve let him stay up later & it’s still just as hard, we are just more tired & cranky. We’ve tried letting him in our bed to fall asleep (with plans to move him to the cot once asleep) but he still plays & jumps around & my little ones in there in the bassinet so it’s just impossible. I just don’t know what else to try. It’s exhausting, I dread it.
I’m also worrying that it’s taking time away from me setting good routines for my 5 month old..
I did have plans to move my toddler into a big bed (we have it all ready to go) so that my bub can have the cot & move out of the bassinet in our room into his own room. I think it will be worse if he can just get up.. We’ve tried using his big racing car bed as incentive but that’s no help either..
Please help if you have been here with things I can try or what has worked for you.
Thanks in advance from a tired mumma 💤💤
5 Replies
I think you need to cut the day nap to just 45 mins.
2.5 hours is a long time and probably why he doesn’t want to sleep at night,
Even though Bub is asleep next door you need to just let him scream. Each time you go in to settle him do just that, settle him then leave. Don’t speak, don’t pick him up, just lay him back down, gentle pat on the back and then leave the room.
Keep him in a cot at this point unless he starts getting out.
I’d suggest an earlier bedtime. And keep the naps. My kids have always needed naps and still do at 4 & 2.5 and I’ve found sleep promotes sleep so you might be reaching him when he is over-tired and too pinged up to sleep. (Both mine nap 45mins - 2 hr during the day. Bedtime is 7 or 7:30 and they wake between 6-7am... they are turning 5 & 3 in May)
Other wise, something theybcan just be turds. Keep being consistent in what you do (example being-stand at the door or sit with him. Which ever you wanna do) and just know that this too shall pass
Personally I think he’s old enough to cut out or cut right back on the day sleeps now, of course if he falls asleep in the car or on the lounge let him but slowly cut them out or wake Him up. he will probably be so worn out by night time he will sleep so much better. Just my opinion and what I would do. It doesn’t work for everyone and we all eventually work out what works for us. I was never strict with my kids sleeps during the day. If they slept they slept but I never forced it. They always fell asleep in the car and that was enough and they slept all night. Each kid and situation is different. Hopefully you’ll work out what is best for you.
Hi mumma,
You poor thing I can only imagine how tired and stressed you are feeling :(
Besides being a mum myself I have also been a nanny for 20 years now and based on what you’ve described here’s my advice. He screams the house down because it works for him. It brings you back and he gets to keep playing and talking and doing what he wants with you there. He needs you to teach him what’s expected of him at bedtime, to do this you will have to be absolutely consistent and if you are it will work. Stick with your bath and books routine, all the time continuing to tell him it’s almost sleep time. Then when it’s time to go down (and I think it should be earlier around 7/7.30) you give him a cuddle and kiss and say mummy is right out here in the lounge/kitchen/whatever it’s time to go to sleep now. Yes he will scream. Go back and pop him back down, tell him the same thing again and walk away. You may have to do this 35 times but the screaming will end and he will go to sleep. Over the next few nights do exactly the same thing and you should notice the crying bursts getting shorter because he is learning that you are not actually gone away, you’re around but just not with him playing because it’s sleep time and he will learn to feel safe in that knowledge and be able to go to sleep on his own. Also! Don’t forget to make a HUGE deal of it the next day when he wakes up telling him how proud you are that he went to sleep and he’s such a big boy doing that with lots of affection and love! Don’t change him to the cot yet, this change is enough for now. Let him nail this first before introducing something else new. Good luck, I hope you’re all sleeping soundly soon x
Sounds like he is getting too much sleep during the day.
I do 1 hour for my 2 year old if any (only when he’s being a shit) so from about 12:30pm and no later than 1:30pm)
And in the afternoon I make sure he’s outside playing burning energy
Then dinner
Then more play
Then bath
Then bed
Both my kids are 7pm -7am sleepers
We do Exactly the same every day and I don’t have any issues with the 2 year old. I find routine is really important.
Wishing you luck