Hi mums.
I need help. I have a 2 year old who refuses to say sorry. She doesn't care if she has to keep going into time out. She is more than happy to sit there forever. Please any advice would help
Stubborn 2 year old
Stubborn 2 year old
Posted in:
Kids
11 Replies
2year olds don't understand sorry. Its a meaningless concept so a waste of both your time. Wait a few more years when theyre not so naturally ego centric and they will understand others point of view and therefore empathy and apologising.
2 year olds don’t really understand time out. They just don’t get it developmentally. Also they don’t understand what sorry means. So all that is happening is you are creating a battle of the wills that you won’t win. 2 year olds don’t have empathy.
I’d let it go for another year at least.
Children do not understand or learn empathy at that age. Sorry is pointless at 2. She not refusing to apologise. Shes refusing to say a word that has no meaning to her. Give up the battle.
Do you find it easy to say sorry? I know I hate saying sorry, and i avoid saying it unless it’s really necessary... I’m 26
Don’t expect so much from a 2 yo. She doesn’t even have the capacity to understand what sorry truly means
A forced apology teaches kids nothing other than that a meaningless verbal gesture helps them get out of trouble. She needs to actually feel sorry for whatever it was she did to hurt or upset someone.
2 year olds are little dictators lol, they aren't enotionally developed enough to really grasp empathy (most 2 year olds anyway).
For now, I wouldn't make this into a power struggle. If she won't say the words 'I'm sorry', so be it. You can still use the timeout as a punishment and ensure you explain what she did wrong and why it's wrong, you could even prompt her in terms of how she feels. E.g. "We don't hit people! You hurt Jimmy and made him sad. Do you feel sorry?"
In the meantime, model the behaviour you'd like her to display, if she hurts or upsets another child apologise on her behalf (while she can see you).
Though, My daughter had a book set of emotions (happy, sad, greatful etc), it had one included about saying sorry. They were fantastic reads for toddlers, I'm almost certain I bought them from the Australia Post shop. Something similar may help her understand empathy 😊
Yes!!!!! We actually teach our kids to lie and manipulate without realizing it!
Yep. Agree with the other mums. Time out and the concept of being sorry are beyond the cognitive abilities of a 2 year old. Model the behaviour you want to see and leave punishment for when she's older (if needed)
There is a great book called toddler taming that covers discipline at that age. You have such wonderful intentions on teaching your little one right from wrong and to be sorry. As others have said, its a bit of a lost concept to a 2 year old.
If she is doing something naughty remove her from the situation with a firm no and very brief explanation on why its not ok. Keep is really simple though. If she continues to do it, place her in time out but only for a short period. 1 or 2 minutes. Just skip the apology part until shes old enough to understand the concept.
Lots of positive reinforcement is great too. So if shes showing great behaviour, praise it.
Honestly you're expecting too much of her at only 2.
Kids at that age do what they see, they are a mirror of our own actions............ be what you want your daughter to be. Do what you want your daughter to do.
What’s the point if it’s not genuine? My kids have ASD and I really had to let go of all expectations and what social norms look like. Changing how you parent is a start