My ten year old daughter came in to me in the lounge room last night from the computer room where she had been and said “dad’s watching porn on his computer” (there are two computers in there). He gets quite aggressive so telling him off is not a good option as he will yell at her for telling me. Am I mental in thinking that it is totally not normal for him to think watching porn whilst she is in the room is ok? Should I call DHS?
13 Replies
No don't call DHS or you will be investigated too . Have a stern talking to him and RIP him to shreds if you have to because thats so NOT on when a child is around. If he wants to watch porn tell him to lock the door . Take it as an error in judgment for now but if he continues to do it knowing she may walk in, then id be taking it further . For now , a once off I take it , there is no need . Just tell him to be careful in future . And did she actually say the word "porn'? As its probably happened before if she knows that word . Give dad the talk, and by God if it happens again, please act.
My 10 year old has absolutely no idea what porn is or that it even exists. This is very alarming. You need to protect your child!
Woah.
3 alarm bells here.
1. You can't "tell him off" without him becoming aggressive.
2. Your daughter knows what porn is at such a young age and was very casual about it.
3. You're questioning if this is wrong.
I worked in childcare, part of my training was about abuse and mandatory reporting. If a child came to me and said "I see my dad watch porn" that would be something we would need to report because exposing a child to sexually explicit content comes under the sexual abuse spectrum.
I actually would call DHS for advice (they're there to help believe it or not) and if this gets to the point you and your husband separate, you'll have the incident documented which will be necessary in terms of custody/visitation because frankly, any person who sees no issue in watching porn with a child in the room really shouldn't have unsupervised access to a child (At least until the risk is gone).
Simple as that!
Go check the history and get facts straight. Was it actually porn? Or was there a movie with a sexual scene, did an ad pop up? She may have seen the incorrect thing.
What's mental is the part where you say hes aggressive is your solution is to appease him.
He is so far out of line you need to reassess your relationship, what you're modeling to your daughter and what you're putting her through.
You either need to leave him or call DHS.
Your number one job is to protect your child. It sounds like you can’t protect your child while living with this man.
I get the feeling he is physically abusive, and he is sexually abusing your daughter by watching porn in the same room as her.
Of course this is unacceptable. By your post this sounds like it’s not the first time.
You need to make sure the computers are not in the same room. He’s grooming your child to think that it’s ok to see Dad watching porn. Does he masturbate whilst she is also in the room? If he gets aggressive becasue you pulled him up on this it only proves your point more in that he’s not a safe person to be around. I’d be contacting. Brave hearts to find out what you need to do. I’d also be right up at the Police Station and getting officers to have a chat to your Husband to ensure he knows the severity of what he is doing. I’d also be out the door with my child in a shot becasue that is not ok. I don’t care if my partner watches porn, I’d rip him to shreds if my child came up to me and told me he was watching porn in the same room as them. The fact that your kid knows what porn is at such a young age I’m concerned.
Oh wow. It alarms me, that you have to question this. This is so wrong, i'd have left and called the police.
I hope you are another imperfect mum or you've remained with a man that frequently does this (including satisfying himself whilst his children are in the room) for years. If that's the case I think you should stop asking and start acting. Before you do irreversible damage to your children.
What do you mean?
Someone has posted about catching their partner doing this before. And masturbating if I recall correctly. So if this is the same person that poor child is being exposed to sexual misconduct and its been ongoing for a long time now.
My two cents - its never a once off. A man either will do this or never would, no accidents, no chances given.
This child knows of porn and is at a point she's telling her mother and clearly there was no huge reaction so sadly, that's a massive message to the child in itself.
For me, that would be enough to end a relationship.
Definitely not ok. My husband occasionally watches porn but would never watch it while our son is in the room or even awake elsewhere in the house. He only watches it once our son is in bed and well and truly asleep just incase he walked in on him. You need to have a chat with him about how inappropriate it is.