Dear mums ...
I just had a chat with my 4.5 year old sons Childcare coordinator ( very lovely lady we have a good relationship )
She got a call from a parent saying my son touched her sons penis when the child was lieing on a Mat
The coordinator said she isn’t sure how true it is but can I chat to my son in a positive manor ( private parts to keep private )
Please note my child runs around naked most of summer at home and he thinks it’s total normal - maybe this shouldn’t be he case ?? I’m now not sure
I’m so upset for this mother and child imagine how she feels
I’m so upset full stop but also shocked as I havent seen this type behaviour at home - I have 4 boys and yes they joke about farts poo etc but nothing in a sexual manor and this may not of been sexual but it’s a new one for me and I do not know how to deal with it .
I have asked the coordinator to pass on my apologies to the other mother and emphasise I will be chatting to my child
The child care staff on the daycare didn’t see anything.
I didn’t chat to my child yet as I only got information after drop off. And he is pretty good at telling the truth but my panic mode has set in
Any advise is greatly appreciate
5 Replies
If he runs around naked, to him, it's just another body part. Your son, like a LOT of kids, just needs to be told it's a private body part and we don't touch anyone else's or show anyone ours in public. Sounds like the mum actually gets that. Don't panic.
Try not to stress. This is so common, kids are curious, their sense of boundaries isn't quite there yet. It's not a sexual issue, more of a "hey, you've got one of these too".
And that's if it even happened, it may have even been an accidental touch or grab, we've all accidentally brushed a penis or boob in passing at some point. Awkward but you appologise and try and forget about it 🤣
Either way, having a chat about privates being private is always good, and also something I'm sure you know you'll have to remind him of many times in future.
This will probably be unpopular but I actually do think he's grown out of the running around butt naked life stage, I'd probably insist on at least some undies from now on, just to reinforce that 'private' concept and also to encourage protective behaviours.
I know how you feel. I got the call from Mr 6’s teacher to say he had been putting his hand up a girls dress and rubbing her back. I was so shocked as he is one of 5 and had never done anything like this. I felt terrible for the other mum (I sent her a text apology and assurance we would address it immediately) We had a very long discussion about appropriateness. We must ask to touch another person. I also looked at where it may have come from and upon reflection realised it was actually it was something his dad does to me at home. I say this because to my son this was a sign of affection and he was imitating it. Maybe he saw someone else do it on TV or in a book. I wouldn’t expect anything sexual in it and I’m sure his teachers would agree.
Maybe ask the centre to look into getting 'Brave Hearts' to do a ditto show? Is free, teaches kids about appropriate/inappropriate behaviours and what to do when they feel unsafe. You could also look online to see what resources they have with regards to this to help you.
When my eldest was about 3.5-4, completely out of the blue he started telling me about how they play ‘nudey’ games at daycare. I did the whole “don’t touch anyone else’s private body and don’t let anyone else touch your private body”. He then looked at me and said “we don’t touch, we lick”. Very cranky mummy! I somehow managed to calmly explain no touching and no licking of private bodies. Went to daycare the next day to let the staff know. The teacher then had a talk with the whole class, telling them all that no one is allowed to touch their bodies. I kept reinforcing that at home with both my boys while also explaining that there are times it is okay to let someone else touch their private body (such as a dr during an examination), then when doing sex ed at school a partner can touch, but they can always say ‘no’ if they don’t feel comfortable.
Don’t stress too much. Just make sure your son is aware of appropriate and inappropriate touching. At this age it’s curiosity rather than something to be too concerned about.