So annoyed! My BIL is a of a douche (46 lives at home and is too good to work do sponges off my elderly in laws) after a bit of an awkward altercation between my husband and him on father’s day he has been giving my husband the silent treatment... that’s fine my husband always make the effort to say hello and ask how he is but he chooses not to respond.
But at a function the week before Xmas (another family members home) and then Xmas day he came to our home placed himself in the middle of everything whether it be on the lounge or dining table stuck wireless ear phones in and was on his phone all day... so he kind of blocked people from the conversations etc... if he did manage to speak it was to criticise the food or to critise me trying to set the table up nicely.. he was so nasty to his mum all day. Anytime she asked him to help or do something for him he started throwing things around my deck like say kicking the esky cause she asked him if he’d get her a drink (she has had a hip replacement recently). Or straight up ignored her.
And I am just baffled as to why he even came! It made life extremely awkward which isn’t fair to anyone else on the day!
So do you call it out? Leave it be? Or next event cheekily ask him if he is happier today?
I might add he has never been overly social but he has become rude and nasty. And yes my husband told him a few home truths months ago. So maybe thats on us.. but he acted like a sulking teenager!
17 Replies
What the hell?!?
Next family event you host - simply don't invite him, frankly the second he started making you uncomfortable in YOUR home and ruining the day for everyone else, your husband should've pulled him aside and either told him to pull his head life in or leave. I sense that he's been allowed to pull this shit for years, giving him such a sense of entitlement!
So, hell yeah I'd call him out on it. Better late than never, I'd make no bones about the fact he behaved like a self centred sooky child that ruined everyone's day and you won't tolerate that behaviour from an adult in future!
See thats the thing he never does it within my husbands ear shot! Because my husband will absolutely call him out! And then I never want to create drama on the day so don’t pass it on! I need to man up I think and address it when I am confronted by it!
He always arrives with my parents in law so to ask him to leave means they go too..
If your in-laws have to leave places because their 46 year old son can't behave appropriately, that sounds like a whole lot of their problem!
They're enabling it, don't feel like you need to tolerate it for their sakes!
Your so right! They do enable and make excuses for some very poor behaviour
Eughhh dont invite him next time. Give your in laws a break from the jerk.
I bet he’d turn up anyway hehe
If that was the case throw food at him and act as childish as he does.
I’d stop it in its tracks, If someone sat in the way with their earplugs in, I’m the kind of person who’d say”music any good?” Pop it on our stereo and join in the conversation!
But that’s just me. I’d tell hubdog everything, and not invite next time.
Is this what an adult undiagnosed ASD person is like I wonder? He doesn't seem all there. Maybe Mum and Dad know he is a bit different so put up with him out of guilt. Could you try and talk to them to see if they can get the ball rolling for mental help?
You maybe onto something. He can be very manipulative... which isn’t generally typical of ASD is it?
I'm not sure to be honest, but maybe something else if not ASD? He sounds very childish for 46
Not ASD but ODD yes.
I would have said something for sure.
This would explain why he deliberately goes against everything! I mean I announced to everyone him directly in front of me that because my kitchen was tiny how about people grab their meat first and go around to the salads. Everyone jumped up walked around the way I’d requested then he goes straight to the salad and goes against the grain everyone else was... my hubbys best mate called him out on that. But I remember thinking why...
People with autism can appear selfish, rude and self centred.
Read John Elder Robison’s books. He’s written a few as an adult on the spectrum. It’s never too late to get support and change behavior. What’s the plan for him once his parents are gone? He needs support to start to live an independ life. A lot of people get a mid life ASD diagnosis, especially when their kids get diagnosed and they see it in themselves. A diagnosis would pave the way for applying for ndis funding
My brother is almost 40, ASD and your BIL sounds like him in a bad mood.
Whether he has autism, intellectual impairment, mental health issues etc. it is not acceptable behavior! I’m guessing his parents have enabled this type of behavior for years for whatever reason.
I’d call him on it, set some clear boundaries, do it privately so not to embarrass him and potentially escalate the situation
Probably because they know he is different and never knew how to deal with him and have parented out of guilt and feel like they owe him something? ASD diagnosis was really rare 40 years ago, parents and kids had no support or guidance, nothing to what it is today.