Hi mummas, hoping someone has some ideas too help....
Before xmas my partner and I had the discussion about when too tell miss 11 the truth about santa, we decided wed like too celebrate this xmas with her still believing then once xmas and new year was over with we would have the discussion with her and use some ideas off pinterest about believing in things you cant see and her being part of the magic ect.
Then yesterday (xmas day) my dad questions the price of one of miss 11s santa presents, I simply replied I dont know santa bought it. Then my brother comes over and informs me him and my father have already had the santa talk with her and she knows hes not real. My heart literally broke. I told them both how angry I was and it wasnt their place too do that then went outside and had a bit of a cry. Miss 11 is my first born and this was going too be the first time I got too have the Santa talk with one of my children so I'm absolutely devastated. Now, I know my brother and father would have literally said to her that santas not real and me and her dad are the ones that buys the presents.
How can I now turn it into the special moment I was hoping too make it when I had the talk with her? Do I even waste my time now she already knows?
I really want her to know that now she knows the secret of Christmas she gets too help make the magic happen but I dont know how too approach the subject now it's already been discussed.... anyone been through similar or have ideas how I can still make it special for her? I just feel as though the whole thing has been ruined and dont know how too go about it all anymore.. help please!!
Truth about santa
Truth about santa
Posted in:
Kids
25 Replies
Have your talk with her anyway but just start it off with 'now I know you've already been told Santas not real....'
To be honest though I think her school friends would have already told her he's not real if your father and brother hadn't have told her, I knew when i was 10 because of this reason.
*to
Fuck off
I think you’ve over thought this, and built it up in your mind. I can guarantee she had heard talk on the playground about Santa, the tooth fairy and other things for years! Not to mention that every shopping centre has about 6 Santa’s. Kids know this. They shut there mouths and play along. At 11 I would have been very surprised if your child truly believed in Santa.
I don’t see it as something like periods, where you have a talk. As far as I’m concerned, you never tell them, as they get older, they just stop believing naturally. If she still believes in the magic of Christmas, why would you choose to ruin that? I would be pissed with the other two, but I wouldn’t discuss it though, just next year when she questions, you just say, if you don’t believe, you don’t receive. You have kind of made this topic a little complicated, it’s all a bit of fun. I have an 11 year old, he hinted that he didn’t believe and what other kids had said at school and I just answered, Santa only brings to those who believe....he answered, of course I believe....I thought of course he believes, to get a stocking full of presents. But that was the end of the discussion.
Honestly I don't think those stories about taking them out for cocoa are real life. They sound all endearing, but don't put too much weight on it. what's magical about Christmas is the things you do together. So take her out, plan it together if you want to let her in on it, make it fun. That's the special part.
I also agree she probably already knew.
11 is way to old to still believe! My 1st born was told at school in year 1 and I admitted the truth and then told my 2nd when he was in prep coz of the other but they play along for the youngest! I think ur being too naive about it all!
Are you kidding me! 11 is not too old at all! Let kids be kids! You could have kept it alive for your own children but you decided not to! That was you decision it doesn’t make someone else naive.
Yeah, let kids be kids sure, but we also need to let kids grow up.
A typical 11 year old should have developed the logical thinking skills to understand that 1 fat man cannot squeeze down chimneys and deliver presents all over the world in the space of 12 hours.
I honestly think we force the belief of Santa for as long as possible for our own benefits (as parents), a lot of parents see it as that last piece of innocence that they're not ready to let go of, without considering that their kids probably already have passed this life stage and they are perfectly ok with it.
I dont like lying to my kids especially when we teach them not to lie!
She didn't tell you when your brother and dad told her directly, so chances are high she's been told before or figured it out but doesn't want to or doesn't know how to break it to you.
I'd be annoyed with them for taking it upon themselves to tell her, but I think this has upset you 10x more than it would have upset your daughter (I doubt it upset her in the slightest).
Not many 11 year olds still believe in Santa anyway, when I was 11 I hadn't believed in Santa for about 4 years but I played along for my mum's and little brother's sake.
I would have a talk with her, but not in the you originally intended. Just mum to daughter, without all the Pinterest cliches. It'll be much more meaningful and special to her than some cut and paste crap you found on the internet, because if you're really honest with yourself - that was for your benefit, not hers!
Nothing is ruined, the special moments aren't gone, they just change as our kids grow older.
It's better to accept that than cling onto the past.
There's probably a part of her that appreciates her pop and uncles no bullshit approach too, kids dont want sugar coated half truths about magic and what not (especially if she already knew).
A simple "mum and dad are Santa, don't ruin it for the little kids" is probably all she needed to hear!
I have never had 'The Santa talk' and my youngest child of 4 is 14. Unfortunately the big bad world gets to them first, usually some kid at school says something which at least plants the seed of suspicion. Then once they are old enough to think rationale it all comes together like an epiphany. They usually keep pretending to believe though, maybe because of fear of no more presents or just to see how long you can keep going with the lie for 😂. I bet your daughter was OK, and the only one who was upset is you. It's hard to watch kids grow up and this is probably why you're so upset. She has probably known for at least the last 3 years.
To be honest she probably knew before they told her. I work at a school and I find it hard to believe a 11 year old still believes. She was probably just trying to keep you happy. Kids are more switched on than we think!
When I was 11 I got my period, wore a bra and used deodorant.
Kids talk about the santa myth on the playground well and truly by 11. They’ve thought about wether magic is real or an illusion and have put it together that it’s you.
They continue to play along with Santa because it’s fun. Kids are super smart, they’ve questioned how the heck there are all those Santa’s in shops, and they haven’t bought the story they are his helpers. By your daughters age they are well aware it’s make believe and that magic is an illusion.
I think it’s a milestone you wanted to deal with and it’s been taken from you! I understand and would also be annoyed!
My in laws turn up with presents from Santa my husband was quick to tell them it wasn’t ok! But the try to out do the amount of presents every year. Takes away from the magic of Santa when nanny and poppy are team extreme with presents too.
I think your way overthinking it. At 11 She probably already knew. And the fact she didnt come to you all upset meant she probably had already come to terms with it or had realised for a while already and was just playing along. I get you are annoyed because you had an idea of how you wanted to approach it but who knows, you may have started the talk and she could of just shrugged and said she already knew.
My little sister knew aroubd that age. She didnt care But pretended she beleieved for a couple extra years because she thought she'd get more presents haha
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I think the pinterest stuff is more directed at 6 or 7 year olds. My niece is 11 and if my sister tried to give her a special pinterest inspired santa talk, she'd roll her eyes and say shes not a baby. I know you wanted to make is special which is so lovely of you but I think you missed the window of opportunity to talk about the magic and just needed to explain that you wanted to make it extra special for her so shes not to ruin it for the little kids and she has to keep playing along for their sake.
I have an eleven year old boy, totally agree with this and the eye rolls lol
I think children let you know when they are ready to do/not do things. So often they’re forced into society “norms”, when we are all completely different so why should they be treated as the same.
I understand how you might feel like you’ve missed a milestone. Nothing wrong with feeling that way. It shows how much you care. If I were you, I would sit down with her and talk about what they said to her and how she feels about it. My daughter is 10 and is starting to question it but still believes but when she is ready, I was thinking I might approach it with the original folktale if St Nicolas and how we continue that tradition.
What an arsehole thing to do. I was never told, and I’ve never told any of my kids (5 yrs-18yrs) Sure we worked it out but why does anyone need to ruin it for you.
My 4 year old has the cognitive capacity to realise it's a story and not real. She still lives santa and Christmas but she's not stupid. My eldest didn't question it until he was 5,but I sincerely doubt that they 'broke' the news. They probably confirmed something she'd wanted clarified that she didn't think you would answer honestly. The joy of Christmas will continue completely unaffected... Don't stress.
To those saying she would always know... not always. My boss daughter still believed at this age, regardless of what others said. I told my children they were to “play” along and they were younger. It’s NOT up to anyone but the parents!!!
My 4 yr old and 6 yr old both asked this year if Santa was real and so we had 'the talk'. First I asked if they were sure they wanted to know the truth, because once they know, there is no going back to the way it was before. Then I told them that yes Santa is real, just not as they expected. Now that they know, they are to choose one person to bless at Christmas and be their Santa. Miss 4 was told with enough time for her to be Santa for our neighbour. Mr 6 will get to choose someone next year too. My eldest two kids have been Santa for a few years now. I would still have a conversation with her, and use it as an opportunity to create Christmas magic for someone else.