Merry Christmas everyone. I have a dilemma I'd like help with.
I've been married to my hubby for almost 20 yrs, used to have a good relationship with his family, sometimes strained. His mother goes through fads of disliking her childrens' partners, I've been on the outer before as have the others. We've never had a run-in, but last Christmas she told hubby that I am no longer welcome in her home as I make her feel uncomfortable. I know for a fact I have done nothing wrong, so assumed it was another phase. Last Boxing Day he went to visit them and of course I stayed at home - our children stayed behind (teenagers - they chose not to go as they were confused about her behaviour).
This year comes around again and off hubby has gone again. It seems to be making me stew a bit more this time around, for some reason.
So I'm sitting here stewing and need some advice. I'm thinking of writing her a letter to say the children have chosen not to visit her etc and how I feel. I'd point out in this letter that she has worked her way around all the inlaws, saying hurtful things behind their backs (in doing this, I know if she chooses to show anyone the letter it shows her true colours).
It's straining my marriage, I'm frustrated with hubby for not standing up to her and also mad at the rest of the family for the same reason. I haven't demanded he stay home as I am not going to stop him seeing them, although I'd like to.
Would you write a letter? Apart from taking our children out for the day and sharing a special day, what steps would you take to help move on? Our children don't receive presents from her even though the other grandchildren do, and they know that.
Mean MIL
Mean MIL
Posted in:
Life Lessons
2 Replies
I wouldn’t write a letter.
I would let the children know how you feel as they are you’re children and they have been effected.
Next year... I’d go on holidays Boxing Day and forget her childish behaviour.
I wouldn’t say much to other family members, but I’m the kind of person who would invite everyone (including mil) around for dinner and drinks. Then everyone would see she’s the one with the problem.
To be perfectly honest, if she's that irrational that she goes through spurts of disliking her children's partners for no good reason, nothing you say in that letter will have any effect on her at all, in fact, she sounds either quite narcissistic or possibly mentally ill to some degree (this is not normal behaviour by any stretch of the imagination) so it's most likely going to end up twisted to make you look like the bad guy.
Write the letter, use it as a cathartic tool, let 20 years of resentment out until you've got nothing left to say. Then take the time to consider the implications giving it to her may have for you and your kids, ask yourself if it will make you feel better by giving it to her or if there's any positive outcomes by doing so.