Hey mumma’s,
Do any of you have a MIL that you never want to see again? I’m not sure how to deal with this stuff anymore she is satan I’m sure...she always speaks bad of my family (which she doesn’t really know.), my ethnicity, always calls my 88 year old grandmother fat ( I honestly don’t think this appropriate), always tells me I’m not doing enough for her son I do all chores, take care of the child etc he works and sleeps...I can’t do much more. He hasn’t been eating much lately but I cook the food he asks for and she says if he lived with her he wouldn’t be so thin...I’m trying my best to always be put down and told what I am which is never enough. She wants my son to stay with her because she can do better than me with him, he is a lovely boy and never had any complaints about his care or how he is developing. She gets angry that my son is attached to me and takes him and says things along the lines of “ mummy doesn’t want you.” . I try to speak to my husband about this stuff but I’m always wrong. So I don’t anymore. We live in her house and if I ever stand up for myself she threatens to take the house away. I feel so stressed I try my best but im always a loser. I don’t know what appropriate action would be required. I have started to get severe anxiety around my partners family I can’t cope. Any useful advice would be welcomed.
15 Replies
Sweetheart take your little family and move out . Rent your own place . My MIL is a monster too and I also have nothing to do with her . The best way to solve this is to move out in your own space with ur partner and child .
Ah! Get your own place. Asap. Rent a shit shack or whatever just move out of her house (I take it that she just owns the house not live there but either way get out!). She is exactly like my ex MIL and she has alienated one of my children away from me, he is now 19. This is exactly the kinds of things she used to do. Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder in mothers and you will probably nod your head as you read the signs. Get far away from her she is psychologically dangerous.
It’s so terrible no matter how much I try to include her she always has to make me the outsider. What tipped you over the edge with your MIL?
Appropriate action would be finding yourself and your child somewhere to live elsewhere.
If your husband doesn’t have your back then he isn’t doing his job, and will never be a true husband.
No house is worth that nonsense. I’d prefer to live in a cardboard box, a shelter or couch surf than put up with her belittling.
I’ve tried to tell my husband so many times that we could live somewhere else, the thing is he works for his dad and that too would cut his income to nothing. I’ve thought about just taking my child and staying at my parents
They have control over your life, MIL treats you however you like and if you don't like it you lose your home and income. You need to get away from that. Move to your parents home and give your husband an ultimatum. If he does not agree to find another job and house then I think you should go your own way. Having your life controlled and be blackmailed into being treated like a doormat is no way to live. Just be prepared for war because things might get real nasty. Don't let your child go anywhere without court orders in place.
You can't change the way people treat you, you can only change how you react!
Your husband won't hear you despite your many attempts, your MIL sounds like a vindictive piece of work (there's not reasoning with people like that). Stop letting these people wear you down, I would take your son and stay with your parents. It'll either give your husband the kick up the ass he needs or he'll stick around and let mummy run his life but at least you'll be free!
You stay in this situation you're just sending the message that the way they treat you is ok!
I’ve thought that is the only option it’s been going on for 2 years since my son was born and I’ve been patient but I don’t think I can keep trying anymore. I think the next step is just to leave because no one will hear me so if I’m not living here then I owe them nothing.
Move out and rent a place, for your own sanity. Tell your hubby he may not see the problem in what’s happening because he’s still attatched to his mums apron. He’s letting her run her mouth about your parenting and your family. You live in her house why? Especially if she’s uses it as ammunition to get her own way and you are scared of her. Ask him how he’d feel if he knew your mum thought “he was a lazy shit dad that didn’t do enough for his wife?” “That him going out and working and earning money is not how she pictured her daughters life, she envisioned you being treated like a queen! Not a slave to a man and a child you should have a cleaner that comes 3 days a week so you barely have to life a finger, and how dare he think he is worthy to be your husband?” “that your mil should worship you for giving her a grandson to further the family name” “that she thinks he is not fit or sexy enough and he’s definitely punching above his weight” “ that you can do better!!”
Listen - as long as your son is in a healthy weight range so what! My son is almost 10, 143cm tall he weighs 35kgs and not from a lack of trying to get him to gain weight, he eats a high carb, high fat, high protein diet with fruit and veg included he hasn’t stopped growing since the age of 4, he’s a size 12 in length and an 8 in width but he’s super strong and muscly, every one always mentions how skinny he is but they’re not the ones feeding him. And I know how much he eats. See a doctor if you’re seriosuly concerned and the next time she says something say “dr ****** said just last week that he’s completely fine and he will fatten up in time, just like my grandma” but also Just ignore her comments, work on not letting them always get to you and find a way to get your frustration out once the wretched woman leaves.
Make sure he’s always eating cake when she rocks up and mention it’s the only way he’s gonna fatten up and pack on the pounds. [whisper things like] like his dad who’s carrying the extra weight becasue (dads mum) fed him waaay too much. Don’t make obvious comments make them just as snide as hers, play her at her own game. And if she hassles you tell her “I can’t beleive what your insinuating, as if I’d unhandedly insult you mid conversation, I’m goimg to call my mum” “let’s go to talk to grandma (insert child’s name) on the phone and ask her for advice on how to fatten you up for nana so she leaves me alone to do my job of raising you” or simply ask her “well what would you cook for him, to get him to chub up like (insert her husbands name” , what do you think he’s lacking” “write a food diary for child and leave it lying around”
PS
I am so mad for you! I can’t stand other women that treat women like this. DIL/MiL or not. Just lock your doors and pretend like you’ve gone for a walk. Change the locks if she has keys. You’re a strong woman for putting up with this but you’ll be a stronger woman for standing up to your husband and telling him to stand up to his mum like a husband should. Not like some pussy still attatched to his mums apron. I’m a defensive person, and I’m trying to rain it in. But these are all things that ran through my head. My ex MIL used to hassel me about my son being so skinny a lot.
Get a place of your own. You don't have to move hours away so that hubby doesn't have a job anymore, just get your own space. Once she's not in your back pocket all of the time it will probably be much better. Frankly, if it's impacting on you to the degree you are saying, I would be directive to hubby though. "I can't live with this anymore. We move out as a family, or I move out"
My MIL is kind of like this too but shes a bit more subtle about it. You need to move out and rent your own place. Keep her at an arms length. I dont accept any offers of help from mine, especially in terms of living arrangements, because i just dont want to be owned like that by her. Your husband needs to either get on your side or you need to leave him.
She sounds like a narcissist, if they're hurting you emotionally, no one gets to tell you that they're not. Your partner needs to support you and help you set boundaries with them.
Move out!!!!!!!
Only way to resolve this issue is to get your own home.
Your mother in law is jealous of the woman you are, hence the verbal beat downs. It's cruel your son has to endure mental abuse from his grandmother.
Time to stand up for yourself. Put the big girl pants on and stop being a victim. You will need to commit to this and do what ever it takes.
Firstly, she is manipulating you, she says hurtful things that hold a world of implications and result in you feeling hurt. When you get hurt by her words she wins. It’s a pattern. Every time she says hurtful things respond with “what do you mean”..... for example, when she says “if I was to cook for him he wouldn’t be so skinny” say what do you mean? “Your grandma is fat” what do you mean? “Your family is crap” what do you mean. This simple question holds her accountable for her statements.
Secondly, it’s not you it’s her with the problem. She is continuously picking on you because SHE has a problem. It’s not that you are a problem it’s that she has a problem. Remember this when ever you are around her. It’s her problem not yours. Don’t make it your problem by getting upset.
Thirdly, who cares what this lady thinks.
Fourth, stop interacting with her, don’t go to family gatherings, avoid them like the plague. and when your asked why, tell them the truth. That you don’t feel comfortable being around such negativity and you don’t like how his mum talks to you. Leave it at that, you don’t have to justify yourself.
Fifth, get a hobby, something that is just for you. This is so important for our mental health, join a club, a gym, a sport, a book club, anything. Get some indoor dance from these people.
Lastly if this doesn’t work, tell hubby he has 1 month to sort this out or you’re moving out, be detailed in what you want. If nothing is done move out. Take your child and free yourself of that negativity.
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I'm not a physically violent person, but reading how she treats you makes me want to punch some fkn Sense into her. Omfg.
I'd tell hubby he needs to stand up for his family, especially you!!!!
I'd also tell him you're going to start looking for another place to stay and if youre successful, give her an ultimatum. Fuck the attitude and demeaning stature off or face a avo or whatever they are. She is mentally and emotionally abusive as fuck.
If you're able to stay with friends or family, that would be great. She is just a cow.