I have an appointment to get legal advice, but i just want others experiences
Does anyone know what the laws are with an ex step parent? Legal rights, responsibilities, what a court would give if they took me to court?
Backstory:
Bio father out of life for a while, then started to come back in now.
Ex step is helping with 1st child, but only recently, before was very reluctant and barely spent time with child.
I have a second child with this person
My current partner of 6 years has been 1st childs "other" parent for that long.
1st Child does spend time with ex step parent.
20 Replies
What exactly is happening? Are there 3 Dads in this picture? Is there any harm with the first child spendimg time with ex step parent? If not then let them be, sounds great that he's treating both kids the same even though he doesn't have to. Don't complicate things if you don't have to.
The ex step dad sees child. But wants legal rights similar to adopting. I'm happy for (i specify ex step dad because my current partner is stepdad) ex step dad to see child. Just looking for experiences where an ex step dad has taken biological parents to court for legal rights when both bio parents in the picture... technically this makes 6 parents for 1 child... but legally only 2 can make decisions regarding medical etc.
No I don't think he has a chance of that
I'd say he has as much chance of that as you would seeing a unicorn.
I'm confused...what is it you want to happen?
Tl rd version.
3 dads.
1 bio Dad
2 ex step dad.
3 current partner, living with myself and child.
Dad 2 wants legal rights to child. Both bio parents are alive and in childs life (dad 1 only recently reconnected but still...)
Threatening to take us to court over it.
Looking for advice on possible outcomes.
He would have no chance of getting that. I wouldn't worry about it.
I’m kind of confused. What’s happening?
May be best to clarify the situation for people to provide better support.
Sorry. I re-read and realised my trying to leave out identifiable details make this hard to read.
Dad 1 bio
Dad 2 ex step dad
Dad 3 current and forever partner
Child lives with myself and dad 3 (4 years living, 6 years together, known each other since high school so more than a decade)
Child spends time with dad 2, including him and his girlfriend doing school runs.
Child is trying to reconnect with dad 1, as child does not know about the dvo and abuse i suffered at his hands (nor do i plan to tell child...)
Dad 1 has regularly stated his intention to reconnect and therefore refuses to give up legal rights.
Dad 2 wants legal rights to child. However as far as i can tell, dad 1 has to give up rights. And dad 2 has threatened court proceedings to get legal rights.
Looking for the small amount of people who may have been in similar circumstances for their experences and bias' in courts etc
I commented above, deleted it as I think i did misunderstand what exactly what you were asking.
To clarify, your child's bio dad is involved in their life now but only recently?
You re-partnered and had another child with this person, that relationship didnt work out and your first child stayed in touch with this step father - in summary, you have 2 kids, 2 dad's and a new current partner (not judging btw, just trying to make sure I've got it this time)?
Now the first step dad wants to be legally recognised with parental rights over that child?
If that's the case, he won't be granted actual rights that a bio parent has. If they have a significant relationship, he may be given visitation rights but that's about all so I wouldn't worry.
Thats exactly what i was trying to say lol. Thank you. He already has visitation rights. I allowed it so chil could spend more time with sibling.
Sounds like you've been more than accommodating towards their relationship and considered what's best for the kids then, a lot of mums wouldn't have even allowed the visitation so I think he's very lucky to get that!
Good luck with it All!
Yes I’ve been here . And recently too ! My sons bio dad has just come back into my sons life with a vengeance ( my son is 14) and he wants all rights to include him in his new family’s life . My son wants to be included because he’s 14 and old enough to have a say . My husband ( my sons step dad ) has been in his life since he was 7 months old and has been his only dad . Bio dad has him every weekend and school holidays but is now pushing us to let him live with his family and that’s where I drew the line . He went as far as setting up mediation with a proposal to a court hearing . His wife has encouraged all this he’s happily going along with it which is fine by me . No one could agree as it’s also not fair on my husband as he’s been there my sons whole life and has been greatly upset with these sudden demands . My son has always called him dad . He never even knew he had another until we told him when he was 9. Anyway it went to court and judge ruled the arrangement to stay as is and that unless my son actually wants to , then there’s no reason for him to legally live there as bio dad hasn’t been around his whole life and the judge even made a comment that my hubbys desires for the child matter too because he’s been his only hands on dad his whole life . Bio dad came back in two years ago , judges need to see the dynamics of the households . Why change what isn’t broken when plenty of visitations are fine .
I think you need to think about what in the best interests of your oldest child. Your second partner obviously sees himself as your first child’s father, just because you have found a new partner and moved on and deadbeat bio father wants to play daddy, I feel it very sad that he’s the one who gets dropped because it’s all too complicated for you.
You can’t just replace people in your child’s life, just because you’ve replaced step dad 2 with current partner, doesn’t mean step dad 2 will replace his step child and your child will replace him, just because it’s convenient for you. People have hearts, they aren’t rubbish that you throw away when they are no longer useful to you. It sounds as though step dad/partner 2 stepped up and you enjoyed him treating g your child as his own but now its inconvenient you want to drop him like a hot potato. People have hearts, your child and your ex partner, honour their wishes and relationship.
You’re teaching your child that people are disposable.
I don't think you understand what the OP is saying, perhaps you should go back and read her replies here - at no point did she say she wanted to cut this man off entirely!
She doesn't want to stop them having a relationship, she actually stated further up that she has allowed him visitation with the child.
She just doesn't want him to have legal parenting rights, that he's threatened to take her to court for.
Him becoming legally recognised as the child's parent is neither possible or appropriate since said child has both biological parents in their life!
OP here. As poster above said. I have faciliatated a relationship with ex step dad. He and his girlfriend do my school runs while i work monday to friday. I was just wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation and been taken to court for legal guardianship of a child that was not biologically theirs, while both bio parents are alive and in childs life.
It might seem complicated to others, but to me, this has been my life for a while now and its quite simple. It takes a village to raise a child... we have the makings of one with 6 parents for 2 children.... add in grandparents and aunties and uncles and cousins... i have some of the most loved children that I've ever met.
So no, the people in my childrens life are not disposable. Not in any way shape or form. In fact, I've allowed my eldest to continue a relationship with a man who hurt me so badly at one point, i still flinch when he comes close... but he never hurt my child and my child wants to see him. If that's not the opposite of disposable, i don't know what is.
I'm not sure what you hoped the accomplish with your advice, but please be nicer next time. Your words have power on here. Especially if i had been more fragile and less of a fighter.
You might want to say it’s all sunshine and rainbows, but you have two kids with father’s with domestic violence backgrounds and choose to send them anyway, in the hopes that all goes well and you’re a saint that facilitates all these relationships. You also have a child that was left by their bio father and now, at an age they understand (I assume) having to rebuild the father/child bond.
I don’t know how old your first child is, but they have had three different father figures in their short life. Now I wouldn’t be this brutally honest, normally, but the way you talk, with such a lack of insight, like you are some wonderful person, I think it needs to be said, some self reflection may be in order, some soul searching and some recognition that maybe you haven’t given your kids the most stable of upbringing and perhaps they could have some baggage from this.
I am a single mum by the way.
Also sounds like you don’t want to upset dad ex 2 because he’s useful, does the school runs for you. That must come in handy hey? Is that what you call facilitating time together?
You really need to stop being so judgemental and putting your own insight to what you think maybe the case.
There are plenty of families in the same position as the OP iam not sure what gives you the right to throw forward an sight so incredibly nasty and judgmental as yours.
I think the OP is very considerate considering most people walk away from relationships and dont even give the exes a thought let alone visitations.
We live in a world thats full of blended families and very blended families, you maybe a single mum and just maybe one day you may just find yourself in the same predicament as this lady and maybe you may cop some seriously nasty but unnecessary feedback as you have given.
To the OP the ex may get visitation rights but thats about all. For him to get legal parenting rights it means that bio dad would have to sign his rights over and clearly that isnt going to happen, it does take a village to raise kids hence why these days there are so many self righteous brats running about thinking they are entitled, because that mentality has gone out the window along with discipline