Big of a long story but a bit of a background my middle child just turned 7. She was conceived as a twin and unfortunately her twin passed on at 11 weeks. I suffered a mild ischeamic stroke 2 months before she was born and they assured me she was ok and no damage had been done. My whole pregnancy was MAJOR stress from my unstable mother dragging me through court for custody of my eldest and stalking my house and trying to kidnap my eldest. My midwife decided to induce the birth at 37 weeks as there was concerns about her growth and the stress she had endured. The induction was a 4 day induction. She was born healthy. At a midwife visit at 2 weeks my daughter stopped breathing in the midwifes arms and was rushed to hospital. This was just the start of a long 6 month hospital visits due to breathing issues. She was given steroids and ventolin and numerous times it was touch and go if she would survive and was told twice she was Down syndrome but both times the tests came back negative. When she was 14 months old myself and her had a ski boat accident where our ski boat exploded and burnt to the water. ( I don’t need judgement but we had no life jackets on). I then jumped from the boat with my child and due to fear and adrenaline I couldn’t keep myself and her above water and thought one of us was going to die but we were rescued and taken to hospital with burns all down our left side and my child’s hair all burnt off on the left side. Fast forward to when she was 2 and doctors noticed she had extremely large tonsils and diagnosed this as the issue for her breathing problems so she has her tonsils and adenoids removed. (The tonsils took up her whole throat and were massive) Then when she was 3 her 4 front teeth started going black and rotting away so she had them removed. She started prep in 2017 and all year I knew something wasn’t right but the teacher dismissed it. I then moved her schools 3 months before the end of the year and the new school picked up after two weeks there was a problem. It turns out she only had 20% hearing and that I needed to prepare myself for hearing aids. It turns out getting grommets solved the issue as she had blocked eustacian tubes. Due to this she has had to repeat this year in prep again (she is massive compared to the other tiny preps). My issue is she is not really bonding with the other kids and I am not sure if I am normal but I am just so heart broken she had has a hard life and it breaks my heart knowing people don’t want to be her friend and that people say nasty things to her. I mean I cry nearly every day out of worry for her and worry if she is happy or if someone is being mean to her. I just want to pull her out of school and keep her with me forever because I can’t handle her being upset or people not being her friend. The icing on the cake was yesterday someone went into her school bag and stole her lunch. She didn’t tell the teacher she just sat there and starved all day. This has absolutely destroyed me to think kids could be so mean and how upset she must have been knowing someone did it to her and that she was starving and I wasn’t there to help. This is seriously affecting my life and I am wondering is it normal to feel this way about a child like I am so heartbroken and don’t know what to do to move past this and learn to be brave and stop stressing. I just feel so sorry for her after the hard life she had had and the fight she has put up to be here I want her to be happy. I really don’t know if I am even making sense but we just have a strong bond and everyone loves and adores and is friends with her two sisters but no one wants to be her friend and are mean to her.
10 Replies
What is the school doing about this? Have you approached them to ensure there is a teacher nearby to stop bullying? Kids are brutal, but for a prep to be as brutal as taking her lunch that is very extreme. They need to be aware.
Can you try and set up some play dates for her after school or on the weekend? Or do a co-curricular activity with kids her age?
I won't lie and say it's easy, because having a kid in our class who was older she was always a bit left out but that was because she was much more developed than us and we just didn't understand. Maybe the school needs to do something about acceptance of everyone and make more effort for her <3
Tell the school tomorrow. Model to her how to tell the teacher when this happens. They can help.
These things do happen I have been in many prep classrooms and to be ho nest I haven't seen any child being outcast. Theyre very good at being inclusive. If youre worried theyre not, speak to the teacher for some more help with it and ideas for support for her.
I'm so angry for your baby girl. Wish she was in my sons prep class - they would have gotten along so well. Talk to school. Express your concerns. Don't let them dismiss you. Hugs xx
It's normal to feel this way. I am like this with my youngest, I am always stressing over how people treat him. My ex and his family don't believe he is his kid and rejected him since birth while treating our other 3 kids normally. All because he had blonde curly hair and my ex and I don't, but his family are all blondies and my side all have curly hair. I had kids with me 24/7 but somehow managed an affair with a curly blonde guy. I wish 😂. So I have felt sorry for him from birth and I think I have just gone into over protection mode with him. It sounds like you are doing the same. It's over compensating to balance out the negative things that have happened. You must remember though that your daughter will not know what shes been through because she would have been too young to remember any of it, except of course what is currently happening at school.
Thankyou so much for your comment you have no idea how much better it has made me feel to hear I am not the only one. 😘😘 I am sorry to hear you are copping from your ex and his family that’s disgusting to isolate one child and to even doubt the paternity. My cousin was born looking if Chinese decent and has full Australian parents but it was a throw back from one of the parents great grandfathers.
My little boy has some disabilities....I feel exactly the same way, thankfully the majority of the time, the kids are amazing but there has been a couple of incidences that have upset me. Talk to the teacher, let her know what’s going on and look in the class for another loner or different kid, organise play dates and encourage her to play with that child.I promise you as your child gets older, she will find her tribe. My little boy doesn’t have hundreds of friends,but he has his select couple of friends and they are deep and meaningful friendships and he loves school and is happy. As they get older, they see what’s what and know who they want to spend time with.
I think it sounds like you’ve had some very stressful times and this is impacting your relationship. Maybe you should see a psychologist to discuss your feelings.
I feel like this about my oldest. She has a speech delay so we're giving her another year at kinder to help with her confidence.
She is such a sweet, funny kid, she just doesn't talk when she's at kinder because she thinks they don't understand her.
I've enrolled her in some extra activities like dance and footy and swimming. She loves these and it gets her out of her comfort zone.
Speak to the teacher. They can keep an eye out to make sure your child has someone to play with.
Role model with her at home how to ask to play, how to stand up for her self and how to talk to the teacher. Role modeling is powerful at this age. When something is happening they have the tools to deal with it.
Good Luck mumma. It's a tough job. Sounds like you're nailing it.
Being overly protective is definitely normal. But how are the school helping? They need to help. Or you need to find a school that will help
Yes it is normal! You do need to be brave and learn how to move forward for both of you. It sounds like there is a lot of compounded trauma, a counsellor can help you or a naturopath with supplements to help anxiety and the effects. Shop around and don’t give up if you don’t find the right person to help you straight up.
I experienced a lot of trauma in my eldest early years, this affected her and consequently she had severe anxiety that was tipped over when her prep teacher left half way through the year to have a baby. I ended up homeschooling her when she continued to suffer because of the effect of my alcoholic husband. I think early years are vital to have solid parental support especially if there’s been adverse trauma. I think the school should be made aware and helping you but I also believe it’s up to the parent to raise emotionally resilient children and that is hard if you arnt there yourself. You have a heart of gold and it will lead you to do what you can for your child.
Also I have a hearing loss in both ears and it can be very isolating as a child, it’s harder to have confidence to speak up if ur unsure what’s being said. Try to tap into how she is processing her experiences by asking thoughtful questions and navigate how to address those things in your home in conversations that will help her know you understand her, hear her and are aware of those troubles she faces. It seems like your very connected energetically so it should be possible for you to intuitively work out what she specifically needs. It is hard when others can’t give that (like kids in her class) so keep looking for a few good social friends she can have meaningful experience with aside from the school. Lots of love to your healing and growth.