My husband's family have some very close friends that they consider their family over real family. They come to absolutely everything and that's just the way it has always been for them. The people are lovely, always friendly and you can have a good conversation with them. However, something has really started to irk me and it's becoming really annoying.
No matter what the event is, they always bring along extra people without consulting anyone. It doesn't seem to bother anyone else, but it's really pissing me off.
At our engagement party, the kids each bought along 2 extra guests (so 4 more guests in total) who were helping themselves to the "free" alcohol (on a tab) as their predrinks for a party. When it came to the wedding, their teenage kids weren't invited as our venue was strictly over 18s. They blew up and caused a scene, as did his family about how we are excluding them and they come to all family events. I kept my cool and just calmly explained they wouldn't be invited due to venue policies. They even discussed getting them a fake ID to come along!!!!
Anyways, earlier this year we hosted a surprise party that was catered and once again had a tab. Surprise surprise, the (now) adult kids bought along 2 friends each PLUS one bought her boyfriend. So 5 extras.
So recently we had my son's birthday party which was at a place where we had to pay per head. I made sure on it to write "To X, X, X and X" which included their boyfriend's also. Anyways, they never RSVPd but I paid for them anyways. Come the day, they rock up with 3 extra people. To a fucking 2 year old's party. I was even like Oh hi, I've actually already paid for everyone so they'll have to go and pay for themselves at the front. Which they never did... so I had to over the cost for the 3 extra people.
I'm just really getting over it, they do it all the time and I'm actually now considering excluding them from any events we have. My husband doesn't like this idea as this family mean a lot to him, and he has discussed it in the past with them that they can't just keep bringing people without asking. But nothing changes. If they messaged me prior to coming to ask if they could bring people along I'd most likely say yes to one or two, but it's just getting really annoying.
How do you deal with people like this? I don't feel I should have to pay for their adult children's friends to come along to events that mean nothing to them. They just happily help themselves to food and drinks like they're meant to be there (obviously it isn't the guest's they bring alongs fault though).
7 Replies
this is INCREDIBLY rude of them especially when its a per head situation etc. i would try and talk to the kids (now adults) as they probably aren't aware of how rude this is. If this is what their parents have always allowed to happen they just think this is normal. And young adults are always self centred at the best of times so sometimes it takes a kind word for them to realise the error of their ways. its much better coming from you kindly than a stranger they might do it to and be asked to leave or whatever. good luck.
I would stop inviting them, obviously only going for the free food and booze which is ruder than not giving someone an invite. You've given enough chances. If you really must invite them write on the invitation that extras are not allowed or will have to pay their way.
If you know they're like this just phone prior and check if they're coming explaining you're paying per head. But I'm thinking maybe it's easier to hold kids bday parties where you don't pay per head or you're just paying for the kids? Seems like you're creating situations you know this will be an issue since you know what they're like and that they're so important to your hubby and inlaws. Pick your battles
So based one a minority of selfish people they should base it around them? Ridiculous
Not at all. Hence the suggestion that she call just prior to check. It gives a situation where it can be addressed prior. But if this is the norm in the family, it's probably also a good idea to understand this. After all, the husband doesn't appear to mind.... Seems like it would be easier just to accept the culture of the family.
You've kind of set the bar by allowing this to continue so long really, it seems like a fairly normal occurrence for other get togethers so maybe they've just assumed you're as relaxed about it as the rest of the family.
You just need to be honest with them - Id say something like:
"hey, if your kids want to bring guests you need to run it by us first, I plan for X amount of people and extras showing up I don't know about throws a everything out of whack, plus it's just courteous"
I’d stop hosting events that you pay for. Don’t put down a bar tab, and follow up invites with a phone call of confirmation,
Do they host events? Do the same back, surely they might see your point then?