My partner just can’t say sorry
We have an argument or he is nasty and he never says sorry. I have to ask for an apology and it’s never sincere
We had an argument yesterday over something small I said sorry and he just continued to be mad till this afternoon. Then tonight he asked for sex and I said no as you hurt my feelings and never gave me an apology
He reckons he doesn’t have to apologise as I should know he is sorry. And if he does say sorry when I ask it’s always sounds like that child that was forced to say sorry by a parent to a sibling they hurt.
Is it too much to want a proper apology without having to ask for it.?!
9 Replies
I'm kind of the same as him. It's somethi ng I just never learnt to do, recover after being mad at someone.
It sucks because making up is really important.
Just tell him very bluntly you dont know hes sorry, all you know is whatever last happened so youre still stressed until its resolved and he does need to apologise. It doesn't have to be the words sorry but it does have to be a peace offering to make things ok again.
You need to explain that hearing the words helps you heal and looks after your relationship. But you need to understand that he gets to say sorry on his timeline not yours. And if it is something small, saying sorry isn't always required. Sometimes, focusing on forward rather than rehashing is a positive thing.
Even if it’s something small he sulks and is cranky for 24-48 hours that why I want an apology
I’ve explained why I want an apology but he said people don’t need to apologise for things they do yet he expects it off me
Is he genuinely sulking as a way to punish you? If so, that's the issue, not the absence of a word. I wonder whether he just struggles to bounce back after a disagreement though and he's battling his own emotions inside? If that's the case, it's not about you. I can react that way when my anxiety increases. Over time my hubby has learnt to recognise when I just can't get my emotions back to normal and he'll say, 'babe... We had a small disagreement and it's over. What do you need to settle?' sometimes I need to get out of the house as a family but I'm not ready to interact so we go for a drive. Sometimes I need something fun to shake the ruminating thoughts out of my head so we'll go motorbike riding or kayaking or something with the kids. And sometimes I just need some quiet time to reset myself so I'll sew or take the dogs for a walk. I don't apologise for when I'm like that. But I say thank you to him because he knows me, understands that I hate feeling anxious so when I do, it can be hard to shake it off and understands it's my issue not his. Being given the time to adjust my emotions and the support so I don't panic about the fact that it's hard has helped with reducing how often i need that support. I'm not saying accept being treated poorly, I'm just saying that no one is perfect. If getting an apology for everytime you have a small fight is important to how secure you feel in this relationship, maybe explain it to him when you're both loving and he is able to hear what you're saying.
Yes. I'm the first poster and I agree. My ideal partner is someone that will lead the way with reconciliation and push/snap me out of it with love.
My husband is exactly the same. He however has ADHD and I’ve read that a lack of empathy is normal so I have now kinda let him off the hook. However, I do ask for an apology but he gets all mad or childish and turns it around saying it’s my fault but I just calmly explain the situation kinda dot point for dot point and then say now you need to apologise.
ADHD my arse. Google: Narcissistic Personality Disorder and RUN, they are damaging and toxic.
Counseling
Google: Narcissistic Personality Disorder and if he ticks the boxes, quietly (without muttering a word) pack your bags when he's not home and RUN!!!!