What have I done wrong?
My 5 year old son has just been put on a behaviour management plan at school (he's in prep). Most of his life, he has been a very respectful, happy child with beautiful manners. But over the last few months he has developed a horrible attitude and has been quite challenging to handle. He has also started physically reacting to other children at school by punching and kicking etc. He has become rude and smart mouthed and just plain disrespectful.
I've always been firm with him when it comes to rules and having respect. He knows when he is doing the wrong thing, but he continues to do it anyway.
I've tried talking to him about it many times, and he just tells me that he knows he's done the wrong thing and that he's silly or something similar. I've tried confiscating things as punishment. I've tried telling him how sad it makes mummy feel when he behaves poorly, and how happy it makes me feel when he makes good choices.
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've failed him.
I guess I just want to know if it's something I've done, or if it's just a phase, or if there's something else I should be doing to help set him straight. Thanks
Challenging behaviour
Challenging behaviour
Posted in:
Kids
7 Replies
Prep was really hard for us... But grade 1 fell apart. We needed a paediatrician and adhd was diagnosed. It's been a long process and we're still trying to get things right but I'm a good mum with a really good kid. But school is exhausting for him because he struggles to concentrate and then emotional regulation goes out the window. Get a referral to a paediatrician. Your son might just be testing boundaries but he might also have something going on that you haven't realised yet.
My advice is to get into a pediatrician or behavioural psychologist for children.
If its new, its most likely a reaction than an issue so thats great.
Also, there are kids who are just beautiful one on one, but in a classroom its too much and the behaviours come out.
Maybe he's struggled feom the start of prep and youre just now seeing the reaction because hes lost hope and now showing it by bad behaviour.
I can only guess, a professional will be able to get to the bottom of it foe sure and help you get him back on track.
My son had alot of trouble in prep and year 1! The amount of times i was called to speak with the teacher after class or the principal was embarrassing and I dreaded it. He was suspended twice. Honestly spent so many hours stressing about what to do and where i went wrong.
Hes in year 3 now and has been doing excellent! His last two teachers have been really amazing with him.(his year 1 teacher was an absolute nightmare)
Just keep doing what your doing and following through with punishments.
I know it's hard not to stress but most kids who are naughty at school at that age dont grow up to be horrible people.
Good luck!
Just want to say, both my boys went through the feral fives! It was a major shock because their attitudes were crazy!
However see a GP.
This is probably sounding too simple, but have you had your child’s hearing checked, eyes checked or do you notice anything else that he could be struggling with?
My son has taken a bit over 2yrs to adjust to school. He has ADHD and also Auditory Processing Disorder (and likely dyslexia) and needed glasses. My son is much more settled now we addressed these issues. My daughter took a bit over 3yrs to settle into school and even speak to anyone and it turns out she has hypoglycaemia (so needed an extra snack time) and has social anxiety. Again, she’s so much better after addressing these things.
I always look at a child’s hunger, hydration, sleep, downtime, hearing, sight or any other physical or emotional needs before diagnosing it as misbehaviour.
I could have written this verbatim. It’s so stressful and upsetting and if you know you’re a good parent it’s nothing you’ve done.
We started a daily behaviour chart at home with a reward system and also accessed the OnPsych services that the school offers. He’s had 10 free sessions now and has really benefited from them. I’d recommend giving it a go.
School is a shit environment!
It changed my gentle sweet sensitive boy, who happens to have autism
Find a good child psychologist who can work with you on developing strategies
Also, look into the Nurtured Heart Approach, don’t ignore his Behavior as someone suggested but follow the NHA.
Give him loads of love and special time. Connect with him so he feels safe with you. I hope you’re not rushing him around after school or doing any after school care...