I feel like I’m losing my mind! I don’t know if I’m an over sensitive person or my husband has lost respect for me or even so far to say I’m starting to think my husband might just be a narcissist?
I can write a book of examples but I’m just going to write about this weekend.
Saturday: woke up feeling really sick. Like stay in bed sick but as mums we drag our asses out of bed and get sh!t done. Hubby offered to do the shopping but I had to get his Father’s Day as well as his Dad’s so I said I’d go. Got shopping done. Raced her me dropped it off and then managed to squeeze in a dr appt in the afternoon. When I got back I was exhausted and told H that I was going to lie down. To which he replied “what about lunch? I’m hungry”. Yeah I know right. So I responded that he’s just going to make his own lunch because I am going to lie down because I don’t feel wel. He had a full on tantrum. Why can’t I just do one little thing and make lunch. It won’t take long. Then he flipped the switch and said he’d just drive to the servo to get food. I told him that wasn’t happening because he was over the limit. So I was given the choice to either make lunch, drive to the servo or he drives. I couldn’t believe it. I got upset and stormed out because I got tired of pleading my case. He drove off to get his bloody food. When he came back he was happy as Larry as if nothing had happened.
Sunday (Fathers Day). I left a family function earlier because I was having a coughing fit and landed up vomiting. Eww I know. TMI. When hubby came home he came straight into the room and tried to get me to get “fresh” with him. Again had to plead my case. The compromise: me giving in because there was not middle road.
This morning: woke to the god damn bed shaking from Mr getting fresh with himself. Again asking for help. Now don’t get me wrong I’m no prude but I can hardly breathe. And surely I should be allowed to be able to rest so I can get better. Surely he can help with the household duties while I’m man down. So after he’s done what he thought was needed he started complaining about he sober get appreciated for all that he does etc. this is the retaliation I get when I don’t give him attention. Because I haven’t made a fuss over him this weekend I’m going to pay for it.
His behaviour will become more irrational the more I don’t not give in to his demands. It’s not just sexual, it’s everything! If I don’t cook this evening, because he can’t find “ironed” work clothes, he hasn’t eaten all day because he’s been busy at work and didn’t get lunch ( I work full time too). The list goes on...
I feel like my husband relies on me way too much and I’m exhausted. I’ve had this discussion with him many times. (Been together for 17, married for 9). I finally got out of him that housework and finances will never be equal. His reason: I will never make the money he makes and he isn’t emotionally equipped to do what I do. Like. What the actually fu(k.
I’m tired of the mind games of being made to feel guilty and bad for not doing as he pleases. He can be a lovely person. Don’t get me wrong. God I married the man but I am starting to feel that I deserve better. I deserve the respect that if I say no, it’s no. I deserve not to have to justify my every action. I don’t want to be teased and taunted when I do express my feelings ( not always but a lot)
Help ladies. Am I going mad?
9 Replies
I hate to say it but he sounds like an ass!
I just left a relationship where whatever happened I was always in the wrong, and I use to say sorry and give in and chase him! He was also very demanding sexually.
Sorry not much help but I would think about what do you get from the relationship! If you stop caving and saying sorry what would happen. Don’t forget who you are and your self worth.
Sorry, I did not read past the part where you said you work full time too... 😮 How does a grown man figure his wife should work full time and cater to his every need? Sorry he needs a lesson or two. Has he always had this view? I’d unapologetically stop doing anything for him. And as for the sexual pressure he is doing it because until now it has worked. You can say no anytime you like and he can go shove it... that’s terrible and just sounds like poor behaviour to me - He’s not narcissistic.
Does not sound narcissistic but a very selfish asshole. And I'm sorry to say, you have only seen how bad he is when you were sick so that kind of says to me you usually give him what he wants and baby him and he's come to expect it. I think if you're going to stay in that relationship you need to make a few changes and stop doing everything for him. You are not his Mum. And whats with masturbating in bed in front of you, I would have hit the roof.
He just sounds selfish, not narcissistic. He’s taking you for granted, he’s got away with more, little by little and this is the result. Stop appeasing him, have a serious discussion and remember we teach people how to treat us. It will probably get worst before it’s gets better, like a toddler lol but you have to put your foot down.
So hubby and I both work full time and he doesn't eat uf I don't prepare it. But that's where the similarities stop. He doesn't throw a tantrum if I don't feed him, or pressure me into sex or pester me if I'm suck. The dishes won't get done but he'll care for me and make the kids let me rest. Frankly, you do deserve better.
Close enough tho 😏
You're definitely emotionally abused. Get the fuck out of there. You deserve better
You are def in an abusive relationship.
Seek counselling for yourself, learn to believe in yourself, how to communicate effectively and set firm boundaries. I dare say this marriage will end. Take note of all the commenters talking about how their ‘ex’ was/is the same...
Take care of you. Go for a weekend away, start hanging with your most trusted friends and family. Confide in others. Do not hide this shit. It’s his shame not yours. Out the fucker!
Start your exit strategy by building yourself up and surrounding yourself with strong supportive kind people.
No wonder you are feeling terrible. I am so sorry you are living with this terrible disrespect and abuse. Badgering someone for sex, manipulating and putting emotional pressure (especially when you are sick) is sexual assault. The idea that he would expect you to make lunch for him (a grown adult) is ridiculous. He has arms and legs I take it. The idea that he would pressure you to do that by threatening to drive while drunk (risking his life, other people's, your car, his licence etc) and then actually do it, and pretend like nothing happened, is outrageous. This is really emotionally abusive. He says he doesn't believe in equality. He's not showing any signs of wanting to reflect on that or change. If it were me, I would leave. Being alone is far easier and more fulfilling than what you are having to put up with. If course is your life, stick with it and look into counselling if you want to, but don't feel bad about just saying enough to the bullshit. Pursue your own happiness darls. Sending you hugs.