Hi mums, Im just wondering if this is normal for a 3 1/2 year old girl. She tells me she doesn't like me and sometimes days she hates me everyday. She tells me not to look at her, touch her and tells me to get away from her all the time. And says I don't love you. I love my daddy. She never says I love you to me. But she will be affectionate and loving to everyone else. I'm a very gentle, affectionate and a loving mum. It's in my nature. But this is destroying me. Her dad and I separated when she was 1 and she is my only child and lives with me 70% of the time. Is this normal behaviour? š
5 Replies
Sounds like you are her safe person, the one who loves her unconditionally and gets to see her ugly side! Having said that, it doesnāt mean you should put up with it, she needs to learn to respect you. I think itās a matter of perspective, if sheās sick, tired and thereās no reasoning with her, donāt bother, but if she is deliberately mean for no apparent reason, pull her up. I guess what I am saying is pick your battles, you know her best and donāt be afraid to be firm with her.
Im inclined to think itās reasonably normal. My 4yo can be a lot like this at times and the easiest way I can give him some attention and connect with him is ārough housingā so tickling, chasing and tackling him, rolling around on the floor, piggy backs ect.
He isnāt very affectionate and often says those types of things (usually, I donāt like you anymore or I hate you all of the days) but most of the time I reply to something like that with āomg what! Thatās not very nice to say to me. You rat bag. I love you all of the days because you are my favouriteā and Iāll chase him, or tickle him or try and smother him in kisses.
I agree with the above person, youāre safe person to use these new words/feelings/expressions out on.
Going through same thing, daughter same age.
"You're not my friend/best friend"
"I don't like you"
"Don't come in my room"
"Leave me alone"
"Go away"
"Don't talk to me"
Usually delivered with a hand on hip and a foot stomp.
It's a phase. If she goes to kinder/daycare, she's probably picked it up there (competing personalities/friendships etc.)
Tell her that what she's saying is unkind and ask her how she would feel if someone said that to her. Keep telling her you love her. Chin up mamma xx
Yep... normal.
Mine grew out of it. I hope yours does too
This sounds like my daughter who is now a lot older.
When mine was 14 she wanted to live with her dad. I didn't want her to leave, I was a strict parent who didn't take any crap. A few friends and family told me to let her go as she would hate me for making her stay so I said yes. Over the next few years I didn't see her often but when I did, she was just a nasty piece of work. She has been better the last 2 years. Telling me how she has changed.
I feel she still doesn't like me much, just tolerates me because it's the right thing to do and doesn't see my side of the family at all. I believe she was told all manner of lies by her aunty over the years as she has asked me if I cheated on her dad once and little things like that, one she told me that she doesn't like to mention me in front of this aunty because she gets angry. Since knowing this, over the years I've always asked how everyone is doing including aunty, dad, grandparents other aunty and uncles & children. Every time she mentions them I ask how they are doing and we have a chat about them.
She is 21 now.
She has just told me that she is expecting.
She is angry with me because I told her I'm hurt that she doesn't ring or pop in to see my side of the family.
I hate myself for letting her go and live with him. Now I don't even want to be here anymore because myself, my family won't have a worthwhile relationship with the baby.
Please if it comes to it, never let her go, think of the future. Know that teenage girls are very difficult and some work will need to be done but you will get through it in the end and all will be well.