Father’s Day / Husband’s Priorities

Hi IM’s

What does your family do on Father’s Day?

Do you spend it as a family or is it, as I’ve been told, a day off for dad?

What about Mother’s Day?

I know some mother’s days we like to go get a manicure or a massage or something, so yes I guess it’s a day (or couple of hours) off for mum. But I also think it’s about teaching our kids to be thoughtful and making our mum or dad feel special even with just a kiss or cuddle and a card (yes we should do this every day, but even if it’s a marketing gimmick, at least it reminds us to celebrate our parents once a year!).

My partner and his dad mates have organized the day to literally just “get drunk” because mums get a break on MD, they should get one too.

This really just rubs me the wrong way though.

Personally the drinking isn’t isolated, it’s an ongoing issue in our household about how often my husband goes out and how frequently he drinks etc. I’m fairly sure he’s a functioning alcoholic, although using the word ‘functional’ is sometimes pushing it. Or he’s just a 20-year-old trapped in a thirty-something year old man’s body. Hasn’t gotten over the partying and stupidity yet.

So I think I’m frustrated that drinking is once again his main focus and priority. He can organize a whole day of this with mates but I’m flat out getting him excited about family activities or planning things in advance for the weekend. It has to involve booze or access to booze and/or mates to interest him.

Is it just me? Should he spend Father’s Day however he wants to?

My priorities have changed so much since having our daughter (3 yo), and whilst he’s a good dad for the most part (lazy.. but he does love her), and would tell you that his family is his number one priority, all I see is that drinking and partying is his priority and he fits family life somewhere in between. And it’s honestly such a turn off.

I feel like I should cut him some slack this once, let him spend the day however he wants, but I just don’t get it. There’s a lot of resentment there on my side.

I’ve not received anything on Mother’s Day since becoming a mum (other than what she brings home from daycare), and while it’s not about the gift itself, I just think it’s about taking the kids shopping or spending time together making something for the other parent, or at least having the kids hand something or SAY something (Happy Mother’s Day!)…right?

I spent time making special cards with my daughter for both her grandmas and a couple of aunties last mother’s day. But my partner did nothing. I got nothing. Nope, not even the words ‘Happy Mother’s Day’. Not a sleep in. Nothing. We have financial constraints in which he is so bad with money that I have to manage our finances completely including week to week (day to day). But where there’s a will there’s a way, and if he just put some forethought into it he could’ve figured it out.

I’m a total push over and I said nothing. Just added to the long list of disappointments I get every day from my partner. Because I just was so bewildered that he couldn’t even remember to say Happy Mother’s Day?! We even had breakfast with my parents, we gave my mum her MD card.. It’s not like I was trying to entrap him to see if he remembered! And then at night we sat down to have dinner at the table as a family (more often than not it’s in front of the tv lol), and he wanted to do a toast or a “cheers!” so I was thinking Ok this is it he’s finally going to say it, and he toasted to something like Sunday night family dinners.

A horrible part of me wanted to repay the favour and not get him anything or even wish him a happy FD. But as it draws closer I can’t do it to my daughter. But there’s no joy in it for me this year.

I get that I’ve created this beast by not speaking up either, but I guess I’m just close to boiling point after learning of his FD plans.. needed to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading.