So my partner and I just had a huge fight about him wanting to move away from where we live to somewhere else, anywhere else, and I dont. His reason for moving is so we can be more 'independent' and not living in my 'families pocket'. Ive lived here my whole life and all my family do too but I in no way live in their pocket. We go out for dinner or lunch occasionly, or have a bbq (mostly special occasions bdays etc .) and i visit my mum often.. but thats about it! None of my family ever pop in to our place so I dont know why he thinks we are not independent. He doesnt even have reason for wanting to move other then that. I dont want to change the kids schooling, i dont want to search for another job when ive only had this job for 5 months ( i was sahm for 10 years so want to keep working so i have something to put on my resume in future) and i like that my kids are growing up near their cousins. I asked him to tell me the benefits of moving and he couldnt name one! he just kept throwing it back to 'we can be our own people'? He doesnt even want to move closer to any of his family (his family live all over the place). Am i being selfish? I dont understand this need to live somewhere else when our life here is pretty close to perfect (in my eyes anyway). Should I at least consider it for his sake? He has only stayed in the this town so long because of me he said so I really dont know what to do.
hubby wants to move away i dont! Should i give it a go?
hubby wants to move away i dont! Should i give it a go?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage
8 Replies
My ex used to suggest moving ("anywhere, I don't care") every time he cheated on me, although I was clueless at the time
I think he was worried I'd run into one of his side chicks or be told by friends or something
I think until he can verbalize what the actual issue is, where he wants to move to and what/how it will benefit the family by moving then don’t take him too seriously.
But do try and take an unbiased look at how much involvement you have with your family.
I think if there were actual issues with your family or a legit reason for wanting a fresh start, then sure.
But I can’t help but feel like he is just trying to remove you from everyone so that he can have you however he wants you.
Im like him , a wanderer, but i say no. To compromise though, ask him to plan a month long trip and youll go. Or six months working somewhere extremely different, like Spain. But just let him know your roots and your kids roots are there. There are a lot of benefits to being around extended family if theyre healthy.
Before children or with young children i probably wouldnt have been satisfied without a move, but after kids you realise stability is important to them.
No. He doesn't have a valid reason for wanting to move and you have a lot of reasons for wanting to stay which are just as much for the kids as you. Tell him if he wants to move it will be without you and the kids... Explain that you aren't saying you want him to, just that you won't be leaving a stable environment with family support for an unstable situation with no family support because it's bad for you and bad for the kids.
Only you know what is right for you and the kids... just from what you have said it does not sound like you are living in your family’s pocket to me. I’d be very concerned if he can’t even explain his reasoning. I would also consider how things would go if (heaven forbid) you and he didn’t work out? You’re left separated from family and he can legally ensure you are not to move back to your support network with the kids. I wish you all the best.
You mention you've only just gone back to work after being 10 years a SAHM. Could hubby have had a lot of control and now lost it. If you move he will be the centre of your life again and be back in control. I would be VERY hesitant to move.
If this is as out of the blue as you say then i would be asking myself if there was another underlying issue here...hopefully not but its a big thing to uproot for no good reason 🤔 best of luck!