Advice please. My son has just been diagnosed with ADD. This unfortunately has been missed for a very long time, and meanwhile he’s failing majorly at school. He’s now in high school and myself and his school are doing all we can to help him. Problem being....his dad is totally against the diagnosis. He thinks anyone can see a specialist and walk out with a diagnosis even if nothing is wrong and he is totally against medication. All I want to do is help my son and see him exceeding in life. I am open to medication, as a trial for my son to see how he feels on it. Myself and his dad live in different states and I am his primary career. The specialist doesn’t get involved with parents disputes and I would like advice on what my options are with people who have been through this.
12 Replies
Just to add:Yes we have court orders and I’d like to work with my ex on this but he is very difficult and controlling.
Just give ur son the medication and see how he goes! It's in his best interest....buggar the ex, don't let him control this when his nowhere near u guys!
Do a trial of medication. At this age you only really need your sons consent.
If your ex really objects he can take you to court but he’d find it hard to find a lawyer who would recommend that. Courts won’t rule against medication.
I didn't even ask my ex for permission to give my children the meds they need. You are the primary carer when he's in your care give him the medication and when he's out of your care and in your exs care send him without the meds. As a teenager/young adult let your child make the call on his meds. Let him tell dad that they make him feel better. Let your ex know you can't just walk in and get a diagnosis. I've been fighting for my daughter for the past 3 years. Even with older brothers on the spectrum I still have to jump through hoops to get my child a diagnosis that will help her in life and school!!
Ps your ex sounds like a douche. I don't think you can work with him on this.
Trial the medication as well as looking into his diet and other aditional therapies, just so you're covering all your bases.
But yeah, I'd be telling the Ex to sod off. He doesnt have to like or agree with the diagnosis, as primary caregiver it's up to you to decide the most appropriate medical treatment.
I mean, what can he do? Take you to court for medicating your child under the advice and supervision of a pediatric specialist? I'd laugh in his face amd tell him good luck!
Do what you and your son feel is best, personally i don't think a person who doesn't live with the effects of ADD really gets to have an opinion.
How does your son feel about his diagnosis? Does this give him some closure and an explanation to why he has been feeling the way he does? Would he like to go on the medication? If so, maybe get him to have a chat to your ex in a controlled manner (via Skype with you present).
Look at stats of undiagnosed unmedicated adhd boys in jail. I work in allied health with prison release and so many get diagnosed in jail and once they're medicated they make MUCH better life decisions.
The specialist we saw stated this to us. That self medicating with drugs, alcohol is what a lot of undiagnosed adults do. Scary! Because my son is generally well mannered and hasn’t got the hyper but the inattentive it’s been going under the radar for most of his life. I work in healthcare and I only learnt about inattentive add. Not always hyper.
Thank you ladies for your responses. My son wants to give the medication a go, I’m fully supporting him. Our court orders state that we are to communicate and discuss all these matters. I’m the one who put that in place so I have to also follow it. I have now told his father... although our son wanted to wait to do a trial on the medication first... if my ex does try and cause a drama about it I will grow some balls (not back down like I used to) and fight for what our son wants. Even if that means court. I don’t want to give my ex a reason to have me breached by doing this behind his back also. He’d do something like that. He’d also try and talk our son out of this. It’s like 2 steps forward, 4 back. At the moment he’s feeling positive and I’d like to keep it that way, he is only 13 and sees that he needs this.
Youre trying to disclose as its in the agreement but he wont work with you so telling him info he otherwise would have no clue about is shooting yourself in the foot.
Discussing something with them doesn't mean getting permission from them. It means you talk to them and say " I've taken ***** to the specialists because I've been increasingly worried about his ability to learn and his progress/grades at school as they don't seem to be any better. I went through a questionnaire and his teachers at school filled it out too. We want to see if there's anything that can be the cause of this. The specialist found he meets the criteria of ADD and I want to, well am going to try him on medication to see if it can help with his focus and learning. I wanted you to know all this so you can be on board. I will send you the specialist reports etc so you can see what we are trying to do. If the medications don't help I'm going to need to hire a tutor and visit some specialists with him to see if there's any way he can get the help he needs to succeed which I'm sure you are also wanting him to do. So do you want to go halves in the therapy at $120 and hour for therapists and $50 an hour for the tutor that he'll need 2-3 times a week to see if we can help him out? The scripts will cost me about $20-$30 a month and I'm happy to cover the cost of that. Put it in a way that he's not going to argue with you about it. Also include that you've spoken to your son and he would like to trial the medication to see if it can help him as he's sick of not being able to learn and he too wants to be successful in the future in his life"
Good Luck! I hope you can help your son, all my kids need extra help in school and I do my absolute best to help them. If that means meds to help them concentrate I will do it.
You’ve discussed it with his father. Your child is struggling. He needs support. I medicated my child without her fathers knowledge. Well I think I told him, and in his mind I just want money & im making the diagnosis up. Luckily he’s also interstate, AND doesn’t actually give a shit about his kids - haven’t heard from him in over a year.
My conversation with the other parent would go like this ‘son is struggling at school, he hates it & wants to do better. This is his decision & we’ll be going forward with the trial because it is best for HIM. Your opinion doesn’t matter, my child’s health does’.
Discussing isn’t seeking permission. He’s aware. My daughter didn’t take meds while on holidays or weekends, so that can be skipped on dads time.
Gosh, tell him to actually learn what ADD & ADHD are. The stigma surrounding it really peeves me!