Hey all in this amazing community, I'm wondering if anyone has information about support for a partner of someone diagnosed with OCD.
Not talking about "I like a clean house, and my pens lined up in a row OCD" - I have a husband whose mind is constantly flooded with intrusive thoughts of a sexual nature. He is under the care of a psychiatrist, and is currently medicated while working with another therapist on exposure therapy.
He had noticed symptoms appearing 9 months ago, and it was 6 months ago it all came to ahead and resulted in seeking medical assistance. So, we haven't really been dealing with it all for that long. I have tried to be as supportive as possible. I absolutely acknowledge that this is a medical condition, so I try really hard not to take out my frustrations on him. But he has decided that he doesn't want anyone else in his life knowing about his diagnosis - including any parents, other family, or friends.
It's the nature of his intrusive thoughts that are his reasoning. It's embarrassing to both him and me, as he has thoughts constantly running through his head of me engaged in sexual acts with other people - people I have known or been involved with in the past, people I have never and would never be involved with, and people he has never even met (i.e. a name I might have mentioned of a person I work with). It was explained to us by his psychiatrist, that the Obsessive part of OCD focuses on your fears, so his biggest fear is that I will leave him for someone else. I find that I constantly need to assure him that I love him, and have no interest in anyone else. That we are married, and will stay married. That this is a medical condition.
I feel so guilty about this, but it's just getting exhausting for me. I have no one to talk to. We aren't in a financial position for me to speak with a psychologist - the fees associated with my husbands treatment and medication are bad enough. And to even try to explain it to another person - it sounds so bad. I know my husband, and I know that his behaviour is due to an illness, but I don't think a lot of people will see it like that. But I need to find an outlet. I'm starting to snap at him about little things - like sleeping late and not helping with the kids (he takes sleeping medication so struggles to get up early), not helping with house work etc. It's normal household frustration, but any perception that I'm mad at him sends him spinning.
So, after that novel of an introduction, my question is does anyone know of any support groups, or online communities for partners of OCD sufferers? I've tried some searches, but haven't come up with much at all. I need to find a way to start caring for myself, as well as him.
5 Replies
I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through this, it sounds like you are very loving and understanding of your husband's medical condition.
I'd contact your GP or local hospital and have a look if you can access social services, or get onto a mental health plan (usually 6 weeks paid by government). Hopefully this can be a start and you can get your feelings out!
Also, look into your local community centre. I know ours run programs for free regarding self help, yoga, cooking classes etc (or a gold coin donation max!).
I can understand your frustration, most people can’t handle a partner with your garden variety insecurity, they usually bolt, let alone this, this is next level. You can see why people always suggest counselling for people with insecurities because it ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy, they obsess about you leaving them and in the end it is this constant reassuring and validation they require that makes you leave them. I have no advice, but totally feel for you, it would be extremely exhausting.
Everyone has recomended a gp etc. I used to have intrusive thoughts and a couple of things helped me. The book power of now. Yoga. Meditation. Diet- lots of fresh fruits and vegetables clean proteins. Less stimulants ie coffee. Excersize. And a therapist that helped me work through my past, and also my fears and negative thoughts. Take care of yourself and make sure you are getting the support you need as well. Xx
You need to talk to someone. The best person to start with would be your gp, they may be able to recommend a local counselling service that doesn’t cost much. Otherwise you need to talk to a family member or friend. Tell your husband, perhaps in the presence of his therapist, that you need support and have to tell someone. Explain that whoever you talk to will be asked to keep it to themselves. Your thoughts and feelings are very much valid and need to be discussed with someone so you aren’t taking your frustrations out on your husband.
My dad was diagnosed with depression at the beginning of the year. My mum was left feeling as though her feelings weren’t valid. I was an outlet for her to vent but I couldn’t help with strategies to help her cope, so I pushed her to seek out her own counseling which helped her immensely. Like you, she accepted that he had a medical condition but that didn’t help with the day to day feelings she had as a result of his medical condition.
Good luck! I hope you can find someone to help you.
Follow Medical Medium. He has a free podcast on Soundcloud on OCD and other health issues