Bedroom arrangement, I’ve been with my partner for 10months(living together for 7months) he moved in with me after I found out I was pregnant, I’ve been in my house for 2years and quite happy here, but due me having a daughter as well as him and a baby boy together we need a bigger house to accomodate the kids. At the moment he’s daughter (3yrs) has a fold out bed in my spare room which I desperately wanted to set up as a baby nursery which I felt I couldn’t do that because he would think I’m excluding his daughter, and my daughters(8) room isn’t big enough to put the bed in with her when she’s here, the spare room is filled with baby stuff waiting to be set up but we aren’t doing that until we get a house which he is now telling me that won’t be for a few months or until Christmas, I need to set it up as a nursery because I have a lot of baby stuff taking up space in my room as well like the change table and he’s clothes stand, pram baby swings etc, my question is how do I go about telling him I need to set it up, I can’t have his daughter sled in there if I do because being 3 she is in to everything if you don’t keep an eye on her and we only have her with us 2 maybe 3 nights a fortnight so I feel like it’s only fair that our baby who lives here have he’s own room set up. I’m stuck in a spot and I don’t know how to approach the subject
12 Replies
my baby slept in my room for at least the first 6months. I think that’s pretty much the norm these days. The baby won’t care that they don’t have a nursery. What’s the point of setting up all that stuff if you are going to move.
Personally I found a change matt on the bed worked just as well as a change table. Baby swing can go in the loungeroom as that’s where you’d use it. Babies don’t really use there bedrooms in my experience.
Set a nursery up after you move.
If you desperately want to set up a nursery, could you replace your daughters bed with bunk beds and that way the three nights a fortnight the daughters could share?
I agree with the other poster though... newborns don't NEED a bedroom
Newborns don’t need a bedroom but a nursery is something that I think most women would like or dream of for their child. I know I certainly did and we use my son’s room a lot. By 4 months he was in his own room and we spend a lot of time in there playing, changing etc.
Of course it can all be done in the lounge, but it’s not ideal.
Could you look into bunk beds in your daughter’s room or even a trundle bed? If she’s not there all that often I don’t think it’s reasonable for her to have her own bedroom. Plus, as you say, it’s only temporary until you find another home.
My newborns have always had everything set up in the lounge room - it's just so much more convenient.
As for your partners daughter I think you need to think about her feelings a bit more. Even now you're referring to it as your spare room - doesn't sound like a place has been made for her at all and that's a little sad
Set up the baby in your room. You wont need a room for baby until theyre at least 1, just wait until you move. Or make the pretty nursery you want, babyproof it and still have the other little one sleep in there.
It has to be said, please be very careful and cautious, you have essentiallly moved a stranger into your home with your child. Even if he has been a friend for years, you don’t know what kind of partner he is. I agree with the others, don’t bother making a nursery, baby can sleep in your room until you move. You don’t show a lot of compassion for the three year old, but let’s be honest, you haven’t known her long enough to form a meaningful bond. Just be very wary, you have moved very quickly with this guy, keep your eyes and ears open, you are still in the honeymoon period, you don’t really know him yet.
Why not just ask him where he thinks you should put the change table and cot? Personally I would keep bubs in your bedroom though. It won't understand having a room to itself, but a 3 yr old away from their mum probably needs a space to herself. If your room doesn't fit a cot, get a bassinet to begin with and put a cot in the living room.
Most cots have a toddler bed option.
Set it up like that and put three year old sleeping in it. She'll think its all for her and be excited to share with baby. Youll get your nursery setup. Baby will be in with you anyway in reality.
Good option
If you have a partner that you can't actually discuss this with, about you being comfortable to accommodate HIS daughter in a welcoming way while the 2 of you have gone on to get pregnant & bring a kid into your lives together, then wow that's serious issues & you gotta work your life out!! I see great problems & selfishness & lack of 'family' cooperative vibe here :/ :/
She got pregnant after three months and they have been together only ten months, of course they have serious issues, I agree. They’re a bunch of strangers playing happy families.
I think your baby should ultimately have the bedroom. I have similar situation here. 2 kids of my own here most of the time and 2 step kids here every 2nd weekend. Only a 3 bed house. Boys are in one room and girls the other. A trundle in one room and bunks the other. Do whatever works for you, but I don't think giving a kid a room that is hardly there is the best option! Not everyone wants a baby in their room either. Talk with your partner though! Good luck!