Hi sisterhood,
I have a question. My 10 year old stepdaughter has just stayed with us for the holidays as she usually does, but this time there’s been a new thing and I’d love to hear from other mummas.
After she eats food she considers to be “unhealthy” she starts dry heaving which occasionally ends in a spew. It’s not a tummy bug because it’s very inconsistent and she can go 4-5 days without an incident. She has no fever and it’s when she eats her normal foods so not allergies or food poisoning. She can eat something and will be fine and then eat it again later that day and starts the dry heaving and crying. We thought it might be anxiety being away from home but she said it happens at home too. Her mum has never mentioned it to us.
I’m worried it is the beginning of an eating disorder as I had one during my teen years so I recognise the signs. I’m super worried because if it is I’d like to get her help ASAP and also she is so younggggg to be worrying about her body image. My husband and I are unsure how to help as we are the access parents, and her mum is very much “not a believer” in that kind of thing. We want to bring it up but she takes anything we say as criticism when it’s not, we just want our baby girl to be ok.
Any advice for how to handle this situation and/or how to raise the subject?
5 Replies
Maybe vaguely mention to her mum. Don’t tell her any assumptions but mention she’s been “sick” and vomiting/feeling like it and say how worried you are because it’s been going on the whole stay and to maybe get her to the doctor.
If she takes things as criticism, saying you think she has an eating disorder might piss her off immediately but just saying something about it might be enough to confirm her own worries (because surely if this happens at home too, she’s be concerned, possibly in denial and your mention might give her grounds to get her checked out).
Is she vomiting in the toilet and you suspect she is purging? Or she is getting nausea in front of you? Sounds more physical than early stages of an eating disorder.
Is it particularly salty or fatty foods? Does it have a common thing like dairy? (Could be lactose intolerant and too much might set her off) Does the SD talk about the foods being "bad" or "unhealthy"? Does she describe her symptoms? Could it be something like too much of a good thing?
I know you don't want to talk to her Mum but if you're worried about her you need to know of it's something she always does? She needs help, clearly!
Take her to the GP while she is with you to get checked!
Be careful to not project your own issues on a child. Does she talk negatively about her body? Is she overweight and could have been teased at school? If she has no body issues present, I would assume it is physical. My son talks about healthy and unhealthy food, they learn this stuff at school as well as us parents teaching them of course. You are her parents too, take her to the doctor.