I have recently ended a very unhappy relationship with the father of my child.
He is very selfish and childish.
I have tried ending this before, but due to him having complete control over money, my poor mental health and his relationship with my family, i was manipulated back.
He is now trying to do it again and i feel so numb and ignored, like my feelings and happiness don't even matter.
I have tried to make it as clear as i can with him but he is complete denial.
I am undergoing childhood trauma councilling currently and he is blaming that on the breakup.
How do i find the strength? I feel so guilty and selfish for choosing to walk away, but i have given him 4years (since the first breakup), to change and fix things.
Please help with words of strength.
One broken mumma
Broken and drained mumma
Broken and drained mumma
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
2 Replies
You have every right to end a relationship for what ever reason you like. Your reasons are totally valid!
Keep going with your counselling and it’s probably a good idea to ask if you can dedicate some of your counselling time to discussing strategies to fully end this relationship for once and for all. I suspect that it’s kind of tied up together anyway. Childhood trauma flows into unhealthy adult relationships.
You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for, but he will make you feel that way because of his absusive, manipulative nature. Keep reminding yourself of his unhealthy qualities. I mean if he really loved you and wanted to be in a relationship with you he wouldn’t have treated you the way he does all those years. Keep reminding yourself that he has had plenty of chances.
Do some research into the abuse cycle. It will become easier to see through how they change tactics and how when they have got you back they turn back into there nasty selves.
And keep contact with him to a minimum. If he can’t behave himself around you make sure you take a support person (who has your back) when you have to see him. Don’t answer phone calls. Ignore texts that are not about your child and business.
Firstly - mumma you are doing an amazing job! Never question that and never question what you are feeling is invalid.
I suggested this to a friend. Write down the things you want and deserve in a relationship. Every time he tries to get back in, refer to the list. Remind yourself why you are doing what you are. You deserve to be treated with the uttermost respect.
Stay strong mumma xx