I have a 3 year old daughter and she apologises for everything, things that she doesn’t need to be apologetic for. One example is she comes home from daycare dirty and says ‘I’m sorry mummy, I’m very sorry’ I explain that she doesn’t need to say sorry for that and she can play and get dirty at daycare. Everytime she apologises for something that she has no reason to be apologetic for I do explain and say she doesn’t need to be sorry. I’m worried that she’s going to grow up apologising for everything and other people’s mistakes. Am I reading too much into this at her age?
5 Replies
Not sure, mine at three was exactly the same and it grew worse. She is a perfectionist, people pleaser, worrier personality type. Sure enjoys having fun and getting messy which is a good thing, it doesnt stop her but she worries also.
I actually took her to dr because she was saying sorry about a thousand times a day. Diagnosed anxiety eventually after a very long few years.
We are doing well now. She doesnt say sorry too often now but when she does I know its when shes not coping with something.
You could rephrase it for her - Im glad you wore your old clothes today so that you could really enjoy playing and getting messy!! I can see you had so much fun. That makes me so happy.
Or sometimes I just let her know that dressing her in clothes to play in and worrying about laundry is grown up worries, shes just a kid, its never going to be a problem, you want her to play.
A few other tips - you need to be extra careful with what you say around these kids as they take it all in. So follow through, dont get upset another time shes dirty, or whinge about going through clothes.
You can also set up the expectation beforehand. 'I want you to play and have fun, wear your play clothes so it doesnt matter if they get wrecked.'
Also, you can model to her. When you come across a problem, you speak through it out loud for her to hear. This is where you can catch yourself before being negative and say, ohhh nooo, paint on my new shirt! Oh silly me for not getting changed. Well, everyone makes mistakes, I guess I can try my best to get it out and if not, then this will become a painting top. Not the biggest problem in the world!
This is my concern, that it may be hiding something deeper. Will keep an eye out. I’ll use your tips and see if it improves things, thank you!
I also have one that likes to say Rorry!! I said Rorry!! As if thats a magic word. It has no guilt in it though.
The worrier says it with full concern for the actual surrounding issues, ie) the laundry, the clothes, people being angry, them being in trouble. It is two very different things, I think you know when its just a word or when they start to be on eggshells and really having worried thoughts.
Mine just likes the phrase. Don't read too much into it at 3.
This was me as a child, I was ALWAYS apologising and could not stop.
I remember my mum would say she had so much washing to do so we had to play outside or she had to do the dishes so couldn't do X.. so I felt I needed to apologise as the way she would express things was that we were making it hard for her.
But, I grew out of it by about 6 (I know, a long time lol)