Ok so I'm a single mum and my child's father is wanting to have his son every second weekend. I would like your opinions please. The house in which he resides in has housemates who smoke weed and meth.. he says he loves his son and would never put him in danger and would ensure the house is tidy and free of implements or drugs. He is only house sharing with friends so I believe he should move out and into a place that is a safe environment for our 3.5 year old son. He thinks I'm being a bitch for flat out refusing to let my son go stay there in that house.
19 Replies
Here is what I would do.
1. Book mediation
2. In a text say ‘I would love for our son to spend more time with you, however while you live with someone who smokes weed and meth I can not allow our son to spend time at your house’.
^^^ this
Exactly what this person has advised. A house with weed and meth is not a safe environment and you have done the right thing not allowing your son to go there.
Youre right. How silly these people are. Yes book mediation. Offer for hin to go to yours if you trust him, you could go out.
Considered that option too (have him at mine) however I don't always want it to be that I have to leave my place to have some me time. If he loves his son as much as he claims he should provide a safe haven for him. I'm at a real loss here. I want our son to have consistent dad time but not while living there.
I agree. I have mine at my house. I could probably win at court but not willing to risk losing and this is the best option to get him cooperating with me. Of course theres lots of other factors to weigh up to decide if its worth it or not, whats best for my situation might not be for you.
Thanks for sharing your comment. I think this will be the only way he will get to spend time with his son until he grows up and moves out of there. I didn't think it was open for discussion it's pretty black and white huh
No way. If this wasn’t the father of the kid would you go and visit someone who lived like that let alone allow a 3.5 year old to be there?
100% no!
I wouldn’t allow it
I absolutely agree I just need to hear it from other mums because he has a way of making me feel bad even though I know it's bullshit 😕
Yeah i understand they sometimes make you even question yourself. At the end of the day, you just don’t want your child around that kind of stuff.
I would definitely get legal advice and back up though because they it’s not just your word and you looking like the bad guy.
Not my child’s father however his Aunty and Uncle smoke weed and meth in their home. They’ve asked numerous times for a sleepover with him and I’ve said yes if they come here and we’re happy to go out. I’ve explained why and I know it hurts them but it’s doing what is best for my child. he can have the house clean or tidy but knowing drug addicts they’re unpredictable and if they want a hit, they’re going to damn well have one. So I don’t think he can prevent it whilst your son is there.
Definitely book mediation and try to get written evidence. Or, could he have a sleepover with his grandparents and father?
Thank you so much for your message and sharing your story. The only option is for his dad to come here as my parents live away and so does his mum. I dont want to make his life difficult in fact standing up and fighting for my son's safety means I miss out on some me time. I am convinced I'm doing the right thing by not allowing my baby to go stay with his dad in that environment. Thanks again xx
As hard as it would be for him to have to come to you (particularly the fact you'd need to go out for some you time!) it might be the best thing right now. Just until this can be sorted. That is pending your son is wanting to see his dad and have a relationship.
You certainly are doing the right thing by not allowing him to go there, smoking weed every now and then fair enough, but if someone is feeling the need to be on meth it isn't just a quick weekend hit - they're chasing a high for a reason (addiction).
Do what you need to do unapologetically. I hate the term “I’ll keep it away from him”. Besides the fact that he can’t guaremtee that in the least - I’ve see people coming down and I have to say (if I was forced to) I’d choose to be around someone on drugs than around someone coming down especially meth. They are more volatile coming off it. You are doing the right thing. Hopefully dad will make the necessary adjustments when he realises he is missing out. Definitely go to mediation.
A definite no from me.
I used to live in a sharehouse where some of the housemates used to do drugs etc. It was NO place for a kid. One of my housemates had a 2yo that didn't come and spend any time with him at the house, But every Saturday he'd meet the mum out and pick up the kid for a day of activities. There are alternatives. Are there grandparents who could help? Another on of my friends spent every 2nd weekend at her nans with her dad because he dad had housemates.
There is no way I'd ever let my kids go to a house where there are housemates or drugs. You never know the type of people that might come in and out. Even if the housemates are good people, they might associate with people who aren't and you can't guarantee a safe environment.
I wouldn't let him go unless he comes up with another place to take your son. Maybe he could take him out for the day or spend time with him at your place. But agree with others mediation.
NO FUCKING WAY!
yes to mediation, contact relationships Australia, let someone else tell him NO! You’re not being a bitch, you’re being a good parent. Kids need more than love, they need stability, security, boundaries, protection, safety