I’m in need of some advice. I’m really struggling at the moment, our lives have been turned upside down once again, my husband is back in jail nothing too serious but he’s back there, and this time he’s left me with absolutely nothing!! And I mean nothing oh except the mountain of bills and debt wherever I go. He has a drug/ gambling problem which has cost us everything we owned cars, caravan, trailers all of his tools everything! So many lies I don’t even know where to start with that! I love him with everything I have, the kids idolise him. He knows shit has to change and he’s getting help (the only good thing about him being where he is) but I need help too my head is bursting my heart is breaking, I can’t talk to my family because it’s all negative and yes I know I should leave but I’m just not ready to give up, there is a good man there, the one I married. I just don’t know where to go, who do I contact?
I need help, who do I contact?
I need help, who do I contact?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
7 Replies
Sorry if this is blunt but you need to leave. This guy is running you into the ground and thats no example for your kids. You are raising your kids around a crimminal. He is in jail and going by your post it isnt his first time. Your kids deserve more than to have a role model thats not in and out of jail. You deserve more than to have a husband who has no regard to anyone but himself. I would see your gp and get a referral to a psychologists. I think their input at this time would be invaluable not only to help you work out what to do with bills but also to help you see that you and your kids are worth more than is.
Gambling, you have something to work with, but drug use, I’m sorry but you are completely irresponsible to have your children around him. Forget your heart, it’s not thr priority, your kids are and the fact he is in gaol means government departments are involved and you could lose your kids. Where are your loyalties, how would you feel if your kids were put in the system? What happens when a dealer comes over to your house for money owed and it’s just you and the kids there? He is endangering his kids, whether they idolise him or not, it is up to you to do what is best for them to keep them safe. Your kids are your priority, not him.
Your kids idolise a man who's in and out of prison, they idolise a man with addiction problems, they idolise a man who continually leaves their mum in this predicament, they idolise the man who is making their lives harder than it needs to be. Sorry if this comes across harsh, but do you understand how unhealthy and damaging this is to those kids??
I don't doubt that there's still some 'good man' left in him, I'm sure he's not an evil person, just a person that keeps making bad decisions. That doesn't mean there's still 'good' left in your relationship, you are going to pay a heavy price if you keep trying to salvage your marriage.
You really need to focus on rebuilding your life, he's not going to get the help he needs in prison, he wouldn't be back there if they could offer him real help (I know you know that deep down anyway).
It's not fair on the kids to keep living in this cycle, it's up to you now to instill some stability onto their lives.
I suggest you get some counselling, you've obviously been through a lot in your time and talking it through with someone objective may help you see the situation with more clarity.
Secondly, I suggest speaking with a social worker at Centrelink. They may be able to help with financial side of things, housing if you're at risk of losing your home, there's services available for spouses of prisoners and they'll generally be able to point you in the right direction going forward.
Go to a psychologist, its really not ok to have this man do this to you and your kids just because you love him. You need to talk and get yourself healthy and have someone parenting for those kids.
You need to start putting your children’s welfare first! Your kids can’t make decisions for themselves so yoh need to. What are you going to tell your kids when you are homeless because if there dad?
Speak to Centrelink about seeing a financial counsellor to help you sort out the financial mess. The salvos also offer this service.
Speak to your GP about a referral to a social worker/counsellor/psychologist. Start making a plan to live on your own with your children. Protect your children.
They can still idiolise there dad, just they get to do it with a roof over there heads and food in there bellies. You can still love there dad while protecting your children and financial future.
I'm going to go against the grain and say it can get better. Partner went in 3 times from the age of 18. Once while together. Was on everything under the sun when we met. 3 years clean, full-time at the most respected business where we live and buying. Our first home I was lucky enough my oldest was only a month old when he went in but I've had to leave before more than once. I never thought it would get to this point but sometimes things are worth the wait
Can I offer another point of view on separating ... not for you but for him . People with addiction issues NEED to hit a rock bottom to have the motivation to change . If jail didn’t work the first time then it might not this time . He needs more . Maybe take a tough love approach , tell him your going to get yours and your kids life straightneed out and IF and WHEN he gets his shot together THEN you can get counseling together to sort out the trust issues and how to manage as a family again .... talk to a drug/gambling service about getting support as the partner there are services out there but they will differ depending on where you are situated ... talk talk talk about all that is heppening and work through your own emotions ,
As for finances definitely talk to all the places u owe , exPlain and see if they can assist , maybe talk to a financial adviser about a section 9 (I think that’s what it’s called ) which allows you to pay back part of your debts and wipes part but there’s a catch you can’t apply for credit or loans for a certain amount of time ... I believe it’s the step before full bankruptsy ...
honey ultimately your kids are seeing someone completely disrespect their Mum and them by taking all of your belongings and leaving a mountain of debt and stress ... they need to learn how to NOT let other people do the same to them ! They need your example to be different and really so does he .
He needs to see that his actions not only affect himself and get him locked up but it rocks all of your worlds and that you can get it together with him not around and IF He wants to be part of that he needs to pick up his act stat !!! At the moment he knows you won’t leave he knows he still has you . What motivation does he have to change ? Just food for thought