So at the risk of sounding like a bitch
I’m on immune suppression drugs. I have to be careful not to catch anything as I can get very sick really fast.
I wear a mask on the bus and wet wipe everything.
My entire family knows this and knows if your sick please stay away. I live with my in laws and they have told all my partners siblings if your sick stay away. Yet every single week one of the brother turns up with his kids who are coughing, have tummy bugs, colds and flu or one time even chicken pox.
I’m literally stuck in my partners and my room while they are here.
I’ve explained so many times bout how I can sick and such but the brothers gf says I’m over reacting and keeps bringing the kids over :(
Am I over reacting? I know it’s not the kids fault they are sick but I can’t go into the living room to get past them to go out without them hugging me :( I’m not sure what else I can do to get the brothers gf to see that I can’t risk getting sick
19 Replies
Dont doubt yourself, shes being ignorant and self centred. Seriously who would tell someone theyre wrong about their own medical condition.
However, resolving it will come down to your inlaws as its their house. Remembering also its they want to have their grandchildren be able to visit them.
If you cant find a way to be in your room or outside while they visit,
sit and talk to them about it and see what they come up with.
God no you're not overreacting!
As a person with a normal functioning immune system, I'd be furious and would not tolerate it! No-one wants gastro, chicken pox or viruses bought into their homes!
Your sister in law is being an inconsiderate asshole, the fact she knows you're immunocompromised, has been asked numerous times to stay away if they're unwell and still sees no issue is seriously disrespectful!
I think though, the best solution will be to move out!
Your in-laws obviously understand but it sounds like they're unwilling to enforce it. Your sister in law is unlikely to start showing any respect for you.
I know it's not always that easy to up and leave but there are always alternatives, it's really not worth risking your health at this point.
We can’t afford to move out as I lost my job when I got sick :(
My in laws try to help but they just turn up with the kids and don’t tell anyone they’re coming
Maybe when they come over, your mother in law takes the tea/coffee /snacks outside? If you're on this medication short term, telling them not to come over would be fine. But if it's long term, kids are constantly sick and still need a relationship with their grandparents so you'll need to find a solution that works for everyone. FYI, I'm not dismissing your concerns... Just thinking of ways you can find a solution without causing world war 3 with your sister in law
I’m actually on this medicine for life....
The kids aren’t constantly sick just a lot. And to be honest I wouldn’t be taking my kids out if they had chicken pox or gastro.
I get that your not dismissing my concerns. But long time solution would be to sit in my room away from everyone and not be able to even leave the house if the kids are sick so not really fun...
Different commenter.....if it isn’t that often, then it shouldn’t be too much of a problem for you. Look, I feel it is really good of your inlaws to help you out, so the last thing I would be doing is placing demands/conditions around when their grandkids can visit. I think you need to be flexible too.
We are flexible
Considering we pay them rent buy the food for the household and do house work.
My sister in law and my brother in law ban me from going to their house if I’m feeling sick or tired that’s part of my illness feeling run down and tired. But they see no issue with bring chicken pox. Gastro and the flu over here
Paying rent and buying food isnt about flexibility. If they're not constantly sick then staying in another room while they visit on the chance they are or going for a drive would be flexible. You need to look out for your health but also not restrict their lives unreasonably and it sounds as though in general people are quite supportive of you. You might find it easier being in your own home though. If you're paying rent to your in laws, just pay rent to a landlord. Unfortunately, being a lifelong situation, you won't be able to eliminate risk... Just reduce it where you can. Maybe wear your mask and wash your hands more frequently when they visit, the same as you would when you leave the house and encounter people with illnesses.
Geez, I don't really see how expecting them to refrain from visiting while they have gastro or chicken pox is being inflexible or demanding!
I think there's only 2 options though.
You either ask your in-laws to take a more hardline approach to this (I mean you're paying your way - it's your home too).
Or you look at alternative living arrangements.
Did any of you even read this?
The Op doesn't have a problem with the grandchildren visiting. She has a problem with them visiting while they have some sort of sickness.
Op I would have issues with this as well and I am not in as much danger if I catch these sicknesses like you do.
Maybe you could take you BIL and SIL to your next Drs appointment and your Dr can explain how severe it would be for you to catch any of these diseases.
I am sorry you are in this situation. I hope it improves for you
To be honest the kids should be covering their mouths and washing their hands. Their mother should be making sure they do it
And going to someone’s house when sick is just so rude. Keep your kids at home if they are sick. My guess is lazy parenting
I’d hate to have to sit in my room all day while the rest of the family has fun. You miss out and then the rest of the family sees you as being nasty. Talk to your sister in law again. As they banned you from their house when your sick maybe just turn up when your sick and say well you do it to me
I get your concern about the gastro and chicken pox there's no way they should be taking them anywhere when they have gastro all those other poor kids that there infecting makes me shiver. But cold and flus are common and kids are always sick. If you're that sick and it's a permanent condition your other half can always claim a Carers allowance and pension or you can claim a disability allowance. You can't live with your in laws forever and if on a pension you can also claim rent assistance too. Living out of their home seems like your best option. I used to live out of home whilst only getting $150 a fortnight from centre link and I didn't have a job for a while either so whilst I hear you I don't necessarily think living in their home is what's best for you. Maybe wear your mask and clean your hands when the kids are around you're not expected to stay in your room forever and the kids won't always be there. I do think it's a bit much to expect your in-laws to see their grandchildren only when they're well because kids like I said are always sick or carrying some sort of germs especially in big communities. Keep glen 20 cans in your room so that when you walk out you can spray everything as you go.
Disability pension is nearly impossible to get and it’s means tested so depending on OPs partners wage they might not get it and also people with terminal cancer don’t get the pension
To be honest the parents of the kids should at least be making their kids cover their mouths and wash their hands
I know how hard it was for me to get the Carers allowance for my son, I didn't suggest it lightly. They need their own space, it's definitely not the kids faults that mum n dad take them to grandmas, if she wears her mask whilst they're around and keeps sanitising her hands and spraying glen 20 around her partners family might see how serious she is and stop coming over sick. Either way they can not live with their in laws forever and will eventually have to find alternative arrangements.
If the partner earns too much they can afford to rent. And some of your other information is wrong. If you know someone who's cancer has progressed to being terminal (stage 4 distant metastases) encourage them to reapply.
Just because the partner earns too much doesn’t mean they can afford rent
They might have medical bills to pay for, and other expenses
Sorry but if I wanted to visit my mum, I would even if the kids are sick. My kids are twice her kids and she is very loving, nurturing and caring. She makes us food and looks after us. She is my mum and an important part of my and my kids life. You live there and are lucky to be able to stay there. You need to show some flexibility and consideration. You are asking for her children and grandchildren to refrain from visiting because you have an illness. Find ways that you don't have to stay in the room, such as wearing a mask (like you do on the bus) and in the occasion that they are too sick, remember you're staying at someone else's house and cant make rules for someone else's house. If you want to make rules on who visits, and when, then look into private accomodation. If finance is an issue, speak to centrelink.
Not everyone can get Centrelink 🙄🙄🙄🙄 I don’t understand people who go oh just go to Centrelink
Maybe there’s a reason they live there? Maybe it’s for the partners job? Or they hit some really hard times?
Wow! This comment is disgusting. She should be able to feel safe in the house she lives in. THE WHOLE HOUSE, not just her room. And Centrelink is not always an option.
OP is fine with them visiting just not when they are sick. Which I fully understand. OP getting just a cold could mean hospitalisation or death for her.
If OP and partner are contributing to household expenses then they definitely deserve to have a say in the house rules.
OP could your Inlaws maybe plan to visit their grandchildren more at their houses or go to a park or play centre more often so they aren't coming to your house