This one is long and complicated, but I am basically looking to see if I am alone in this big dark boat by myself...
So I'll try to keep it as short as I can...
For various reasons, my 2 kids (10&5) live with their father, we have court orders that state the kids live with their dad majority of the time and see me every second Sunday between 10am - 4pm...
2 weekends ago should have been my Sunday with the kids, however because I refused to do exactly what my ex was trying to dictate that I had to do whilst I had the kids, he never showed up with them, he also hasn't let me speak to them on the phone at all since then either... So is in quite severe breach of the orders...
He doesn't care what it takes so long as he can maintain control in some way shape or form despite not being in my life for well over 3 years now.... The mental toll all this has taken on me, including going through court is huge and I can only imagine how much of a toll it would be taking on the kids, so much so that I'm starting to feel like it will never end, no amount of court battles will stop the fighting they are stuck in the middle of and perhaps it would be easier for me to step back and let them get on with a life without me in it (as much as it would kill me to do so) , I know they have other female figures in their life and I feel like it would just take away all the uncertainty and fighting and negativity that goes on in their lives at the moment...
Not only that, but financially and mentally I can't handle another court case
Has anyone else ever been in this situation?
Kids live with their father....
Kids live with their father....
Posted in:
Kids
9 Replies
You get one day a fortnight that is very minimal... is there a reason why he is supervising and dictating what you do? This seems odd. Usually courts will say that parents are not to interfere with what happens at the others house - in fact they usually put a part in it about even questioning a child about what happens at the other parents house.
Have you tried not fighting with him, agreeing to everything he says for the sake of getting to see the kids? You get more flies with honey and all that. You say the kids are in the middle with the constant battles, like you have no control over it, but he can’t battle with himself, what if you stop engaging in the battle, lay down your guns so to speak? What if you accept he has all the power, tough pill to swallow I know and be agreeable and never challenge the status quo? I guess you have a choice, walk away from your kids, or kow tow to this jerk and make him feel the powerful man he wants to be? It’ll make your skin crawl but ask yourself, what is more important,challenging this dickhead and being right or having precious time with your kids? Remember, it won’t always be like this, they will grow up with free will to spend time with who they want. Even throw a few compliments his way, about what a great job he’s doing and you might even get more time 😀
Wow why would you even suggest she do this.
It is wrong, I have a very good friend that is going through the same thing and she tried this and it made things worse.
The father now as the kids scared to speak their true feelings about anything. And disrespectful to their mother.
It may have made things worse in your friends situation and it may or may not work for this lady, but surely it is worth a shot over walking away? She’s talking about never seeing her kids. Maybe she has tried it and it failed, but if not, it’s certainly worth a go and it won’t cost thousand of dollars in court fees.
If your child needed a kidney, would you give them yours? Everyone says yes, of course!
If your child needs you to be agreeable with their father so you can see them? Hmmmmm
You do what it takes to see your kids, do you hate him more than you love them?
It was just a suggestion.
I went through similar only my son was a teenager. Everything had to be exactly how my ex wanted it. I had to do all the picking up and dropping off, we have 3 other kids who were in my care who he didn't give a shit about just the eldest who he used as pawn to keep controlling me and abusing me. He is now 19 and is still completely controlled he can't get his licence or go out with friends. I hardly ever get to see him. He has successfully been turned against me. Your kids are only young and honestly if there are no real reasons for him to be like this then please give it everything you have. Don't back down now and don't give in to his power trips. You did the right thing by not doing what he wants. The more breaches from him the better. Just make sure you keep ringing at scheduled times so you have a record of it and keep showing up to have them with some record of that too even if you know you wont see them. Good luck and keep going. Heart breaking situation to be in x
For the Sake of a few hours every fortnight, you could do whatever he wanted. It's being with them, forming that bond, showing that interest and being that special person, that's all you need to do for them.
Do not step out, so what if they have other people they only have one more and they will always need you, no matter how small the time with them is, start using it wisely to build and reinforce bonds.
I would just agree then do whatever I wanted anyway. My ex husband is the same. It’s jot worth losing all contact with your kids over. You may not think it but they do need you in their life
I feel there is more to this story, where the kids supposed to go to a party or a school commitment? Or another event? That is different. Also 6 hours a fortnight kinda says there is something going on this is not the normal visitation for the non custodial parent. Hard to say if he is in the wrong or weather he has just had enough of being jerked around and you want people in your corner.
If he is just being controlling keep the peace why would you check out on your kids? Like being abandoned is going to help them in anyway. Maybe do what he wants and then build trust and hopefully a better working relationship for all of you.
I've been through a similar situation and chose to back away. I had to decide whether it was better for the children to ask questions later in life or have a dead mother and no answers.
It was not easy and I don't think I'll ever know if I did the right thing. All I knew was I couldn't be a good mother at the time and had no support to even so much as maintain contact with them.
Just think long and hard about your decision.