Has anyone ever ended a relationship because you get next to no help around the house?
Been in a relationship for around 5 years.
Have an 8 year old, 3 and 2 year old.
I basically spend hours a day cleaning and attempting to make things easier around the house just for it to turn back to shit.
He legit just does not clean up after himself.
Can’t even put a dish in the sink, put his rubbish in the bin, nothing. My yards currently look so disgusting, rubbish everywhere, all his bits and pieces all over it. I’ve been asking him for 2 months to clean it up. I’m struggling to find the time to sort it out because I’m constantly doing things in this house because no one cleans up after themselves. My 8 year old is kind of starting to get it now only because I’ve been so repetitive.
I’m not wanting it to look immaculate, I get mess can happen and especially with kids.
What I’m saying is if I stop, it looks like a dump.
I’ve spoken to him about it but all I get is
‘I’ll try more’ just to get me off his back. He doesn’t care how this is making me feel and he basically just sits there til I finish cracking the shits about it and it’s not spoken about again.
He doesn’t do dishes, washing, rarely cooks.
Maybe if HE is hungry he might.
Really nothing at all. He’s recently got a job but it’s only shifts here or there. He was unemployed for a few years and was exactly the same really
I feel like I’m losing it and very unappreciated and used. I’ve said this also and there been no change.
Good enough reason to end a relationship?
Good enough reason to end a relationship?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
6 Replies
Yep. Shape up or ship out Mate.
I would start putting things in place and if he can’t step up to it, tell him to go.
I’d start by leaving notes before I leave for work (which I still sometimes do) and especially if you know he will be home all day. Start small, like put a load of washing on, hang load out, take bins out and put the dishes away.
Then eventually make it more things.
Honestly if he can’t help out a bit like that, then what’s the point. You’ve basically got yourself a giant kid and that’s not attractive at all
If putting a load of washing on - something simple. Towels, sheets, or his own clothes. Things that he can't easily ruin (I'm still mourning the manslaughter of a dry clean only dress thanks to husband's attempt to help out!)
Ask him to do a specific task(s) and give him a deadline. If/when he doesn't do it, remind him he made a commitment to you to do whatever it is and he is disrespecting you by not completing it.
You could write him a list but except that he'll never do anything unless it's on the list.
Unfortunately, some people live with blinders on and need to be hand held which be more work for you to get him operating the way you need him to.
He's a giant man child but hopefully he steps up. Good luck x
Yep part of the reason my mother booted my father to the curb. My mother did everything (we had jobs to do but in hindsight bugger all). My mum worked full time, raised us kids looked after the yard (5 acres)cooked cleaned and also didnodd jobs for other families like house clean or do ironing. My father didnt do shit. I remember him just watching sport all weekend.
You are in a partnership. You are not his mother or his slave/ servant.
Yes and also know someone who has.
So he’s always been a lazy slob, you’re just now getting sick of it? This unchanged, will be the end of your marriage. Seek our marriage counseling sooner rather than later, then atleast you’ll know you tried everything
It would be a deal breaker for me, you are not a slave and if he does have full time employment then he has no excuse. Tell him you are at a cross road, if he is still casual about it ask him to leave. If he cares he will be upset that he has made you feel that way and if he really cares and is invested in you and the relationship use this time to write a roster, with deadlines and schedules of when things have to be done. He will probably get things wrong but be calm and don’t freak out, men are like dogs need to be told when they are doing good to keep going . Either way you have been honest and true to the relationship and your self but don’t stay to be his keeper