I've been married for 14 years, relationship is stable, and have children, in the last couple of days we have had a miscarriage, obviously upsetting, but when I told my Mum, she said oh I don't know, you will bring these things upon yourself!! Is this a normal comment to make in others opinions? We have been trying to conceive our last child for nearly 2 years now.
8 Replies
Not normal I don't think, it's a pretty horrible thing to say. Where was she coming from though? Does she think you're too busy and never take it easy or stress out? Are you older? Doesn't take from her insensitivity but maybe she was saying it in that kind of way. Like when an active kid has an injury and it's a bit like 'Well not surprised this happened..' Sorry for your loss, I have had 4 miscarriages and some people just say some really stupid stuff without thinking first.
We are always busy, such is life in this day and age! No more stress than usual. I'm 39, but active, fit, and healthy. This is my 4th miscarriage over the years also. I'm not sure where she is coming from, perhaps it's just one of those situations where if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all, she should know that I guess 😔
Maybe from the outside looking in she thinks it's too much? Absolutely agree, nothing nice to say don't say it at all. Did you confront her when she said this?
She probably thinks after four miscarriages and your age, why keep putting yourself through it. It’s a very black and white comment on a very emotional and complex issue, yes, Its extremely insensitive.
Not normal, I don't understand how someone could lack empathy to this extent, what a thing to say!
Hun, in no way did you bring this on yourself. No one really knows why it happens so please don't blame yourself.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Your mum was insensitive.
Just as a little bit of insight. It’s hard for a mum to see your children in pain. I think in her mind she is wishing you’d stop trying for a baby because she THINKS (wrongly) that you would be in less pain that way. Mums don’t want there kids in pain.
Of course you shouldn’t stop trying.
Maybe she just wants to see you stop going through this time after time? Miscarriage in geriatric pregnancy is more likely... Particularly with a history of miscarriages. Maybe focus less on how the comment can be perceived and more on the motivation behind it. Is she usually a bit he? Ignore her. Is she a loving mum? Realise it hurts her to see you hurting and in her own pain, she worded things poorly. Be kind to her and yourself. Anger won't help you heal xx
Thank you for your responses, you all have valid points that I have taken on, much appreciated. Here's hoping for a beautiful healthy bundle in our arms in the near future.