This is not so much a question, it’s more to see if I’m on the right track?
Growing up my family were not open about sex and puberty, especially for us girls. My first memories of anything to do with my vagina involve my mother telling me...... don’t touch it, it’s dirty. Periods were explained in a vague way, and when I got mine I was extremely confused.
I was not allowed to use tampons, as this would apparently lead to me no longer being a virgin (just typing that makes me cringe)!
So now I have a daughter of my own and I try to be very open with her. She’s in grade 6, is 11 and has started the journey of puberty.
Last night while doing her hair, the topic of periods was raised. I went through the explanation again of what a period is and when she might get hers. I also told her that now is probably a good time to get to know her vagina, to look at it, find all the parts. I talked about labia, the clitoris and vaginal opening etc. I explained that this would make life easier when she gets her period and that her vagina is just another part of her body. Just like her nose, which I’m sure she’s explored previously, lmao!
But here’s the thing, the whole time I was having this conversation, I really struggled. I felt a bit icky, and I never felt this way when having similar talks with my older sons, which is so stupid! Her vagina is no different to their penises, it’s part of HER body and is HERS to do with as she wishes. But the old lessons of childhood are so hard to push past.
So I spoke to my husband about the conversation and I could see immediately that he thought it was inappropriate of me to tell her to start to explore that area of her body.
I explained to him that I felt it was important, because I want her to be comfortable. These changes are occurring whether we want them or not and I want her to be able to be confident when her period comes along. I want her to know that she has a urethra and vagina (something I didn’t know myself), how else will she know where to put a tampon if she chooses to use them! She’s a very active girl and I know that pads will quickly cramp her style when it comes to sports etc.
Does anyone else struggle to move past the lessons from their childhood? I am determined to equip her with knowledge that was denied to me, but I am struggling and hubby not agreeing kind of makes it harder.
7 Replies
I think it’s only natural to be squeamish if you were taught to be squeamish!
It sounds like you did a good job but still continue to have these chats with her. Your husbands reaction is ok for him to feel that way I think no father wants to talk about their daughters vagina but someone has to lol
just keep it girl talk and ask her if she has any questions also letting her know she can leave notes if she feels uncomfortable doing it in person. You’re doing a good job
My mum never discussed anything with me in terms of the how's and they why's. I learnt every thing I needed to know from school growing up programs!
She also had a way of making me feel embarrassed about puberty, made fun of my developing body too often. The one time that sticks in my mind - I was about 11, we were all watching TV and my mum says to my little brother "look, she's growing boobies" and they both laughed and laughed.
I got my period just before my 13th birthday, I felt so ashamed I didn't tell her. I used wadded up toilet paper for days because she also didn't have the foresight to by me any feminine products to have handy.
Sorry, I'm rambling on a bit lol but I get where you're coming from, I have 2 daughters who are fast approaching this stage and it makes me nervous. I don't talk to my friends about these things, I don't even like talking to my doctor about my periods, how silly is that?
Just writing about it now is making me uncomfortable too.
I hope I can be as cool and collected about it as you seem to be, you're doing such a good thing for your daughter by being so upfront and informative about it, even though it makes you feel weird. She's a lucky girl.
Keep up the good work!!
I feel like your childhood experience was very similar to mine! Thank you for making me feel less strange and like I’m doing the right thing!
My daughter is 9 this year and I've already told her about periods and made her up a period pack with pads and undies. I got her a little wallet made up she can take to school in case it happens there. She knows the ins and outs and I remind her every few months as a refresher. I got my period just before I turned 10.
My mum wasn't overly open, I got the bare minimum facts and that was it.
For my daughter's tenth birthday I got her the book 'girls stuff' by Kaz Cook? We are reading through it together while I cook dinner most evenings (that means we are also doing the home reading thing for school, two birds with one stone!)
She's asking open honest questions I'd never thought to ask my mum, and I must admit it's a little funny for me when I give her an honest answer she doesn't expect (she was really weirded out by the fact that her dad and I enjoy sex on a regular basis, poor kid!) But I think it's a good dialogue to have at a young age (we've taught all our kids from day dot the correct terms for their anatomy) and continue in greater depth as they mature in an open and honest manner.
It sounds like you're doing a great job in teaching your kids about their bodies and how they work. And also a great job teaching them that they never need to be ashamed of their own skin. When you have learnt something wrong, it's really hard to relearn later in life as you have noticed yourself. Big hugs.
In regards to your husbands reaction, does he have an issue with the older boys exploring their bodies? Does he have an issue with you touching yourself intimately during sex? He may not feel comfortable with the idea of his little girl growing up, but he needs to understand that girls have just as much right as boys to intimately explore their bodies. Continue to reinforce with your husband that it is no different to the boys exploring their bodies. For your daughter, encourage her to do any exploring in her bedroom or the bathroom as mum/dad/ big brothers don’t want to see it, but one day when she’s older she will want to share that exploring with a partner and that is fine too.
Good on you for pushing your boundaries so that your daughter has the information she needs that you didn’t get.