I dont really have a question but I need to vent....
So today I lost my shit, and I screamed and cried and I told my kids I didn't want them anymore, that I was done.
My partner is a farm worker and its sowing season so for the past 3 months ive basically been a single mum only seeing him for 5 minutes at 3am before its sleep for him and his gone before we wake.
The kids facetime him every night and we communicate every day and all has been not so bad until I had to take the boys 5 & 3 to the supermaket which is an hour away today to do a big shop.
They fought the whole drive, we arrive and it started straight away.
They ran a fucking muck, running around the shop, into people. Laying on the floor in the isles, sliding around on there backs. Pulling everything the could off the shelves, play fighting and pushing eachother over.
I tried so hard to stop them, begging them to listen and whilst trying to quickly do my groceries just to get the hell out of there so i could cry. They were even climbing the register!!!
5yr old said "where is my chocolate egg" i explained to him his behaviour didnt warrent a treat as he would usually get for being decently behaved. Then he started yelling at me at the register how i was a bad naughty mummy and that he hated me.
I quickly paid and got the hell out of the supermaket to have to physically hold mr 3 down to do up his carseat straps.
I just broke i have never been so humiliated in my life and that is when i screamed at them and i cried and said i didnt want them anymore and i was done.
The whole way home mr 5 made me feel so horrible telling me his room is still clean and that he would try harder to be a good boy.
I hate myself today
And i wish my partner could be home to cuddle me
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
11 Replies
Aww hun, it happens to a lot of us! I am a single mum and my kids just break me some days. It is hard. I even completely broke once and said I wanted to die and one of my kids heard me and she said "No mummy I don't want you to die" and hugged me. I felt awful. Our kids love us and they need us. But we're only human and we all break down sometimes xx
The hardest thing for me though is I have no one to cuddle when I'm feeling down :(
I’m a single mum with a child with some disabilities. The specialist appointments, fitting them around work, operations, the ups when things work, the downs when things don’t, just when I thought we were getting everything sorted, we find out about a new problem. Most of the time I stay upbeat, but every now and then it breaks me too. Seeing him suffer is the worst, I wish it was me. We all have our breaking points, don’t feel bad, motherhood can be a tough gig.
If it makes you feel any better - every mum in the history of parenting has had everything go to shit in public at one point or another. It happens!
I actually think there's a positive to your kids seeing you lose it, it can make them step back and realize Mum has a limit!
Apologise to each other and have a snuggle, tomorrow is a new day!
Spot on
Sounds like a really hard day for you :( next time at the shops how about giving each kid a basket and a shopping list, at least something from each aisle and get them to interact and look for each item. Make it a bit of a game and leave the chocolate aisle until last where they can pick a treat out themselves for helping.
I think you really need to sit your kids down and apologise for the way you spoke to them though. Don’t let them think that speaking to anyone that way is normal or appropriate (obviously you know it isn’t right to). Be honest with them that you miss daddy and you just had a bad day and when they didn’t listen it made you mad.
I feel you, I'm a farmers wife (sort of) ATM he's hardly home and he's busy with seeding. Seeding/spraying fixing the seeder, fixing the sprayer, moving the sheep 🙄 We don't have any staff so he's pretty busy. Do your kids go to school? Or your oldest go to school? Is there a mothers group out where you are? Other farmers wives/worker wives etc can you do shopping on a school day put your little one into day care and go shopping by yourself you may be able to receive the child care rebate is have a look on the CL website and check it out for yourself so you can go shopping on your own?
Sending you some virtual hugs my kids and shopping don't mix so I'll ever only take the baby with me if I can help it. Even then sometimes it can be dicey.
But please don't ever think of yourself as a single mother you're not a single mother. You have a partner and right now he's working his arse off for a wage but it's going to get easier especially when seeding is over. Single mothers don't have a it's going to get easier when seeding/harvest is over. Single mothers definitely don't always have another parent to rely on to make it better. Ive been a single mother and I much prefer being a farmers wife. I'm not trying to belittle you in any way, I'm just giving you the differences between a single mum and a farmers wife. Harvest and Seeding are pretty brutal times of the year and being a farmers/farm workers wife is never any fun unless you have no kids and you can go and sit on the seeder with him. Which is what I used to do. Now I'm at home with our adorable baby and I love it. But it is hard and sometimes I loose my shit at the bigger kids and I regret it. We all say crappy things when we're angry but we can always try and be better next time. If you have access to a double trolley use it! My 9 year old is tall and skinny and still fits in one and I'll make him sit if he's being terrible. And when we leave the shop I'm usually in the worst mood and want to kill someone but I never do. Chin up mum, you did awesome to hold it together so well for so long. Remember to reach out to your farming community join the rec, go to community events and build a support group for yourself. Sometimes a group is clique but you can make friends with the right ones!
Kelly here - from The Imperfect Mum team.
I don't normally do this, but was scheduing your question and felt you needed love ASAP.
Posted it just now (https://www.facebook.com/Theimperfectmum/posts/2038357026230917) and hope the mums on here and on Facebook will comfort you. Tomorrows a new day!
Big hugs! xKelly
BIG HUGS!!
It happens to all of us. I also say things to my toddler I don’t mean or yell at him. The other week he did nothing wrong and I yelled. Never felt so bad when he went to bed saying ‘sorry mummy’ and he just kept repeating it.
I also went to bed crying That night. They don’t understand....
But we all go through it. Days and nights can be tough and get the better of us.
Just remember your kids will always love you!!
We’ve all lost our shit at some point, we are only human and sometimes we do reach breaking point.
You are in the trenches at the moment and it’s hard, especially when you’re doing it on your own right now.
Hug your kids, say sorry, assure them you love them and explain there are limits. It will be ok, things will get better x.
We're all humans. We've all done this.
Cut yourself a break mumma. Check and see if the supermarket near you does click and collect. Do the groceries online then simply pick it up the following day. If it's coles they bring it out to your car. You won't even have to get the kids out!!
It's saved my life on numerous occasions and I save money because I'm going from my list. Not rushing to get the he'll out of there.
We’ve all been broken by our kids at least once. They don’t understand what they’re doing when they push every bloody button and then some you didn’t even know you had. It makes you feel like shit when you realise how you behaved and just adds another decent top up of guilt to our stash. But here’s the thing. You’re not alone. This parenting lark is so rewarding but also so bloody hard.
Try not to beat yourself up too much. It won’t be the last time you snap as you’re just a human trying to do the best you can. Sit them down later and apologise but also explain the way they made you feel. Then do something fun together, even if it’s just something simple like a movie night in your bed where you can all snuggle. xx