Not for Facebook please.
I’ve been invited to a hens party and I was was so excited to go. I live away from where the hen lives so a motel and travel costs were always expected. the date and details were followed with the cost of just over a $100 but didn’t include dinner or drinks for part of the day, I budgeted it booked a motel and was excited to go but not even a week later some of the details changed and then the cost went up to over $200 still not including dinner and some drinks ( dinner is booked at a cost of $80 set menu plus drinks) I just don’t think I can afford it and think it’s a bit excessive for a hens. I don’t know if I can justify spending close to $800 for one day( that’s everything motel, petrol, dinner etc) I feel bad saying I can’t go especially to the hen who has no idea what has been planned or the cost. Is this the norm these days to go so over the top???
8 Replies
There is no norm, but if youre not there it seems the girls who are organising are up for a big budget.
What are they doing thats 200 on top of dinner and drinks? I think its just up to you if you go or not, it was always going to be a big spend for you, you have rlto draw the line somewhere.
Easy enough not to go just blame significant other/kids/double booked date etc she wont know what you're really doing at that time
That's excessive. I would say thank you for the invitation but with the planned costs on top of travel costs it would put you in financial hardship. Ask whether you can stay with someone or politely decline. But if you can't go, send flowers and a bottle of champagne for the bride at the predrinks saying wish you could be there if you're worried about catty girls
It seems to be the norm in this day and age, but personally I find it’s excessive. Personally there is no way I could afford to be involved in a hens that cost that much + travel and would decline the invite.
I would decline. Even if I could afford it and they were a really close friend - this is excessive. You still have the wedding costs to get through and someone else’s special day should not be such a financial strain for guests.
I am close with my brothers fiancé. The fiancé’s best friend has started organising a weekend away (3 nights) and already it’s looking like a $1000+ weekend including accommodation and me taking into consideration for food and drinks.... I’m already thinking of pulling out as it is only a small hens (8 people) of her family and her close friends and not people I am that close with. I can’t justify spending that kind of money at any point in time for a weekend which I will have to take 2 days off work as well!!
I think people need to be realistic when organising this kind of event and realise that people have budgets and don’t have endless amounts of money to spend on things like this, especially when it was originally one price, you can’t then change it last minute! It’s so inconsiderate!
It is excessive, I think it's the trend to have these expensive, grand celebrations for momentous occasions nowadays though (it's particularly prevalent with hens nights and baby showers I've noticed). Whatever happened to hitting the town with your girls and paying for your food and drinks as you need them?
I would decline too, I wouldn't want to but I don't have that kind of money to spend, not many people would honestly.
I'd just be honest and tell her that funds are tight and you can't afford the travel expenses at the moment but you hope she has a wonderful time, a little goodie basket is a nice touch too!
The last 3 hens parties I've been invited to I've had to decline 2 of them due to the fact they would have cost a few hundred dollars. I went to a third as it was just in a cafe and barely cost anything.
There's no norm, it's just individual choices. My hens day costed $180 with some alcohol and food (wine tastings) and I paid for any extra bottles of wine to share with everyone on the day. We then also had an evening event for $80 which was all alcohol included, but no food. We only offered accommodation to a select few as it wasn't that far of a distance for everyone to travel and it was $50 per person. I organised a bus service to take everyone to/from the events so that no one had to pay travel expenses (they just had to get to certain points for pick up). We did have interstate guests and we had them staying in our house with us :)
But there were people who just could not afford it, and we accommodated for them by helping to pay their way which they certainly didn't expect. I just did not want anyone to miss out.
I think for something like this, you need to take out the travel and motel costs, as they're probably planning it around a majority of people living local so not having to factor in these expenses. I'd imagine if you turn it down they'll be extremely understanding.
Could you contact the bride and maybe find someone to stay with instead of a motel? Even if it's the bride herself or a bridesmaid? Could you look into public transport as an option too? You don't need to actually mention cost, just say that you will be coming and were hoping to stay the night and if she knew of someone who could allow you to stay with them?