Hi IMs
I was just wondering what do you love about your partners? What makes you choose your partner over someone else for a relationship? What traits do you love in them that you don’t see in others?
My partner and I’ve just split of two years-mutual- and we want it to work out but we have a lot to work on individually and growing up to do. He’s my first serious relationship (I’m 25) and only dad my daughter has known.
I struggle to answer why I love him. I love him because he felt like home from the moment we became friends. I know I do but my head because I can’t answer it puts me in a bad spot (anxiety depression) he can list reasons and always tells me how much he loves me because I’m the kindest person or generous or caring person he’s met but to me that’s just being a decent human not reasons I see why I love him. And things my friends love in him how well he plays dad or helps with the house does dishes if I cook etc to me I see it I have a kid before I met him if he doesn’t like it leave or be apart of it I don’t see the need to praise if he does dishes if I cook that’s just being an adult over a man child. Yet friends love those traits in their partners but to me that should just be a given?
Hope it makes sense it just had me questioning what do people love in their partners? Because things I see as just a given to being an adult or decent human friends or my partner see as a trait they love. Thanks
15 Replies
I think you have a serious case of the over thinks! You are over thinking this big time. Loving someone because the are a decent human being and they feel like home are the best reasons I can imagine.
Thank you. Yes half the reason we’ve taken the split is my headspace. Once my anxiety voice kicks in i don’t know what to believe in my head. That’s what I think him feeling like home is the best feeling. And yes being a nice person I love him for that but again my head is like why all my friends are nice people why is he different then?
You don’t want to have sex with your friends!
Read the "5 love languages" book xx
I wholeheartedly agree with the first response!
The thing that separates my husband to everyone else is that he genuinely cares for me. Like I tell him EVERYTHING, and I am excited or happy to open up to him. And he doesn't judge me ever, because he loves me back. And if I feel shit, he can see me at my worst AND STILL love me. Even after I have said or done mean things, he forgives me straight away and we pretend nothing ever happened.
Thank you! How is that different from say your best friend? I tell him everything and he has my back regardwless if I’m in the wrong same as some of my closest people it makes me just wonder what seperate a love for partner vs closest friend (regardless of gender etc)
It's completely different to my best friend, I can't open up to her the way I do to my husband. We share the same family and friends now so we can talk about all things to do with any of them - whereas my best friend doesn't know all of them and sometimes I have to explain that it's such and suches. Whereas he knows absolutely anyone and everyone I mention.
Literally every part of me is also a part of him.
So... My husband knows every fault and flaw I have. And he loves me anyway and has my back. And vice versa. We're home to each other and best friends. Maybe loving him in spite of his flaws is more important than a check list of why he is your first choice?
Wasn’t supposed to be a checklist. More I feel like I can’t give him a reason why I love him but he can list hundreds of why he loves me (which in my eyes are just me being decent person not special) and makes me question then how do I love him if I can’t answer than question
It’s time to speak to your psychologist x
Thinking that your special traits are 'just normal' tells me you have some self worth issues to work on. I used to say I'm just 'normal' but I realise after many years that I am not normal, I am 'extraordinary'. There is no such thing as normal! Hugs
I love my fiancé because he feels like home.
He is my safe and happy place. That’s plain and simple.
But there are many other things. He is an amazing decent human being and he acts like an adult and not a man-child. But I don’t just love him for who he is or what he does, I love him because of the way he makes me feel. And to think of a life without him hurts. To think about not seeing his face before I go to sleep at night and holding his hand while I sleep, would make my life incredibly shitful.
You don’t have to have reasons. You can love people just because... because you can and because you want to and because you don’t have a choice but to love them with your every fibre
Youre confusing expectation with appreciation.
Yes its a given that you wouldn be with a man that doesnt do those things, so you need to show and tell him that you appreciate that hes a man that does.
Its part of being in a relationship is being valued.
Just saying well of course you do makes him feel taken for granted and replacable.
Love him for being him and doing what he does for you and he feels loved and appreciated and closer to you. Youve found a man that ticks all yor boxes in him. Remember not every other man out there would do what he is doing for you.
After being in an abusive relationship from 17 through to 31, I had no idea what being in a nirmal relationship was like. I stayed single for 5 years, I was scared to go back to that. Then I met my partner, we have been together for 2 years. I appreciate the little things he does for me. It's so basic the things he does but I appreciate it and love him for it. Things like adjusting the aircon for me in the car, holding the door open for me, having a coffee ready for when I wake up. I love the respect he has for me and other people. I love that he has my back no matter what. I love how he loves his kids. It's all small everyday things that everyone is capable of but it's what makes me love him.
When you love someone, you know, in depths of your heart and soul. He is obviously comfortable to you but he’s not the one, let him go so he can find someone who will treasure him for who he is.