Sorry this is going to be a long post.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years
He has 2 sons I have one daughter we both have them full time. My daughter is 2 so she knows him as dad as she has never meet her "sperm donor".
When we first go together he was amazing. I remember the moment I feel in love with him. I was up with my daughter sick and teething I went to get some Panadol and he was rocking her and shushing her. He was committed to us.
Months past. And his ex who is actually crazy and has nothing to do with her 2 young sons contacted me. It went on for a while her harrasing me. Then telling me to delete our relationship status on Facebook.
A few weeks later she started messaging me again. Wanting to meet and had something she needed to tell me
I meet up with her and found out my partner had been sending her dick pics and really disscuting messages. Not telling me she had been too. I questioned him about it that arvo and he lied right to my face not knowing that I had meet up with his ex. I soon miscarried because of all the stress and depression.
I left him. But soon got back with him and forgave him. But it's always sat funny with me. I've never got over it entirely.
Well fast forward to this year after a year of his ex harrasing me rocking up at his house abusing us. She takes a restraining order out on us. Mine is against the kids. She claims that I have been violent to them. And have been ausulting my partner in front of them. I'm now not aloud to attend any of their events such as footy it swimming.
It's awful. I was just about to go back to study and wanted to get a job with CPS but now it's going to be impossible with the avo I have on me. I've been in and out of court.
I've stood by my partner with his order too.
But he doesn't seem to ever want to commit to me
We got into a huge fight this week.
I have this friend over seas I meet he was my neighbor when I live in the USA. We have always kept in contact. Well just recently he asked me for some photos. I told him no and that it will ruin our friendship and it wouldn't be kind to my partner. Well he saw these messages after going through my phone and flipped his lid. Why didn't I ever tell him this guy asked. And this guy was not my friend for asking me. Said I probably did send the photos but just deleted them. I just replied with well if he isn't my friend for that you aren't my boyfriend for sending them to your ex back then. It was an awful fight he said now he doesn't feel so bad for what he did now that I have half done it to. I didn't know this guy was going to ask and I didn't pasue it. I was faithful always have been to all my partners that's my nature.
Well I told him today we need to take a break that I really can't cope any more with what he did to me knowing I had been cheated on in the last with my daughters dad and then was beaten up cause he thought I was cheating.
Tonight he deleted his cover photo he had of all of us 5. And changed it just to his kids. Just like he araised my daughter. Thats how it felt
Why was I so stupid for taking him back in the first place. What is wrong with me. Now my daughter and I are so close to his family I mean really close and they have no idea what he did.
I'm bugging to think there is something wrong with me. I took my ex back time and time again even after he cheated. Or hurt me. Or did what ever else he did to me.
It's doing my head in.
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5 Replies
There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You are a nice person, who wants to see the best in people. You do what so many of us do and focus on the good things and ignore the red flags..
I assume you are the same lady who has written in a few times lately.
It sounds like it’s time to get yourself off to see a psychologist so you can have a really good debrief. I think you’ll be surprised just how unhealthy/toxic this relationship is.
I think it’s natural to be frustrated with yourself I truly understand.
Time for some self care, time to love yourself and your child the most.
Look after yourself, and be kind to yourself. You are not the only person who has been through this and you won’t be the last.
Being single for a long time, lots of counselling and learning your own self worth will make you less vulnerable to these predators. Don’t change who you are, you are kind and loving and there’s nothing wrong with that, you just need to learn who you can give that love to. You need to see the red flags and walk away, self worth will give you that. Believe me, there are so many of us that stay in bad relationships and get treated badly due to loving that person, you are not the first and certainly won’t be the last, good luck, don’t go back.
Youre ignoring the signs. I know its hard when you want love so badly, but you have to keep your standards high or else you end up in a mess and being hurt. You should not have forgiven cheating with his crazy ex. You should not forgive that he said now he doesnt feel bad for doing it.
Listen. Hes telling the truth. He will do it again. You dont want this kind of relationship and this is what it will be with him.
Youre broken,youre losing friendships, youre losing career opportunities,youre in court, this is the effect of life with him... and he cuts you out in one night that changing the photo is just done to be very hurtful. you need to decide to move on. Dont look for the nicest thing they do, you have to pay attention to their level of bad behaviour.
Doesn't mean something is wrong with you. I asked myself the same question (different scenarios) many yimes and found counselling very helpful (also very confronting but needed to be done to move forward). I had to learn to love myself before starting another relationship. We took it slow (2 years) before we really let the kids (we have 2 each) be part of it and do things as a family, in order to protect them while we made sure we built as solid base together. Now 2 1/2 years later things are good but it took me a lot of hard lessons to get here and move on from my past and look to the future.
Get some counseling. Break the cycle. End it for good. He’s a loser. He is still involved with his ex and it’s messing with your life, not to mention the damage all this drama would be doing to your daughter.