Hi All,
Just wondering people’s opinion’s on calling the step mum, Mum so speak like Mumma b??
She has been around since my partner and I separated 4 yrs ago in September, and divorced 2 yrs ago and yes they are married. My child’s dad and I have always had a great relationship and so have me and the new partner..
But I don’t feel comfortable with my child calling her Mum, and wouldn’t allow my child to call another partner of mine dad. I have never been out of my child’s life and nor as he we have being doing share care week on week off since March 2015.. My child is 9..
I have tried to talk to my child’s dad about this and how I feel after they asked my opinion, to which I was told it’s going to happen anyway which is now where the frustration lies as well, why ask my opinion if Doesn’t really matter!
21 Replies
Let the kid decide :)
Wow, so they have planned this name? I thought maybe your daughter came out with that herself and I was going to suggest let her be you're not being replaced. But if this is their idea and not your daughters then thats a bit wierd. Why are they pushing this on a 9 year old? Even weirder.
Yes the name was planned!
I'm a step mum and have no problem with them using my first name. Anything else would be strange. How awkward for your daughter at this age to suddenly start calling her mumma. Whats their reasoning?
There was no reason except for just talking about names to call the step parents as she has children herself.
The thing is I also raised his son from 2 till he was 17 when his dad and I separated, I was in his son life for 15yrs but it was always said by us both that he has Mum, this was never an issue!
Thinking of names to call both step parents
Personally I dont think this is for them to decides. I think your child needs to instigate calling another woman mum. If your child isnt comfortable then they shouldnt push it. How does your child feel about this? I think i would be annoyed myself
my Child is fine with it.
I raised my ex’s son for 15 yrs from 2-17 till we separated and it was decided that his son had a Mum there was no need to call me Mum.. another reason it’s a little frustrating I guess..
Why have they never tried this before now? Seems strange to suddenly change. Maybe your child decided but doesn't want to hurt you?
I would also be devastated and would not instigate calling partners mum or dad, BUT there will be a time after so many years and the kids are grown enough where they will decide that that is the role that person plays (like a second one not a replacement).
Personally, I think this is one of those things that's not about you (the adults in general I mean, not just you specifically). If your daughter is happy to call her mum, let it go. I feel like making a big deal of it is not worth it and in the grand scheme of things you'll probably have much bigger issues arise than how your daughter addresses her step mum.
Well I'm going to go against the grain. If my husband and I separated I would be furious if he let our kids call someone else mum. And he would never let that happen either. Mum's withhold kids for money, power, to get back at their ex. Literally the only thing that would make me do that would be if I felt like my relationship with my child was under attack. And this is a clear attack. It's also really simple to correct. 'no kids'. B isn't your mum. Just call her B. Done. Easy. Respectful.
That would be a big fat no from me. F*ck that.
In my eyes a child only has one dad and one mum. If a dad or mum is not in the picture or the parents are same sex that's another issue but parents are special. You can have multiple other important people in your life but you don't need to call them dad or mum to share a special bond with them. If some people are cool with it fine but not being ok with it is more then fine. Don't let anyone say you should deal with it or embrace it. People can have two mums or two dads at birth that's fine but having people come in years later trying to play happy family is not ok
When I was 4 or 5, I was living in a different state to my father, with my mum and her boyfriend. One day at the beach, I just started yelling out “Dad daaaaaad dad!” and my mum came running up to me and said “your dad is all the way back in such and such...” and I replied with “no, Barry Dad” pointing at her boyfriend. She told me I had to ask him if it was okay to call him Dad and that when I spoke to my real Dad, not to mention it. Of course I did, and I even remember the phone conversation because it hurt my real Dad a lot.
Moral of the story, sometimes I kids decide. Express to them how it makes you feel, let the dust settle and try and get passed it.
I definitely know it would be a hard pill for me to swallow but I think it’s just one of those things that you have to let slide. Especially if their is not hard feeling else where and things have been working smoothly, and she is very involved with your kids.
I think this is completely different they have 50/50 shared care, not an absent interstate dad. Also, it didn’t come from the child, it came from the adults and the child is 9, old enough to have decided if this is what they want to do, not have it forced on them. A four year old with an absent father would naturally see the man in their life every day as dad.
No way! Never
My step daughter calls me mum. She decided she wanted to so I didn’t stop her. At first her mum was upset about it but then she realized how lucky her daughter was to have someone that loved and cared for her so much that she felt comfortable calling me mum. It was what her daughter wanted. Her mum also realized it meant she didn’t need to worry about her daughter not being happy at her dads house.
Unless your daughter is being forced to call her mum, let it go. It’s not about you.
It's absolutely about her!
It should be about what the child feels comfortable calling the step-parents. I’m a step-mum, mum & my kids have a step-mum. My kids call their step-mum “Mum”. I’m happy they have someone else in their life they love enough to call Mum. My husband calls my Parents Mum & Dad...should he not? We are all family. Kids have endless amounts of love in their hearts. Your child won’t love you less.
I have been in my Stepsons life since the age of 4 he is now 16. In the whole 12 years I have never expected him to call me anything resembling the word mum. I love him like my own but he has a mum, I am another supportive and loving person in his life but I am not his mum.
I would be absolutely shattered if my baby were to call another woman mum. And I would totally discourage him from calling another man dad.
Very disrespectful of your partner to even suggest this let alone tell you it is happening. Ask him if he would like her calling another man dad
Personally I don't mind. As I am pretty secure in my roll as mum. The kids know I'm their mum, but she does fill that roll when they are there. it might be as simple as her own kids mimic yours and she doesn't want her kids calling her by her first name. I can see why people become upset. Shes not their mum but she does everything a mum does when they are in her care (hopefully). I'd never force kids to call someone mum or dad I'd personally leave it up to the kids and not make a big deal out of it. it's just a name... nobody can't take away the fact you birthed that child or the bond you have. (I can see this from both sides as i am a mother and have step kids) my step kids call me by my first name occasionally calling me mum as a slip of the tongue. I just roll with it. I also know my biological kids sometimes call their step mum, mum. especially since they had a baby and teaching him to call her mum. Don't upset the children over a name. Nobody can take your roll as mum away. But MUM is just a name.