Hi Ladies
I’m hoping this isn’t too long and drawn out but I just feel so stuck. I’ve been with my partner for about 7 years and I have my son (his step son).
He is so immature, selfish and so bad with money (we keep our finances separated as I don’t/can’t trust him) that he actually prioritises making sure he has enough money for cigarettes and alcohol. He works (for my family business) but doesn’t make much money and is usually home by 1-2 every day. He doesn’t care that I (who works full time) spends all my money on paying for rent, food and bills. If we want to go out, I am the one that has to pay for it because he has no money!
I make him pay for his own personal bills (petrol, insurance, etc) but will still make sure he has his ciggies and beer before even considering helping out with rent, electricity bills or even groceries!
I told him a couple of days ago that electricity was due this week and asked if he could chip in and he’s opted to spend the afternoon at that pub with him mates instead!!
He’s already on the last straw (and he knows it - we have spoken/argued about this so many times and he just doesn’t care!) but how do I make him leave??? He has no money, he doesn’t even have a car (using my family’s work car)?? The house is mine (renting) - he moved in here and I want him out ?? Every time I go to kick him out he always has a sob story about him being on the streets ... do I just not care and let him go ??
The only positive is that because he does work in the family business (I dont), he does do the school drop off and pick ups and help out over school holidays ... but is that enough of a reason for him to do what he does?
My son can feel the tension and can see how we are treating each other and I hate it, that is why I just want him out !! I can’t let him grow up thinking it’s ok to have priorities like this and treat me like this! What do I do ?? How do I get him out of my house ?? It’s really affecting my mood - I’m just always angry, my outlook of life and really getting me down (especially when I am normally quite a happy person)!
Any advice would be great!
4 Replies
He's doing this because he's been getting a free ride. Stop it now. Pack his shit. Leave it on the lawn. Get the locks changed and call him to tell him to come and pick it up. Fire him from the business (check this on Fair Work website but I believe small businesses can be exempt from unfair dismissal laws). If he has not prioritised things that are important to function as an adult (savings, a car, a proper job) then that's just too bad. It's not your responsibility and you cannot allow feeling sorry for him to stop you from moving on. Surely he has a mate he can crash with until he sorts his shit out.
Is he on the lease? If so, get him removed. Is he your son's dad? If so, seek legal advice immediately and start the mediation process to get intial visitation agreements in place.
You box his stuff up and put the stuff in the garage or carport and send him a text to come and get it. Have the locks changed in the house at the same time.
He won’t be homeless because there are plenty of share houses. If he is homeless that’s a choice he is making.
He’s never had to sort his shit out because you have always had his back. Being too nice is what got you in this situation. Time for some drastic measures. Yes, you Do just let it go and don’t feel guilty because these are his life choices and he has no right to give you sob stories or manipulate you. He’s not being a partner he’s another child you have to nag. Very unattractive quality.
He is a freeloading douche!
You give him notice, just like any other tenant, put it in writing and you mean it! You advise him that if he has not vacated by said date, all his belongings will be packed up and put out on the nature strip. If you had advised the real estate/landlord that he had moved in, you now advise them he has moved out on said date.
If he stays, he is trespassing
Don’t fall for his bullshit sob story, he is an opportunistic lazy slob. Let him be the next unsuspecting woman’s problem.
Protect your child from this crap, for goodness sakes! Oh and book your child into vacation care. NOW! Stop relying on this loser, it’s not worth it to have your child spend one more second with this bloke