One of my very close friends has 2 boys. 4 and 6. My son is 6 and we have been pretty close for the last 5 years. My friend follows a "gentle parenting" approach. I follow a quite traditional strict approach. At my friends youngest boys 4th birthday party today at an indoor playcentre and my son comes back crying saying x bit me... thought it may have been a mistaken scratch by accident while playing and let it go. Looked at it a minute later as he was saying it really hurt. Nope its a bite alright. Teeth marks clear and deepenough to break the skin.
Not impressed.... thinking wtf? Friends son got no reprimand .....nothing. didn't say anything (time and place etc). What do i do??
Say something to my friend about how pissed i am or leave it? No idea how to handle this one as this bite wasn't a baby frustration type of bite. It was a spoilt brat not getting his way bite and I'm pretty damn annoyed.
What the hell do i do???
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6 Replies
Id get the kid myself, tell him to look at what hes done put on your very serious face and tell him its not ok and you dont want to see this ever again or there will be big trouble.
Too much time has passed to talk to her son about it, but in future I would. Next time if you see her child hit or bite your child you could say "NO, we do not bite. You've hurt 'Joe' please go and say sorry".
I would speak to your friend too, it'll probably be a bit awkward but I tend to think if you let these small things go they turn into big things. Just something like
" I don't know if you saw your son bite mine today but could you please talk to him about it? I really hope it doesn't happen again ".
If you did not witness it then how can you say why he did it? Was your son restraining him or holding his arms? What exactly happened? My son bit his cousin once and I was mortified but I later found out she was laying on top of him so he could not leave the room when she wanted him to keep playing their game. Get both sides of the story and never just assume your child is innocent and the other child is just a spoilt brat in any circumstance. I have seen kids manipulate stories because they know their Mum will look for blood.
That's a very good point, if you didn't see what happened you can't guarantee it was unprovoked (even if you pretty much 'know' or suspect it wasn't).
It probably should have been dealt with then and there by both parents, at the very least it should have been acknowledged by the friend.
I think maybe let it slide this time but be prepared to deal with it better next time, be ready to get sll the info and then call your friend out if her kids hurts yours and she does nothing about it.
Gentle parenting isn't the problem. Not addressing the situation at the time is. I'd leave it now though. But FYI, my mum was gentle but firm. My step mum, very strict. My step sister (child of strict mum) bit a flap off my brother's shoulder through 3 layers of winter clothing because she was pretending he was a cake. If you take the high ground, prepare to grovel in a week when it's your kid being the ratbag.
Love this!