I have my very own imperfect family and I'm struggling to cope with them lately. It's my job to do the menu for the week, the groceries, cook all the meals, run any and all errands, do the washing and apparently clean the rest of the fucking house! I share this house with another adult and soon to be adult yet I feel like I'm the only adult here!
In the last week I've kept track, I'm the only one to have taken out the garbage, the only one to have cooked, the only one to have done the dishes barring one night when I cracked a tanti and it got done by the teenager. I'm the only one to do washing yet when someone else decided to use the dryer it was only their uniform put in. The only one to have tidied up and when I asked my SO to hang out one load of washing and put the dishes away he hung out the washing and then went back to the computer until I reminded him!
Before you all say just don't do it for them, I can't live in filth, I can't have piles and piles of washing (plus last time I did that the teenager decided washing one clothing item at a time was a good idea), I can't not eat proper food, I can't have a disgusting kitchen.
I'm honestly at my wits end. I work multiple part time jobs and study while my SO works 1 full time. I have asked him so many times to help and he helps for 5 minutes and then goes back to the computer.
I don't know what I'm asking just needed a rant. I honestly don't know how all you stay at home mummas do it, you're superheroes!
Resenting the family
Resenting the family
Posted in:
Self Care, Health & Wellbeing
8 Replies
You know what, I think most mums, even women in general have felt like this at some point and that is quite sad. We have come a long way in terms of equality but there's still this sort of unspoken assumption that it's a mums job to do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping and all the other shit that needs doing, often on top of working herself.
I'm a stay at home mum, so all the stuff you've mentioned falls to me which I don't mind for the most part but I do wonder how my partner would actually function without me, he and my children can be incredibly lazy and sometimes I feel I may have enabled it somewhat. I'm trying to rectify that now because particularly my partner is going to be in for a hell of a rude shock when I do go back to work otherwise!
My only advice (and I know you've already tried this but bear with me), stop doing so much for your teenager (I dunno what you do with grown ass men though).
I know it's gunna drive you nuts but they really need to learn how to look after themselves. Set up a laundry roster, for example you could appoint them an hour every second afternoon and only if there's a whole load.
I don't really have any more advice but do know you're definitely not alone feeling this way!
I don’t think we’ve come far at all, the only difference is the right/choice to work, the majority of domestic work and child care is still on women....
And you’re a SAHM, was it even discussed whether he’d stay at home instead of you? Oh that’s right, he earns more than you..
And marriage, did you take his name, become a Mrs, then name your children after him?
One woman a week is murdered by her male partner or ex partner...
No, we’ve not come very far at all...
I used to work full time and did most of the cleaning I cracked a tantrum and my partner started to help
Then I got sick and lost my job so my partner had to do everything without me and he said he realised how much I actually do every day
I’m not saying get sick but maybe write up a list of what you do every week and what they do and show they the difference.
I still don’t work now but my partner washes and dries the dishes, brings in the washing, outs his stuff in the basket and takes it to the landuary and he mows the lawn. I do everything cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping, washing the dog, and such
Once we divided everything up it really helped
My hubby got a rude shock when all the kids left home and there was only 2 of us to do everything. We are actually doing joint counselling to work through values and sharing, etc, it got so bad. Having a 3rd person to keep the conversation kind has been great and we are getting there...
If they are teenagers, time to teach them.
1. Put hampers for clothes in their rooms. It gets full...they wash it. If it smells-close their door!
Dedicate 3 nights a week where “everyone fends for themselves!”
As for dishes, I’d just stick to doing this job myself. But dedicate garbage to SO!
Do your OWN washing, they’ll get the idea...as soon as the clean clothes run out!!
Tell them what you need done “xyz do the mopping, fgh do the vacuuming”
It’s hard, but you need to set boundaries or you will burn out.
This sounds typical for all mum's at some stage of their life.
It sounds like you need to put some rules into place for your son and make there be consequences if they're not met. If he was only do one piece of clothing in the wash he needs to be taught how to do it properly. Drum it into him.
You're contributing to these problems by doing it all for them. So we can't really advise much more if you're not willing to stop :(
You have to learn to leave it. They probably feel really awkward if they do any of that stuff because you seem a little fussy and dare I say- naggy! Not meaning to sound nasty at all but just from this post I can tell you are someone that likes things done exactly how you want, if you want them to help you need to learn to accept it the way they do it without nagging or criticism. Divide everything by 3 or do a 1 week on 2 off roster where one of you is responsible for all the chores for a week, then the next persons turn.
You delegate, that’s how you do it!
Don’t be the slave, and what are teaching your soon to be adult, that’s it’s a mother’s job to do all the domestic duties????
Call an emergency house meeting, write down all the jobs, assign the jobs evenly and have it up on the wall/fridge. The consequences of each person not doing their jobs? You do not pick up after them. Live in filth for a while, cook your own meals, wash your own clothes, otherwise it’ll never change