Hi sisters
I am so lonely. My family and I have moved across the country as my job was intense and I wanted to be able to spend more time with my children-I’m the working parent while my husband stays home with our small pre school children. We wanted a lifestyle change away from the hustle and bustle of a 60 hour working week.
What we have actually done is moved to an unfriendly, unwelcoming small country town where we know no one. My job is just as insane here and I am still pulling big hours and not spending any extra time with my kids. If I try to do less and actually leave work on time, I am frowned upon and judged harshly by others.
My husband is looking for work but hasn’t yet been successful, thus I am still stuck doing all the work and bringing home the money. The town we have moved to is clique-y, and even if I was going to try and fit in here, I’m at work all the time so can’t break-into the cliques. At least where we lived before we had friends we could call on-here we have no one and to top it all-I hate my new job with a passion.
I feel stuck, that We’ve made a mistake, that I’m a lonely hamster on a wheel just going round and round.
Just venting I suppose, how long would you give it? And then what? Move again and hope for a friendlier town??
New to town and lonely
New to town and lonely
Posted in:
Mental Health
3 Replies
I’d give it a while.
First off, I’d invite some parents and kids over for a meetup from preschool. Use your kids as an excuse to get together with people.
That sucks you’re frowned upon for doing less hours at work, but being frowned upon isn’t the worst thing. You need to do what makes you happy and leave at a time that works for you. Screw what they think of you, they can’t fire you on the means you aren’t putting in extra unnecessary hours.
Maybe head out to the local pub for a meal every few weeks and start getting to know the locals, go on the same night each time so there’s usual people that you can see.
It’s very hard but you WILL fit in :)
Where did you move from and to (if you don’t mind sharing). And what industry do you work in? Will your husband finding work really help your situation if you working long hours is an expectation of your workplace? It sounds to me like that would just result in your kids having less time with both of their parents.
How long have you been in the current town? Can you move back to where you came from? Sometimes we have to pay ourselves on the back for trying and then admit that it didn’t work. I wonder if your husband could find work in the coty that you’re all from so you could take on a role with less responsibility. You could then have your friends and family close by while still getting more time with your kids and your husband gets to get back into the workforce too. Win win all around I think.
I get how you feel small towns are big with cliques, gods know mine drives me nuts with it we moved here because my husbands family is here and he loves being close to them but most of the time it drives me crazy. Try keeping an eye out for those who don’t fit, if where you live Is anything like here there will be other women who have moved there either because of their partners or for a sea change and don’t fit any better than you do it’s taken me nine years of loneliness but I’m finally starting to have a couple of other women to chat to partly through my youngest play dates