I left my husband of 15 years at the end of last year after he confessed to a 3 year affair that resulted in a baby. A pandoras box of lies was opened leaving everything he ever said or did in question. Some lies & deception have included him having cancer, telling the other woman i was dead & surveilling me in my home, car, mobile etc without my knowledge or permission for at least a year before our split but likely much longer. I believe in my gut (with the beauty of hindsight) that he had, at the very least, entertained the idea of removing me permanently so that he could move his other woman (& new baby) into our home. We have a seven year old daughter together. I don't think i'll ever fully untangle the web of lies & deceit he spun around me, & i don't really have words to describe the deep hurt i feel.
This man took all my firsts, he was my one & only partner. I now despair about my future. I don't know the first thing about how to meet someone, to date, to have sex with another! I despair about keeping my daughter safe from her father, of him taking her far away & never giving her back to me (he has the means & has made the threats). I fear him screwing her head up so much with lies that it'll have a profound affect on her life & who she is. I let the monster into my home (unknowingly), how do i now stop him from continuously hurting me (he seems to take actual pleasure in it, he gets off on it)? How do i prevent him from damaging my daughter? How do i build a new life? I want to cut this dead limb from my body but i can't, he's not going away.
FYI yes i'm having counseling. Yes i have lawyers involved.
1 Replies
Probably best to look up narcissism, knowledge is power, as you have a child, probably best to go grey rock (google it). When you read about it, you will probably have a lot of aha moments, don’t get frustrated with yourself for not seeing it, remember, youre just a normal, trusting human, you did nothing wrong.
Any emotion, reaction he can get from you, he enjoys, so you have to stop giving him any, as hard as that is. I feel so very sorry for what you are going through, but if you take anything from this, it is that he will always be like this, his life will always be full of deceit/betrayal, he willl never wholly love anyone, but you, you are a wonderful person, capable of a fulfilling, wonderful relationship with a positive future ahead of you.