Life is so hard right now.
I’ve got three boys, 5yo (from a previous relationship ) and a 2.5 yo and 5 week old with my husband.
Things are so stressful.
I just spent all our savings on a private midwife for my last baby. We’ve got bills coming out of everywhere.
I’m now forking our $55 to take my son to a psychologist because we aren’t coping with parenting him.
My son and my husband are fighting all the time. The only time there’s peace is when mr 5 is at his dads. My husband has anxiety and goes off all the time at the kids. Plus issues mr 5 has at school. He’s a challenging kid.
I suck as a mum, my kids walk all over me. I admit that.
My husband has also told me he has suicidal thoughts. He hates his job and home life is miserable.
I struggle to give my husband any affection. His anger makes it hard for me to even like him.
I guess this is just a vent. I’m sick of having to worry and care for everyone else, and feeling responsible for everything.
No one ever asks how I’m going. I’m just expected to be strong and handle everything.
10 Replies
Wow youre keeping a lot of plates in the air.
My biggest advice is to take care of yourself and your 5 year old. These are his formative years he needs them to be not toxic or it will have a lasting impression on his wellbeing.
There are some Bulk billing private psychologists in Brisbane. Go and see your GP for a mental health care plan for yourself your son and hubby can get one too. Google around in your area to see who bulk bills if not ring around coz some places will do it but don't advertise it.
Could the 5 year old go and live with Dad for a while or 50/50 care to take a bit of pressure off everyone?
Good luck Mumma
Ok so I’m just going to put it out there but do you think your 5 year old may be a ‘challenging kid’ because he is constantly on edge with your husband around who you have just said is always angry and fighting with him. He’s 5, that’s a lot for a 5 year old!
Take him to the psychologist. That’s a perfect first step. And remember that you’re doing the absolute best that you possibly can. You’re not a machine. But I think you may need to have a very honest think about what the real issue is in your home. Something tells me it’s not the 5 year old and his behaviour is probably reactive to the real issue. I’d also consider what goes on between your 5 year old and your husband when you’re not around. If they’re always fighting and he’s verbally abusive with you present then what is he like when you’re not present? All food for thought.
Protect your kids before anyone else. Your son is telling you something is not right in his life. Listen. These years can make or break him and will have a ripple effect on the rest of his life!
Wow you have a lot going on, how stressful. I'd have a chat to your doctor or MHN about post natal depression, I am not suggesting you have it however what you are going through could lead to it. The stress may be hiding what you're going through.
Why did you go to a private midwife if you realistically couldn't afford it? Is there something that made you do that?
For your son, you should be able to get a session for free if you go to a GP and get a referral. I don't know if it's your son that needs the psychologist though, maybe it is your husband? Or your whole family, as if your husband is suicidal and has depression (which he does) maybe it is him that's the problem. That's why you aren't coping with parenting him. Is he negative all the time and making it hard for you to parent? Maybe he is being problematic because one of his role-models is "going off all the time". He's just modelling behaviour that he thinks is acceptable.
I think you need to sort your husband out first and foremost.
Really agree with this, take the weight that you're feeling and imagine it on a five year old boy. Maybe different issues and confusion, and resulting behaviours, but the same weight. And a suicidal mean step dad and a mother with two new babies and the weight of the world on her already, this little boy needs his mother and his home to be healthy, he needs you to make choices and set things in motion to get you all there.
I agree your son acting out could potentially be a symptom of your toxic home life, however, it may not be, he may even require a diagnosis or just be a strong personality. The only thing you can do is eliminate the toxic home life and see if things turn around for him, that’s where I would start. I have to ask, why did you add to your family recently if your family is struggling so much? So i would work on the toxic step dad first, time to get his mental health in order, see someone, get on meds if required and you need to step up and place boundaries on your son and take up the heavy lifting of the parenting for a while. Get organised with your five year old, have set times where you have one on one time doing fun stuff, get some reward charts going, give him some incentives to behave. Lots of love, attention and lots of firm boundaries combined where he knows you mean what you say, what your expectations are and the associated consequences. I would also integrate step dad into the fun stuff, is there something they could do together to reconnect? I am a firm believer that discipline doesn’t work if the child doesn’t get good stuff from you too, if it’s omly bad, you end up in a bad place. So to sum up, hubby needs urgent mental health asssitance, you need to step up and parent with love and see where that gets you.
Ur hubby should be admitted into hospital asap if he is suicidal! U can call 000 and request either police or ambos to come pick him up when he is like that. I don't mean to sound harsh but he sounds like his in a very bad place atm and shouldn'y be around the kids or left alone. Please call lifeline 13 11 14 or someone professionally trained to help u guys out!
I feel like I could have written the same thing. My hubby confessed to me the same thing the other day. My daughter is suicidal and I feel like my whole family is falling apart. I’m getting help for my daughter. My husband refuses to get help. I am taking steps to See a Councillor as I don’t know how to deal with all of this. My anxiety is through the roof and I’m lost too. Hang in there and take one day at a time xx
My 2 year old walks all over me. And my older child...adjusting to a new baby. You need to see your GP about mental health plans for all of you. If you're in Qld go and see child health nurse. They have parenting resources you can access for free. We had one on one when #2 was born
Get yourself a good psychologist. Ask your GP for a mental health care plan to see one who doesn’t charge any gap.
Also, if you don’t have a paediatrician for your son,ask GP for a referral.
Husband needs to seek support and help for himself.
Trying to be all things to all people is why you are inactive and ineffective in all relationships. Start with you, build up your own health and well being first