Hi everyone, I’m finding it hard to accept the idea of handing my 5yo son over to my ex’s girlfriend when I have to go away for work because he won’t be here either.
I share 50/50 custody with my ex and my job takes me away for lengthy time periods, my ex does the same job but we agreed to not do it at the same time. He’s gone away for something different and when a sudden but not unexpected change came up at my work requiring me to go away, he said his girlfriend could look after our son. Now I’ve never met her, I’m sure she’s probably nice but for some reason it just made me feel sick. I understand she’s looked after our son before (although I don’t know the timeframe). I don’t have any reason to worry about her, but I’ve just felt that whatever my sons dad does with our son in his time is his business and doesn’t hurt me because I’m not directly involved. But when I thought about me having to do the interaction with her, I don’t know - it just felt horrible. I don’t like the idea of dropping my son off to another woman...
But please how do I accept the possibility that I might have to? I want to keep my job. Maybe I just need a kick up the bum and just have to get over it and deal with it? How have other mums coped?
8 Replies
I think you need to meet her. I dont know how you could be comfortable leaving your child alone with someone you havent met either.
Its great you trust your ex but there has to be a limit there in making good parenting decisions.
You need to get it over and done with, probably less awkward with him not there because I think they try and read reactions. If it's his time and he has arranged for gf to look after son while he's away then that's how it is.
I agree with the above - you need to be comfortable about this. For me I would be more comfortable with meeting her before she has your child for any extended period of time. Having a casual meeting at a coffee shop would be neutral and have the ex there if you think that may make her more comfortable etc. Kids are really good distraction too so can be the perfect ice breaker :-)
They say it takes a village to raise a child, maybe think of this as adding to your village? It could be a great opportunity for your son to have another kick ass female role model in his life too! I guess you've just got to see the positive aspect, I mean all goes well then you know you have a trustworthy babysitter for future.
Obviously you should meet her first but if your son is comfortable with her and your sons father trusts that she's capable then I think this is a great arrangement.
I wouldn’t be comfortable. If I haven’t met them I’d find another alternative. Like my mum or Dad.
How lucky is your son that she wants him when his dad isn't there. Meet her. Unless you are concerned for his safety, do it. It will help create harmony.
How long have they been together? Does your son know her well?
I understand why other commenters are saying but I would not be comfortable leaving my child with someone I didn’t know, regardless of it being dads girlfriend she is still a stranger to you, you wouldn’t leave your child with someone you met at shops so even though dad knows her this is still a stranger.
If your son knows her well and she’s been around a long time I’d consider it but definately not without first meeting a few times so you know who she is and how your son is with her
Pay for a sitter while you are away, or ask a family member.