Hi please post anon....
Hey Team, im not sure if this is even a thing or not but someone might shed some light on it..... im about to have my second bub our first is 2. My parents are frickin fabulous to us and are just all round great ppl. My inlaws are a**holes and are well over 1/2 way up the crazy pole. They 100% dislike me and my family which is fine not everyone is everyone else's cup of tea. My parents live in another country and his live in the same city as. They are pretty manipultive and try extremely hard to push their way in to my husbands life after hurting him countless times. This is the morbid bit.......if something happens to me is there something tgat can be put in place so that my parents dont miss out on see their grandchildren? Its not my husband im concerned about its his parents who might influence him afterwards. We r a united front together but by himself they have the ablity to mess with him (mind games) and prevent a 2 way street with my parents and him. If anyone knows if there is something that can be put im place holla at me guys id apreciate it so much! P.s...dont like my post? Scroll on by 👌
6 Replies
Are you Ill or expecting to die soon? If yes, look into advance care directives and parenting plans/arrangements.
If no, write up a will with your husband and have your parents be the executors (with siblings if possible)
Make legal, formal arrangements but if you die first, it really is upto your husband but with a parenting plan you may be able to stipulate the capacity in which your parents are involved with your children.
Not expecting to die and am not ill, just making sure all my boxes are ticked as a mum. Thanks for your reply its a great help.
So why doesn't your husband have anything to do with them? If you're assuming he will go to them if you die then I'm left to think you made the choice to cut contact, not him. What if your husband decided he thinks your parents are crazy and you and your kids should have nothing to do with them, how would you feel? Have a closer look at the reasons you're cutting them out. What have they done that's so bad? Maybe some family counselling would be a good idea to see if you're acting in the best interests of your family or if you're just scared of them getting too close because your own family is far away.
A few things over the past 8 yrs have really put a strain on their relationship (hubby and his family) we have extended the olive branch many of times only to be hurt each time. We have done the family counselling sessions which fazzed out at their discretion. I pretty much stay out of their business now (got sick of picking up the pieces) we still do the "right thing" at right times and take our kiddies to see their Nan and Pop. You make vaild points but 100% its the hubbys decision on their relationship. I just dont want things to fade out later on down the track with my overseas family and checking if there was anything i could put in place. I dont think he will run to them at all but they are pretty manipulating and play horrific games that leave us dumb founded. Haha its all a bit morbid considering im fine im just watching another family go thru similar situation.
Unless you are terminally ill you really can't do anything officially at this point. If you pass, your parents can apply for access via grandparent rights but it usually requires a pattern of contact to have been in place prior for a judge to order that. I. Email. Kids went to them once a fortnight for 2 days etc. That would be hard if they're in another country. It sounds like your hormones are running rampant. Just foster a good relationship between your hubby and parents and trust him. If your kids have regular Skype contact and you die, they would ask to talk to them if it suddenly stopped anyway.
Yea cool thats exactly what i was wondering the grandparents rights part. Like i said in my above reply im just watching a family go thru a similar situation and its pretty sad to watch and id hate for it to happen within our family. It seems messy for them.Thanks for your advice its much apreciated! Haha yes my kiddies skype all the time with their overseas family! Thanks for your help.