Husband has a seperate Facebook account that he won’t add me to. I’ve requested to be his friend, brought it up with him. He ignores it. He also has a 2nd, fake Facebook account that he claims is for work purposes. So as he can look into people without them knowing it his name showing up. I don’t even know the full name of that one.
He has a seperate home office, I’m not allowed into, has seperate files which are locked away, he has shares and property etc that I’m not allowed to see or know details of. We both work and contribute to our family.
Husband eats seperate meals to us (2 kids & I), he shops for his own food which he keeps out in the shed seperate to ours, he washes his own clothes seperately. I’ve explained several times that it hurts me but it all continues. I think the segregation and secretiveness is getting worse. Any advice or suggestions?
Obviously it’s me who has an issue with it, not him. When I mention anything, it’s as if I’m crazy for thinking any of it is an issue.
Own life or secrets??
Own life or secrets??
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
21 Replies
That's highly unusual and I can't fathom why he would do this when it extends to meals and all.
This isnt really moving together or sharing a life. Hes got you to a point where you may not like it but you accept it. Read that back, hes got a double life that he locks you out of. He sets the limits on what you can see and be part of. You can live with this but you wont be happy and probably will have some pretty devastating shocks come out eventually.
That is really weird. Sorry but if my husbandwas behaving this way I'd be finding an awesome divorce lawyer.
This isn't a marraige, this is a home share..
I’d be out of there quick smart and ensuring your funds are secure. Is he withholding your money without you knowing??!!
Not my money? He has owned shares and property before we were married. I don’t have any access or too much knowledge of that stuff.
I have a little bit of money I made before we were together and have put that into our children’s account - for orthodontics and future school fees etc.
So has he put money away for this as well, or he gets to spend his money on his own interests? He sounds very selfish and like he does not trust you at all. Very strange behaviour!
You're married. Unless you have a prenuptial agreement it is part of your joint financial resources.
Could I be responsible for the secrecy? So he has shares and paid off property. We have a couple of joint bank accounts for bills and normal things but I was very reluctant to give him access to our children’s account when it was set up. I don’t want him spending it or putting it on the house. He doesn’t use any of his seperate accounts for the children. He has bought a brand new car, seperate from our accounts. I don’t know details of how much or repayments, he sees it as his thing.
Sounds like you both don’t trust each other and that is a key ingredient to a successful marriage. It sounds like you are friends rather then husband and wife
Congratulations. You have a roommate.
If I was you I would be leaving ASAP. My sisters husband did the same thing and he had another family she didn’t know about. This isn’t a marriage. You deserve better. See a lawyer immediately and get things happening to leave and divorce him.
Keeping all his assets a secret is just strange, sounds like he is just living with you because he has too much to lose in a divorce. How do you know he has not bought property while you are together? How do the finances work in this kind of relationship?
That's the most bullshit reason for having a second FB account I've ever heard!
Secondly, you're his wife. You have a right to be included in the financial aspect, it's not just 'his money' anymore.
The whole secretiveness is concerning because he either doesn't trust you or he is untrustworthy himself (I suspect the latter).
I'd flat out ask him if he'd rather be single.
Everything about him screams bad vibes to me.
He's a secret agent or an assassin? Jokes, sorry have no advice except this is very weird behaviour!
Def secrets!!! This is some weird and scary shit!
Get a PI onto it, cos if you snoop, he’s probably got cameras set up!
I’m thinking you’ll need a forensic accountant too.
Find out all the facts then take action accordingly.
This is not on at all!! 😞
If you live in Melbourne..
I will help you suss him out.
Could he have another business that maybe his ashamed of? Go to the abn site and put in his name. It comes up with locations so you can pretty much find if it’s them. Also there are new privacy laws in place where you need to notify the clients of breaches within 24 hours. This includes accidentally sending an email to an incorrect address. Could he not like the food your eating? The second Facebook is weird. Unless that’s his other business page. Check out LinkedIn as well. That’s like Facebook for businesses
You need to go see a family lawyer in relation to your own financial standing if things get messy later, make sure you have enough more net put ask de if he walks out. My dad behaved like this, he emptied my parents join account over a period of a year, he left no money in the account and brought a new house in cash the week after they separated.
A friend of mine her husband was this secretive washed clothing etc had unexplainable absences and she suspected he was in a homosexual relationship, when they divorced she found a suitcase of porno homosexual magazines in his secret shed.
Why stay? You have separate lives. Do you share anything? Make sure you have your own stuff too.
Im literally going through this now however i found his facebook by accident..... hes been talking to girls for weeks behind my back .... if they cant share everything what sort of relationship is that?