This is more of a furious vent rather than seeking advise, but if you can think of something we haven’t, im all ears.
My husband and I left our kids (age 4, and age 3 months) with my mum so we could go out to the movies. We have not gone out together since our eldest was born, so this was a rare night out alone for us. We decided to go to dinner and then see a movie. We checked with my mum and we decided the kids could sleep over and we would pick them up in the afternoon.
We woke in the morning to a phone call from my mum, balling her eyes out, that my grandmother had come over to the house (she lives there but is house sitting at the moment), she took the kids out, got our son a haircut and pierced our daughter’s ears!!!!!!! She took them early, whilst my mum was still asleep. We found out that my grandmother had woken the kids up and taken them out.
I am furious! My Husband is furious! My mum is furious! Everyone else thinks we are over reacting.
My son wanted to grow his hair. So we let him. It was almost long enough to tie up but not quite. We were not going to pierce our daughter’s ears until she asked for it to be done. 3 months old is way too young.
We have consulted a doctor because our daughter’s ears are now infected. We have taken the earrings out and she is now on antibiotics. It looks like she has reacted to the earrings. Her ears are so red and she screams when someone touches them.
We asked her why she did this and her answer was…. “Now (sons name) doesn’t look like a poof and (daughters name) looks pretty. But now you have ruined her by taking them out”
My husband wants to sue her and get a restraining order. Im agreeing with him. My dad (his mother) said that if we go down that road then he will never speak to us again. I told him that she hurt my children and she has to answer for that.
We are consulting a lawyer
My mum woke at 8am, started the kids breakfast and then went to go and get them from their room (they share a room there for now).She found them not there. She searched the house and then called us but we didn't answer (didn't hear the phone). She went to the next door neighbours (both sides and across the road), she ran down to the end of the park with said neighbours looking for them. She then saw my grandmothers car drive down the street so ran to get her to help only to find that she had the kids all along.
Still in their pjs. No food with them. Had not even changed the baby. 4 year old had an accident because she wouldn't let him go to the toilet (he was in tears). She blasted her and made her go inside. She asked the neighbours to come too.
She called us again, we picked up and she told us what happened. We raced around there, grabbed the kids and made sure they were okay. Baby and 4 year old were screaming. We took the earrings out of the baby and made her a doctors appointment. 4 year old was terrified. I asked everyone what had happened and everyone basically said the same as my mum. I do not doubt my mum at all (neither does my husband). I asked 4 year old what happened and he told me that....
"Nanny took me to the shops for icecream but we cant wake grandma up because she is really tired. Lets take baby out too. But nanny didn't get me icecream she cut my hair and hurt babys ears and I had an accident. I'm so sorry mummy I didn't mean to but nanny said I cant go wees in the toilet. I'm not a dirty boy am I mummy?" **burst into tears**
This is why we are consulting a lawyer. She has kidnapped and abused my children
42 Replies
Ok I would damn well make sure she didn’t have access to my kids again. But I think seeking legal advice and restraining orders are going way too far. Just cut contact with her.
She crossed the line and over stepped boundaries but only because she didn’t seek your permission to do those things.
Have your mum babysit at your house now.
Are you sure grandma isn't in the early stages of dementia? Personally I think piercing a baby should be illegal as they can't consent... But a hair cut isn't the end of the world. I'm much more concerned about her cognitive functioning that thought taking children without consent (kidnapping) was OK!
Oh my goodness. This is terrible. Definitely not overeating. I would be furious. I would completely cut ties with her and any other family that support her actions. I'm not sure what suing her would achieve? But this is unforgivable. I wouldn't allow your children near her again.
Definitely what she did was so wrong especially piecing your babies ears . consulting a lawyer seems a little over the top but I’m not in your shoes. Do what you feel is right. Just remember it may course more drama
I wouldn’t be consulting a lawyer, what are you hoping to achieve? A criminal conviction on her record or money for compensation? Because that is all you are going to achieve, it’s not going to make her realise what she has done is wrong. I would be furious/angry but not charging her, that’s way over the top and will fuel the drama.
I wouldn't be inclined to let your mum babysit anymore either, someone took your children from her care while she slept. She's got to accept some responsibility here too.
Restraining order seems a little far, I'd at least give it a bit of time to calm down. Your sons hair will grow back, she had no right to have it cut but he wasn't hurt, the ear piercing I understand but is it worth ripping your family apart for?
Going forward I'd just not allow unsupervised visits with your mum/grandmother.
I actually wonder if granny's mentally fit, it seems to have surprised you that she did this which makes me think it's out of character!
I would be suing the place she got the piercing done, who the f does that to a 3 mon old baby without the parents consent?!
Let them sue her in return if she's lied to them.
I think grandmas age and mental state would have a lot to do with my response but I don't think your husband is overreacting, however i have to see it from your dads point of view. It's a loopy overstepping thing to do, but not entirely criminal. I mean, now you know she's batshit, it's pretty easy to keep her away from the kids and I don't see her doing anything else harmful to them and it will help keep your relationship with your dad and settle the whole family.
I agree with you and that's good advice regarding the actual piercing salon too. I've just done some googling and whilst it varies depending on the state the general consensus is that children under 16 cannot have any piercings without parental/guardian consent. So grandma has either lied to them, they don't have the proper procedures in place or she took the baby somewhere dodgy. Either way, definitely should be looked into!
They would need to see ID but shes the childs great grandma so I suspect it would have been quite obvious she isnt the parent as well.
Not necessarily, when my girls got their ears done all I had to do was sign a form giving my permission and tick a box either parent or guardian, no ID even requested. I really could have been anyone and they wouldn't have known. My brother wanted his eyebrow pierced when he was 14 and I signed the forms for him too, without question.
They generally don't care or look to much into it as long as there's an adult present.
Im trying to remember if they ID me when doing my daughters. I think the form covers them, so gma has ticked parent or guardian that gives them recourse to her but they still have a duty to check before they pierce. Whether you are willing to take it to court is another matter though.
I think sleep on it, maybe a few nights and then decide what to do.
https://www.essentialbeauty.com.au/service/childrens-ear-piercing/
You should find out where she got her ears pierced and go and blast them, they should not have been done without parents permission! My ex tried to get our 4 year old daughters ears done and the place he took her refused unless I had given written permission.
I don't know if I would go as far as legal action against grandma but any future babysitting should be done at your house, don't let her anywhere near them.
OP
Yes we have found out where she got my daughters ears done and have contacted police to get video footage. Apparently my grandmother told them that she is the legal guardian and signed the paperwork to say so. They didn't ask for ID
This is incredibly concerning and I see why you are livid with her! I wouldn’t take legal action but I would 100% make sure something like this never happens again by not allowing her to have then unsupervised. Sheesh, I’m angry as hell just reading this. She would be lucky to see them again given the poof comment to - he’s a bloody child for goodness sake!
I can imagine you would be very upset and angry, however suing someone isn’t a real resolution. Removing them from your lives is and ceasing further contact.
I’d also question your mum’s side of the story though, just personally. As to me that doesn’t sound right.. she was still asleep? How did she sleep through the kids (particularly a 12 week old) being taken? Wouldn’t your daughter have been in her room in portacot or been using a monitor? If it was so early before she awoke, how did those things get done as places wouldn’t have been open so early. Where did your grandma get the food for your 3 month old in order to go out? I’m only mentioning this because it really just doesn’t sound likely that she just got some bottles ready and headed out to get this done unplanned. Your daughter would have made some noise at least. Is it that your mum went along with it and now has regrets and has changed the story a bit?
That would be my main concern.
My kid barely made noise at 3 months unless hungry. He could have easily been picked up and not woken. Also, mum could have just put bubs down to sleep after a horrible night. I remember having nights of no sleep around that age and then sleeping like a log. And my monitor only played with sustained noise. That way crying came through but little sleep noises etc didn't. I don't think this mum needs to add to the family drama.
The fact still remains that she was responsible for those children and someone took them from her while she slept (if that is actually what supposedly happened). Grandma would have at least had to get them dressed or ready to some degree, most kids don't so that in complete silence, then get out the front door, get in a car perhaps?
I don't think the mum deserves legal action taken against her nut I do think she shouldn't be left to babysit anymore, at least not overnight!
Yes the fact of the matter is these kids were entrusted in the care of her mum and she failed to provide the care. And for them to be gone so long and her not be able to stop it happening, wtf? Like, a haircut and ear piercing doesn't just take a few minutes, they would have been gone from the house a fair time and she was asleep through it all. And we'd be assuming mid-late morning seeing as most places aren't open until 9am. Doesn't add up.
I wouldn't be leaving them with either of these people again
Yes I agree with this. Only because I can see my mother in law doing this and blaming someone else as she had made several comments about the fact my 3 year old daughter has never had a haircut or gotten her ears pierced and she wants us to do both. But I made it very clear if either of those things happen while in her care she will not be looking after our daughter again.
X
OP here
My mum woke at 8am, started the kids breakfast and then went to go and get them from their room (they share a room there for now).She found them not there. She searched the house and then called us but we didn't answer (didn't hear the phone). She went to the next door neighbours (both sides and across the road), she ran down to the end of the park with said neighbours looking for them. She then saw my grandmothers car drive down the street so ran to get her to help only to find that she had the kids all along.
Still in their pjs. No food with them. Had not even changed the baby. 4 year old had an accident because she wouldn't let him go to the toilet (he was in tears). She blasted her and made her go inside. She asked the neighbours to come too.
She called us again, we picked up and she told us what happened. We raced around there, grabbed the kids and made sure they were okay. Baby and 4 year old were screaming. We took the earrings out of the baby and made her a doctors appointment. 4 year old was terrified. I asked everyone what had happened and everyone basically said the same as my mum. I do not doubt my mum at all (neither does my husband). I asked 4 year old what happened and he told me that....
"Nanny took me to the shops for icecream but we cant wake grandma up because she is really tired. Lets take baby out too. But nanny didn't get me icecream she cut my hair and hurt babys ears and I had an accident. I'm so sorry mummy I didn't mean to but nanny said I cant go wees in the toilet. I'm not a dirty boy am I mummy?" **burst into tears**
This is why we are consulting a lawyer. She has kidnapped and abused my children
Oh. My. God. Thats horrific.
Do you know where did she get the hair and ears done that early? She didn't do it herself did she?
It still just doesn't add up with the time frames unless she went to someone she knew or did it herself :(
Your poor kids either way. I hope you get to the bottom of it.
Gosh, this whole scenario is awful.
You're well within your rights to cut granny off. I'd never speak to her again if I were in your shoes.
I don't think your mum handled the situation well though, the police should have been involved because essentially, the kids were kidnapped!
This really could have ended really badly, it sounds like it may be too much for your mum to have both the kids at once whilst dealing with grandma who's clearly off her tree.
You've got a lot to think about, all the best with it!
Thats shocking. Could you include that comment in your original post so you get more appropriate replies when it goes to facebook? Most people will tell you that you are over reacting or its your mums fault. She sounds like a horrible woman and I almost hope there is something wrong with her so theres a reason for her behaviour.
Be angry as hell! She kidnapped and abused your babies!
It would be well worth making statements with the police so if she tries something again there is an official record.
When your kids start kindy/daycare/school, make it known that she had kidnapped the kids in the past and only you/hubby are able to pick kids up unless by earlier arrangement by you.
Cut all face to face contact with her and the kids. And encourage all other communication with her to be in writing so you have a paper trail if she tries anything else on.
Hug those babies and teach them is okay to say no to anyone who wants to hurt them. Teach them to yell and scream things like this is not my parent, help! Give them permission and power to fight back (my 3 yr old daughter slapped my grandfather in the face when he ignored her saying no to bring picked up. Grandfather was even more miffed when I praised her response and scolded him for crossing her bounties.)
Give your babies a big hug tonight and hold them close. You are doing great mumma bear!
This sounds terrible and from your kids perspective they must have been scared :-( I would respect your right to see a lawyer etc but if she wants to play those games it wouldn’t be with my children. At the end of the day I’d cut contact and explain to the oldest child that nanny is not making sound decisions and you don’t want to put him and his sister in that position again.
Im still intrigued to know where she got a haircut and baby ears pierced and home before 9am on a sunday.
OP:
We went out on Thursday night, this happened Friday morning. Shops open at 8am here
Please update us on what you decide to do and what happens. I hopw your babies are feeling better soon.
And did she have child restraints in her car?????
Yeah how did the grandma just have car seats in the car? This doesn’t add up
And why on earth did mum go out into the street, then take a walk, you would call police immediately. It's a newborn baby! Serious issues with her whole care and response. it's just too long without checking on a newborn and not the normal reaction.
I think she knew all along but doesn't want to admit to you what they've done/ at very least allowed.
I'd be furious if my mother was asleep after nine in the morning whilst watching my children, I'd be furious that she didn't hear someone come into the house wake up my children and dress them and remove them from her care without her realising which makes me think she knew the kids had to have left the house with someone.
I be even more furious if the person who took them, took them to a hair salon and got their hair cut and ears pierced without my permission. I myself got my daughters ears pierced when she was six months old. (please no hate it how my family have done it for generations) I have no issue with getting them pierced when they're young. I however take issue with people who do things to my kids without permission. Especially if they don't take them to a proper piercer and they use those awful guns.
I would not go as far as suing them I would cut them out of my life and my children's lives and would ask that if my mother was to babysit again it would be at my residence or not at all. I would then hire a baby sitter to watch the kids at home and ensure that nothing like this ever happened again.
I'm on your side. Legal action needs to be taken so she knows she has done wrong. Its actually assault so she can be charged in a court of law....just think of kids that get bullied at school , with one another student cutting another's hair without asking. Its assault pure and simple...And not to mention kidnapping. She had no right to remove your children from your mother, let alone before your Mum woke up!! I'd be straight to the cops.....good luck
I’m concerned what you’ve told your son for him to think peeing himself is dirty???
Don’t waste the courts or the polices times with this! I can guarantee your family will be the laughing stock of the police station.
Please take grandma to the doctors and you and your husband need help on parenting advice by what your 4 yr old says... it’s not normal
OP
I didn't tell him anything! that came from my Grandmother!
Yes I got that nanny was the one telling him that, not like this ^^^ commenter jumping to conclusions!😏
The kids were kidnapped, does it really matter who by!?! Abuse happens in the home, is that a laughing matter as well???
Ok I agree that what manny did is way overstepping the line & she could possibly have dementia as it's crazy what she did. I'd be pissed off too & would cut all ties with her but seriously to seek a lawyer & sue is overreacting. That's my personal opinion. Why waste money especially as it seems she doesn't think she has done anything wrong, it won't change the outcome. Even if you feel suing her will hold her accountable I doubt she will realise she is in the wrong & it'll just tear your family apart. I'd actually be pissed that my mother didn't hear the kids leave with Nanny. Did she not have a monitor to hear kids. At 3mo you would have the Bub within hearing to feed & settle etc. I'd move on & make sure all babysitting is done at your own house from now on.
The very fact she had mot changed the baby etc means she has diminished capacity. She obviously has some kind of deficit if she spoke the way she did. She will in no way be punished by a court of law. From now on I would just not tale them to that house. Have no contact with the one who took them.