To those who have family members dating/married to horrible partners.
My sister is in a toxic relationship with a man who lies, manipulates and generally treats her badly. They have broken up and got back together 5 times (that I know of) over 3 years. Each time they seperate we all rally around her helping her to get the strength to move forward and then after time she goes back to him. During their last break up she admitted she's never loved him and she felt he was still in love with his ex wife. Yet she's agreed to go back to him. We've all expressed our disappointment and confusion but she makes excuses for him and is not budging - if anything she seems more determined than ever to make it work. How do I get passed the anger and frustration at my sister for causing our family so much drama and settling for this awful man?
Ps we have encouraged counselling over the years to help with her anxiety / depression. Recently she got a referal and made an appt to a psychologist but has since cancelled 3 times.
Toxic relationship
Toxic relationship
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Behaviour
3 Replies
I had to tell my sister I would no longer talk to her about it. We could catch up for dinner etc but she wasn’t allowed to talk to me about her shitty relationship. Anytime she started I’d tell her ‘nope, you can’t complain about it if you are still with him’ end of conversation.
It’s her choice to be in a crap situation, I’d put myself and my son (severely disabled) out so many times to get her out of the situation, enough was enough.
I realised she actually got a buzz at the drama of the relationship and I wasn’t going to buy into it anymore. Not one more day.
I agree with above poster.
Whenever my sis in law broke up with my brother I’d say “nope, don’t want to hear it” because I’d spent money and time helping them out when they broke up to get rentals, furniture etc for one week after she’d moved out somewhere...he’d move in. I stopped buying into any of it. I realise now it’s the drama and sympathy she wanted.
I am your sister (not literally obviously) but this is me. In the 4 years I've been with him my mental health had plummeted. Before I was happy and somewhat out going. Now sometimes I can't even speak. When you're in this kind of headspace it's so hard to see a way out. And although we are fully aware that these men are no good for us, we see ourselves as damaged goods. Who will love someone like me etc? If the man that's supposed to love and treat me well won't, then why would anyone else? Deep down we know that there probably is someone who will love us the right way, we settle for less because we feel it's all we deserve. I can tell you now from experience that potentially losing the ones closest to me has pushed me to walk away. I know that once I finally do they will be there to help me back up. Be honest with her about how you feel and how worried you are etc. let her know it's affecting those who love her. And ask her if this is how she wants to live for the rest of her life? Because it doesn't ever get better. Once they know they have that power over you they take advantage any chance they get! I hope that makes sense. Good luck to your sister and I pray that she has the strength to walk away for good xx