Hi sisterhood.
My sister is driving me mad and I have no idea how to handle it without her blowing up.
She judges everything about my life something’s within reason other not so much.
Before I had kids, I had a drug addiction that lasted about a year. I was bein young and dumb and thought it was fun at the time. The moment I found out I was pregnant my partner and I moved towns and we cleaned ourselves up immediately. We have since had three kids, and that lifestyle is far behind and we have come so far as a family. My partner works very hard to provide for us, in a very stable job that provides well for us, I have just started my own business in the beauty industry which is doing so well, we own our own home, all bills paid and we have the extra things.
Now to my sister, we have a very up and down relationship, VERY close but we clash quiet bad not often but when it goes of it GOES OFF. She has always been very nasty to me growing up (would always bash me, bully and embarrass me in front of people) I believe her mental abuse is mostly the reason for me turning to drugs when I did. Here’s the thing.... she judges and puts down everything of my life. From my parenting (I breastfed my son for 2 years, she use to tell me it looked disgusting and told me I wasn’t my allowed to breastfeed a baby that old in her house) now I am doing BLW with my youngest and I was explaining it today and she told me ‘god you carry on like an idiot with your youngest’. And my business, she told me ‘that’s a lazy persons job’ (mind you she has never had a job in her life, is a stay at home mum also that has no desire to contribute to her family financially) and told me my business would most likely fail as it’s a very popular sector I have joined BOY WAS SHE WRONG, my business is doing so well. And the worst is she constantly brings up my bad past, for example today I mentioned I wanted to travel to see some family and she said ‘that’s not a good idea with your past and ‘I hope it’s not to hang out with your druggie mates’ WTH I HAVENT SPOKEN OR SEEN THESE PEOPLE more do I desire to even have them as a thought in my mind. I’m just sick of hearing about my old life, I’m so much happier now and my partner nor I even ever think about back then.
I feel it’s jealousy or so,etching, while she is busy judging me and my partner she hasn’t no issue loaning money off ya every week or two and sometimes will have to pay us back in instalments (her partner works full time, they just don’t live within there means), they rent(absolutely nothing wrong with that), and they live pay to pay which of course I don’t mind helping my sister but is the rude backhand comments about my life and past nesseccary?
When I pull her up omg it’s a massive fight, she gets defensive says very hurtful things to which I retaliate, then we don’t speak for months. I just can’t be bothered having the argument but after the comments about my business and today about my parenting and past I’m really annoyed. I want to tell her to just stop judging me and worry about her own life. Do I let her know she needs to back up or leave it?? If I leave it, it will just continue until I burst.
Also she is 8 weeks pregnant so is this insensitive to do atm? She makes these comments pregnant or not lol.
Thanks girls xoxo
6 Replies
Not insensitive to stand up for yourself, so shes pregnant thats not a major stress.
This is so toxic.
You have two options to be able to stay in touch and not cut her out.
1. Pull her up every time. Let her know you wont accept it and if she wants to tanty ignore it. Stay calm, say what crossed the line and leave for the day.
2. Take a huge step back. Keep her at arms length, dont tell her anything private keep conversations short and light.
Sometimes the people who are meant to be on our side are our biggest critics. I don't have any advice other than you aren't obliged to put up with it just because you're family, you wouldn't allow a friend to treat you this way - family is no exception.
(pregnancy is also no reason to be a raging bitch nor does it make her uncountable for her actions)
I don't even know you but I'm proud of you for turning your life around, enjoy the life you've created for yourself with our without your sister because you deserve it!
My sister is like this, it took me a long time to realise she was jealous and tried to pull me down when my life was going great. When I was down and at my worst was the only times she would leave me alone. Constantly compares her kids to mine, put me down for where I lived and worked, my weight, my clothes. I rarely have anything to do with her now.
She sounds like a bitch. I'd pull her up on that so fast. She is clearly very jealous and has been of you for a very long time. Even though you were the one the a difficult past, you are clearly the more successful one. Without being nasty or trying to start a fight. Tell her that you are so busy raising your amazing, nurtured children and contributing to your family that you don't have time to deal with her comments, you know what she thinks of you and that you no longer want to continue in that relationship, wish her well in her future and don't talk to her again. If you really have just had enough and don't care at all, ask her why she wants you to fail so badly? Being pregnant is no excuse to be a constant cow. I cut my narcissistic mum out of my life 2years ago. At first a had gilt and I mourned but honestly it was the best decision of my families life. I don't second guess myself or walk on egg shells anymore, my anxiety is all but gone. Sometimes just because they have a family title, doesnt mean they are what you deserve.
You have to stand up for yourself and your family - she has no right to tell you how to live your life or parent your children. You made mistakes in your past - that what it is YOUR PAST! She needs to get over it and be a sister to you.
It does sound like she is jelous of your life and that is why she is bringing up your past to try make you feel bad.
I think that you need to talk with her and state that yes you might have made mistakes in the past but you are past that now and she has no right to make you feel bad for what you have as a family and have worked hard for.
I would also stop lending them money - they need to learn to live within their means - I know it can be hard but she needs to grow up and show her children the right things to do.
Get yourself a good psychologist to work on the childhood abuse and learn strategies in dealing with her as an adult